


Dreary Days

by ripperstreet



Category: Ripper Street
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:36:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 58,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24471406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ripperstreet/pseuds/ripperstreet
Summary: Inspector Edmund Reid often found himself lonely with only his own thoughts to converse with. After finally finding someone who actually listens and shows care in him and his thoughts, the friendship gradually starts to develop...Based around Edmund Reid and Debora Goren's encounters from series one.This is my first Ripper Street fan fiction, so please do let me know what you think!
Relationships: Deborah Goren/Edmund Reid
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	1. My Streets

Inspector Reid could feel the rain gathered in his boots match with the aggressive way it was pelting against his office window. He took his hat off and placed it on his desk, glancing at his small put-together-bed while doing so. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a brief moment; every time he caught even a glimpse of the bed it would just bring back all the night terrors which took place upon it, all the distressful, sleepless nights. 

His heavy coat, now made even heavier by the amount of rain that had soaked into it, was hung back upon a small hook in an attempt to dry. Leaving him now in his damp shirt, tie and waistcoat, he didn’t even have the energy to relieve himself of the uncomfortable material. He did, however, manage to kick off his weighty, rain drenched shoes. They were laid in an untidy, exhausted heap on the floor by the door. 

He walked over to the window and stared out of it. Though his facial expressions barely showed it, his mind was like a duck paddling under water. After long day’s work, Jackson would go back to his wife, though not the ideal marriage at times, but at least he had someone to go back to. Reid longed for that, to be able to come home to someone and unload all of his emotional anxiety. Someone who listened, someone who would show him comfort and reassure him that he was doing everything in his power to keep people safe. Though this was something very often on his mind and something that he always hoped would come his way, he also so desperately didn’t want to be a burden upon whom he spent his life with, with such things as his work. He knew all too well that a relationship and family life would mean a massive commitment, and with days, even weeks at a time on particular cases meaning that he was unable to return home, it shattered him to think that it would be almost impossible for him to give someone that security and to hold down a happy family life and such a demanding, unpredictable and important job at the same time. He envied men who could do it, even such men as Sgt. Drake and Jackson. He just couldn’t bring himself to disappoint someone by not being there. 

His eyes shifted up to the moon, chewing his bottom lip as he tried once more to contain his emotions. The thought of just leaving all this behind and having a loving family often got too much for him. He bit his lip with more force when it threatened to tremble and flared his nostrils as his eyes began to well, staring blankly into the ever-pouring rain. He wondered when it would stop and the sunshine would return, both to the weather and his own life. The one large, black cloud surely looked like it should be empty by now, but they just kept on giving – a bit like his heart; big, but empty and mostly alone, yet still trying his best with what he had.

‘These are my streets and my people. I must keep them safe.’, was often his own motto. However, all too often, he forgot about himself.


	2. Bitter Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today has been a hard day for Inspector Reid and enough is enough. He longs for comfort yet again... And convinces himself to find it again with the only person he knows who listens to him.

Reid reached for his coat and shivered as the damp material squelched in his hand. Closing his eyes briefly, he threw the weighty coat on, cringing from the feeling of it against his still clammy shirt while stepping into his boggy shoes. He grunted to himself and clenched his fists in frustration, walking toward the door before pausing slightly. After a few moments he shook his head, walking out of the door and slamming it behind him, letting out a deep sigh almost as if to punish himself for hesitating. He made his way down the stairs and through the main area of the station, keeping his head down. 

“Inspector Reid?” Mr. Atherton arched a brow as he spotted Reid trying to make his exit. Reid barely even gazed in his direction, only raising his hand as if not wanting to talk. Mr. Atherton squinted his eyes and nodded as he watched Reid escape into the dreary night. 

It was gone midnight and Reid had hardly slept the night before, but tonight he just couldn’t cope alone… Although, admitting that would be the problem. His heart was racing, and he was having the constant battle with himself regarding what he was doing, trying to convince himself that he wasn’t being weak or pathetic. 

The large raindrops thrashed against him throughout his short walk and he felt a small spurt of relief once he got to his desired destination and he gently knocked on the door. Taking a small step back, he held one hand over the other in front of him, patiently waiting and hoping for an answer. His breath hitched in his throat when he saw a figure coming toward the door, trying his best to compose himself. His eyes darted around as the door opened and the figure appeared in the doorway. 

“Inspector?” The soft, female voice spoke in a questionable tone. 

“Miss. Goren.” Reid cleared his throat, nodding.

“You’re soaked through, Edmund... Come in.” She narrowed her eyebrows, gesturing for him to come inside. The Inspector nodded once more and followed her inside, feeling his heart jump even from the dull sound of the closing door. He let out a heavy breath through his nose as she walked into the kitchen, staring forward. “Are you just going to stay in the hallway, Inspector?” 

“P-Please, call me Edmund.” Her question snapped him out of his trance. He timidly stepped into the kitchen and reached to take his hat off, scowling slightly when he didn’t feel it there.

“What brings you here, Edmund?” She raised her eyebrows, almost amused by his confused expression as he felt the top of his head, “Were you in too much of a rush to remember your hat, hm?”

“Yes, I suppose I was…” He blinked hard, looking down at his feet as he placed both his hands in front of him again. 

“Would you like a drink?” Miss. Goren attempted at conversation once more, studying his overall bashful stance. 

“Oh, no, no… I won’t impose,” He looked over at her, mumbling under his breath, “No more than I already have.” 

“Don’t put yourself down like that, Edmund… Clearly something has brought you here.” She caught his eyeline before scowling slightly when he immediately broke the eye contact. It was almost like he couldn’t bring himself to admit the real reason he was there. The two of them stood in silence as Reid bartered with what words to say in his head. The heaviness of his drenched coat was begging him to remove it, but he didn’t want Miss. Goren to feel like he was forcing himself upon her home; taking his coat off would indicate that he was staying, and that wasn’t something he was sure she wanted. 

Miss. Goren often felt frustrated by Reid’s reluctance to talk, but she could never bring herself to be mad at him. She knew he had he struggles and if it was her that he felt was the only person he could truly open up to, then she would happily spend all night trying to make him realise that, that was okay. She knew he found it hard. 

“Edmund, you know whatever it is that you have to say, I will listen,” She spoke calmly, reaching forward to touch his large jacket collar, pulling her fingers back and rubbing her fingertips together when she felt the wetness from the material, blinking hard before gazing back up into his eyes again, “But you have to talk to me.”

“I-...” He swallowed hard, taking a shaky breath. 

“Oh, come here… Come with me.” Miss. Goren frowned, taking both of his hands and leading him into her bedroom. Reid obediently followed until stood in the middle of the room and watched as she pulled the uncomfortable coat off him, shutting her bedroom door and hanging it up on the back of it. The expression on his face when she turned back around was enough to make her own eyes well up as she rushed over to stand in front of him again. It was a face of a man who had quite simply reached the end of his tether; one that was desperate to seek comfort in someone. An exhausted man who looked too tired to even sleep. One that spent every waking hour trying to create a safer, better, if anything, happier environment for those around him while doing the opposite for himself. His face was white as a sheet, his eyes welled up like a dam ready to burst. “Edmund… It’s okay.” She spoke almost silently, barely even able to finish her words before he stumbled weakly toward her, wrapping his arms around her waist and hiding his face against her shoulder. She swallowed the lump in her throat and hooked her arms around his big, strong shoulders in return, turning her head and resting her cheek against his chest. She could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks add to the wetness seeping into her own clothes from his still rain-drenched ones while his helpless arms remained around her. It concerned her how long he had been like this, this evening and after a few long moments, she pulled her head back and gazed up at him once he had forced himself to stop burrowing his face against her shoulder, narrowing her eyebrows, “Would you like to sit down?”

“I-If I may.” He managed to just about get his words out, hesitantly bringing his arms back to his sides. 

The embrace of another human often left Reid unsure of how to feel. It was everything he wanted and yet couldn’t have at the same time. For the first few moments, it would immediately make him feel better, but then it would slowly drag him down by making him realise this was the life he was constantly preventing himself from having. 

Once both perched on the edge of her bed, Miss. Goren sighed sadly as she watched the Inspector with his head in his hands. She reached one of her arms out and wrapped it around his broadened shoulders yet again, rubbing it up and down the top of his arm in an attempt to soothe him. 

“You’re absolutely wet through, Edmund.” She pouted her lips, lifting her hand to gently run through his dripping hair. He slowly and shyly brought his hands from his face and rested them in his lap, meeting her gaze again showing a defenceless expression encouraged by his puffy, red eyes. Although still beautifully blue, they showed no sign of this being the first time he had cried today. 

“I’m so sorry…” His voice was broken, struggling to maintain his usual formal manner. 

“Sorry?” Miss. Goren frowned, continuing to brush his wet hair back as she kept her eyes on his, “Sorry for what, dear?”

“Sorry for… Ruining your night, sorry for breaking your sleep, sorry for bringing myself in here…” He let out a quiet sniffle, trying to swallow back any more tears, “Sorry for… Making your bed and bedding damp.”

“Edmund, stop.” She narrowed her eyebrows, shaking her head and letting out a sad sigh. Reid looked up at her with teary eyes, keeping his lips tightly together.

“Sorry…” He let another small apology slip out of his mouth, following Miss. Goren with his eyes as she stood up to retrieve a towel for him and nodding appreciatively as she placed it snug around his shoulders.

“Is there anything in particular that has upset you, Edmund?” She gazed up at him, biting her bottom lip.

“I- I… I try, you know.” He finally spoke, trying to hold back his tears and string a sentence together.

“Everybody knows how hard you work, Inspector.” She pouted her lips, gently rubbing her hand against his shoulder. 

“The things I’ve seen, the things I’ve dealt with… They bring such terrors, such… Restless nights. Not being able to forgive myself or be there for anyone. The… Anger built up inside me bubbles sometimes, the anger toward myself. I’m so hopelessly frustrated with myself.” He blinked hard, feeling a singular tear fall onto his cheek as a result. He chewed down on his bottom lip and avoided eye contact yet again, as if scared to open up any more than he already had.

“Do you want to know something, Edmund?” She moved closer to him, placing one hand still on his thigh. Reid pursed his lips and allowed his eyes to meet with hers again as she reached her free hand up to gently caress her fingertips against his jaw, “The bitter sweet thing about you, Edmund, is that, despite the horrific terrors and feelings in that wonderful head of yours, you never, ever take it out on the person you come and open up to. I can’t speak for others you come across, but, for me, no matter how you feel at the time of turning up at my door or entering my house, you never have a bad word to say about anyone but yourself.” Her soft, reassuring voice made him relax slightly, keeping their eye contact while her thumb lightly caressed across his lips, “There’s nothing but beautiful words that come out of that mouth until you speak about yourself, Inspector Reid.” Her fingertips moved their way up to his thick sideburns, using them to ruffle through them delicately. 

“That’s because there’s nothing but beautiful that I see when my eyes gaze upon yours, Miss. Goren.” Reid swallowed hard, lifting his arm and nervously placing his large hand on her cheek. Both of their eyes glanced down at each other’s lips, then back in each other’s eyes before tilting their heads opposite ways and maintaining their eye contact until their eyes fell shut with the seal of a tender kiss.


	3. All I've Ever Wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously...
> 
> “The bitter sweet thing about you, Edmund, is that, despite the horrific terrors and feelings in that wonderful head of yours, you never, ever take it out on the person you come and open up to. I can’t speak for others you come across, but, for me, no matter how you feel at the time of turning up at my door or entering my house, you never have a bad word to say about anyone but yourself.” Her soft, reassuring voice made him relax slightly, keeping their eye contact while her thumb lightly caressed across his lips, “There’s nothing but beautiful words that come out of that mouth until you speak about yourself, Inspector Reid.” Her fingertips moved their way up to his thick sideburns, using them to ruffle through them delicately. 
> 
> “That’s because there’s nothing but beautiful that I see when my eyes gaze upon yours, Miss. Gorem.” Reid swallowed hard, lifting his arm and nervously placing his large hand on her cheek. Both of their eyes glanced down at each other’s lips, then back in each other’s eyes before tilting their heads opposite ways and maintaining their eye contact until their eyes fell shut with the seal of a tender kiss.

Although most commonly timid, Reid’s large hands often wondered. Their lips still locked, Miss. Goren’s hand now gently caressing the Inspector’s thigh rather than just resting it there, he reached his hand up and unclipped her hair. He pulled back for a brief moment to watch in awe with heavy eyes as it effortlessly fell down over her shoulder, swallowing hard. 

“Inspector…” She whispered, lightly brushing her fingertips over his slightly rough cheek. He flickered his eyes down to hers and raised his eyebrows, gesturing for her to continue, “May I suggest… Relieving yourself from all your wet clothes?” Her tone of voice became lower and even slightly suggestive, making Reid gaze back down willingly at her lips. She removed the towel from around his shoulders before moving her hands to his tie and flickering her eyes from the knot of it to his and gasping softly as he brought her face to his again, almost desperately pressing their lips back together. Her hands moved shakily and frantically to get his tie undone and thrown to the floor, then worked the buttons on his waistcoat, the kisses growing harder and harder as each one popped open. Reid let out a small grunt against her lips as he wriggled out of his waistcoat and dropped it to the side of the bed, allowing her to now start unbuttoning his shirt. Once she got to the last button, she pulled back completely and allowed her eyes to stare at his bare chest while either sides of his shirt hung open. The Inspector’s chest heaved up and down as he tried to bring himself to say exactly what he wanted. 

“I-I’d like to… See you again, if I may.” He swallowed nervously, struggling yet again to maintain eye contact.

“Edmund, you know you’re always welcome at my door.” She narrowed her eyebrows, brushing the back of her hand against his cheek. 

“No,” He took a deep breath, mustering up the courage to say it, “I’d like to see you now… Without the dress.” He exhaled slowly, looking back into her eyes, “If that’s alright with you, Miss. Goren.”

“Edmund…” She parted her lips, eyes wide in shock from what the Inspector had just said to her. 

“I apologise if I have crossed boundaries.” His eyes moved back down to his lap, almost kicking himself for even suggesting such a thing. 

“You haven’t crossed any boundaries, Edmund,” She shook her head, reaching forward for his chin and tilting it back up toward her, “In fact, I thought you’d never ask.” Her gentle expression turned into a slight smirk as she leaned in to press a single kiss to his lips before standing up and reaching behind her to undo her dress. Pushing her dress off her shoulders, she gazed down at him with a dark expression. Reid followed each newly revealed part of her skin as the dress fell off her body and to the ground. He leaned back against his hands as his eyes trailed up and down her figure several times, feeling his arousal pressing firmly against his thigh. Stepping forward, Miss. Goren placed her hands on Reid’s knees, leaning even further forward so her cleavage would be directly in his eyeline. She heard his breathing pattern change as his eyes took in everything she was allowing him to see. Unable to speak, he instead trailed his eyes from her chest up to her face, looking up at her like a little lost puppy.   
“Is this what you wanted to see, Inspector?” She arched a brow.

“I… I, uh... Yes.” He nodded bashfully, trying to not make it obvious how aroused he actually was. Her smirk grew wider as she joined him sitting on the bed, moving forward and taking his face in both of her hands and pulling him into a passionate kiss, moaning quietly as he returned the kiss with just as much force. He slowly traced his fingertips up her side from over her underwear, inhaling shakily when he felt one of her hands slip from his cheek and down his bare chest, lightly scratching at the skin. Reid made an uneasy noise from the back of his throat in response, feeling his body coming more and more alive with each of her touches. His skin was now slowly starting to dry from the room temperature and Miss. Goren carefully pulled his dampened shirt completely off, carelessly dropping it by the side of the bed before placing her hand on his thigh, inching it up teasingly slow. 

“Oh, Inspector Reid, you may have forgotten your hat, but you certainly haven’t forgotten your truncheon, have you?” She whispered lowly against his lips, grinning against them. Reid’s body twitched when he felt her fingertips graze directly over his length from through the material of his pants. 

“N-No, no… Luckily, /that/ always comes with me.” He attempted to joke in order to cover up his schoolboy blush. 

“Aren’t we lucky?” She smirked, grazing her teeth against his bottom lip as her fingertips from her other hand made their way into the hair at the nape of his neck. His lips parted and they allowed the tips of their tongues to touch for a brief moment, pausing for just one second until Reid placed his hand on the back of her head, making their lips smack back against each other. This time, the kisses were deeper than ever before, Miss. Goren’s free hand exploring every inch of him through his pants. He wriggled against the bed slightly and raised one of his hands to cup her breast, making her let out a heavy breath through her nose. 

“F-Forgive me…” He stuttered uneasily against her lips, feeling his hand trembling against the fabric of her underwear. 

“Not at all, Edmund, let those wonderful hands run free.” She mumbled, continuing to kiss him while his hand repeatedly caressed against her.

“Your lips, they’re… Enchanting.” He breathed out his words, feeling his chest rise each time one of her fingers would glide over him, making him internally beg for her to set him free, yet too shy to actually do or suggest it himself. 

“Enchanting, hm?” She arched a brow, teasingly circling her fingertips against his belt buckle, “Well, I believe that you and my lips haven’t properly been introduced, Inspector.”

“Pardon?” Reid blinked hard, unsure of whether to presume she was hinting at what he thought. His wonder was immediately confirmed when he watched her undo his belt and pull the crotch of his pants open with both of her hands, fumbling with the material desperately while keeping her head focused between his legs. He swallowed hard and stayed silent as he watched her closely, spreading his legs slightly more for her as she crouched between them and chewing his bottom lip, sucking his stomach in slightly when he felt her encourage his length to spring free from its material enclosure, wrapping one of her hands around the warm base while keeping the crotch of his pants open with the other. He lost his breath from the skin on skin contact and followed the tip of her tongue with his eyes as it moved side to side along her bottom lip, lining up the glistening head with her pursed lips. 

“M-Miss. Gorem, I must tell you… N-No one has ever t-touched like that before…” He barely made out the words, afraid that he would be thought of different now. Miss. Goren pulled away at the last second and arched a brow, tilting her head. 

“Never?” She blinked hard, glancing down at the tip again before back up into his eyes. Reid shook his head. “Not even your wif-...”

“No.” Reid’s tone changed slightly, feeling his hands fidgeting against the bed sheets. 

“Well, it seems this will be a treat for both of us, then, won’t it?” She smirked, pressing it down between his legs before pulling her hand back and watching in delight as it sprung straight back up to rest proudly against his stomach. 

“A-Ah…” He inhaled sharply through clenched teeth, feeling his cheeks completely flushed from her teasing. Her hand found its way around him again, gently slipping it up and down a couple of times before leaning forward completely to envelope her lips around the head, suckling sweetly. Reid’s mouth fell open as he watched her in a complete state of shock mixed with pleasure. Miss. Goren’s eyes met his again and she wiggled the tip of her tongue under the head lightly, smirking proudly as his entire body jolted forward from the touch. He bit down on his lip hard, trying to force himself to keep quiet. It didn’t last long. The moment she matched the movement of her stroking hand with the new added movement of her bobbing head, he threw his head back in pleasure with an almighty moan. Pleased by his reaction, she sped up the movements of both her head and fist, making a soft noise against him as he throbbed between her lips. Reid’s body was thriving with whole new waves of pleasure, squeezing his eyes shut tightly as possible as he wondered how long he’d be able to make himself hang on. His whimpers and moans repeatedly sounded from his lips and filled the room as Miss. Goren kept up with the same, vigorous movements. He wanted to place one of his hands on the back of her head and urge her to keep repeating the exact movements for as long as possible, but he didn’t want to come across as needy or put her off her perfect rhythm. 

Just minutes lost in pleasure, Reid felt his hands starting to get sweaty against the bed sheets, gripping at them slightly and fighting with his groans as they got louder. 

“M-Miss. Goren…” He spoke lowly, desperately clinging to the sheets, afraid of allowing her to continue and losing all control, almost ashamed of how quickly it was about to happen, “Miss. Goren, Miss. Goren…” His voice raised slightly, feeling his chest heaving up and down as his palms grew sweatier, now tugging at the sheets as she edged him closer and closer, “M-Miss. Goren!” He moaned out, arching his back slightly and feeling his thighs starting to tense, bracing himself for his intense climax – until Miss. Goren stopped completely, pulling back and licking her lips as she looked up at him with a wide smirk. He gasped loudly and forced his eyes open, looking down as his eyes met her devilish grin. 

“Did you enjoy that, Edmund?” She whispered lowly, unable to wipe the grin off her face. 

“I… I did.” He tried to compose himself, breathing shakily as he laid his palms flat on the bed sheets again, “Did I do something wrong?” He spoke uneasily, trying to ignore his angrily pulsing length now begging for attention. 

“Oh, no, darling…” She shook her head, pouting her lips and standing up properly as she pulled off all remaining pieces of clothing. Reid watched intently, feeling almost as if just witnessing this would be enough to now tip him over the edge. Once completely nude, she reached out her hands and helped pull him to his feet, pushing her hands down toward his trousers and helping him step out of them as well as his underwear. She reached her arms forward and wrapped them around his neck, feeling his body shiver against hers as their bare bodies finally touched. 

“May I ask… Why did you stop?” He spoke shyly, looking down into her eyes as their foreheads pressed against each other’s. 

“Because, Edmund, I know you’re more than capable of pleasing a woman.” She whispered against his lips before kissing them lightly, smiling when she felt him immediately kiss her back, “And I want you to show that to me.”

“I-If that is what you wish…” He breathed against her lips.

“How do you feel about that?” She raised her eyebrows, pressing her hands against his chest as she gazed up at him. 

“I do hope I live up to your expectations.” Reid’s expression slipped into a slight smirk for a brief moment, lightly rubbing his fingertips against her lower back. She bit her lip from the thought and turned as she reached for one of the top ends of her bed sheets, pulling them back and gasping slightly when she felt Reid’s large hands wrap around her from behind, planting kisses up one side of her neck as she fought to keep her eyes open. 

“There are no expectations, Edmund, I just want you to be aware of what you’re capable of.” She spoke shakily, reaching her hands behind her and lightly tracing her fingertips down his outer thighs as his lips continued to brush against her neck. 

“And what is that, Miss. Goren?” He whispered lowly into her ear, moving his fingers to her lower stomach and ever so faintly gliding them across the bare skin as his teeth gently grazed against her earlobe. Miss. Goren allowed a small moan to escape her lips as she suddenly spun back around, snaking her arms around his neck as their bodies pulled against each other again as if magnets. He carefully guided her backward and into the bed as their lips hardly left each other, their hands exploring every inch possible as quickly as possible until Reid’s body found itself on top of hers, struggling to reach backward to pull the sheets back over them as their kisses refused to stop. Miss. Goren parted her legs as Reid’s hips slipped between them, tilting his head to the side and deepening the kiss as he thrust his hips forward with ease. He felt her arms tighten around him as her fingers pressed into his back slightly, taking a shaky breath through her nose as he started the steady thrusts, whimpering against her lips. Her hands slid up and down his back as she pressed her lips to the crook of his neck, sucking at the skin while her chest raised up and down. 

“See? The Inspector /always/ knows what to do in /any/ situation.” She spoke in a seductive tone as she pulled her head back to watch his facial expressions for a few moments. His eyes were closed, his teeth slightly clenched with his eyebrows narrowed and his head slightly upright. She could see the concentration on his face, aware of how nervous he sometimes was of disappointing. But he never did, he always did the opposite. He slowly leaned down and trailed kisses along her collar bone before resting his forehead against her shoulder. The trouble with him was that he often doubted himself but sharing a bed with him proved far from what he thought he was capable of. After a few moments of hiding his face against her shoulder, he lifted it up and gazed down into her eyes, his face flushed bright red in pleasure as his hips gradually picked up pace, parting his lips as Miss. Goren’s heavy eyes slowly opened. Still afraid to say anything, he just continued to let out small grunts with each forward thrust. The movements of his hips suddenly started to meet with hers at a harsher, faster rate while clenching his teeth tighter, shuddering in pleasure as he struggled to keep his eyes open. 

“C-Come here, Edmund…” She swallowed hard through a moan, gasping softly in delight with each of his movements but sensing that his nerves were getting the better of him, “Calm down, hm? Slow and steady, there’s no need to rush.” She spoke softly in a reassuring tone, running her hands up his back again and tangling them into the back of his hair as he retreated back to his steady, consistent pace. Her words relaxed him, and his confidence grew more and more with each thrust while her back arched in delight from the way he circled his hips slightly with each thrust, gradually allowing his moans to get louder. “Is that better?” She whispered against his lips, parting her own and allowing their tongues to immediately dance with one another’s while he moaned in response to her question, placing one hand at either side of her head. 

“M-Miss. Goren…” He whined timidly, unable to help but feel like he couldn’t quite stop himself for much longer while his eyes fell shut again. 

“Edmund…” She breathed heavily against his lips, feeling her own body trembling against the bed. 

“F-Forgive me… I-I’m afraid I don’t think I can hold on much longer…” His voice trailed off as he fell into another fit of moans, feeling his entire body starting to tense up in pleasure. Miss. Goren smirked widely and reached her hands up, slipping her fingertips up against his sideburns and keeping them there. 

“Let go, Edmund.” She moaned out her words against his lips in an arousing tone, encouraging him to prevent himself from holding back any longer. Before any more words could even come out of her mouth, Reid bunched up the pillowcases at either sides of her head and started to grind his hips repeatedly, moaning louder and louder as their lips smacked against each other. His madly pulsing length relentlessly slammed back and forth, now making the headboard hit against the wall with each movement. Miss. Goren’s fingers trembled against his sideburns as she started to lightly pull at them, breathing out his name against his lips. Then, as if in one highly anticipated moment of bliss and ecstasy, her body lifted off the mattress as he brought her to her climax, resulting in his just seconds later. Both of them harmonised their cries of pleasure with each of Reid’s eruptions, his body heating up with delight. Their moans echoed around the room while he continued to move his hips in a satisfying pace, their bodies jolting each time Reid’s length twitched until the sounds gradually fell to a chorus of heavy panting. 

With Reid’s body laying exhausted over Miss. Goren’s, he only had the energy to unclench his hands and lay them flat against the pillow. She couldn’t help but smile contently as his husky breathing continued in her ear. Her fingertips soothingly swept up and down his sweaty back, turning her head to press gentle kisses to his cheek. Reid felt the pleasure still circulating through his body as he weakly moved his fingers to play with the ends of her hair, still trembling. 

“I- I can’t remember the last time I felt like that.” He finally spoke, though still quiet. 

“Has it been a while, Edmund?” Miss. Goren replied, rubbing her lips against his jaw. He stayed silent and swallowed hard, clearing his throat before allowing his body to roll to the side, laying flat on his back with his hands resting on his stomach as his chest continued to rise and fall while he caught his breath. “Are you alright?” Miss. Goren pouted her lips, leaning up on her elbow and reaching one arm over, tracing patterns on his chest with the tip of her index finger. 

“I hope that, should we meet in these circumstances again, it doesn’t end so… Abruptly.” He admitted, staring up at the ceiling in an almost embarrassed state. 

“Is that what this silence is about?” She raised her eyebrows, rolling her eyes playfully when she got no response, “Or are you frustrated that I stopped so abruptly earlier, hm?”

“No, not yourself, me. You did me a favour earlier, that would’ve been most embarrassing.” He shook his head, glancing down at her fingers still moving against his chest. “I’m sorry this was over sooner than you had expected. I wasn’t exactly the masculine idea I bet you had in mind.”

“Edmund, what did I say about no expectations?” She narrowed her eyebrows, shaking her head, “If you had... Done that, it would have not made you any less of a man.” She leaned forward to press her lips to his shoulder, whispering against the skin with a slight smirk, “In fact, it would’ve been quite the compliment, Inspector.”

“I always worry about disappointing you.” His words were barely audible.

“Disappointing me?” She scowled, laying her palm still on his chest as he nodded, “You have never disappointed me.”

“You offer such comfort and kindness to me, and all I can give you in return is just… A few minutes.” He shrugged, chewing his bottom lip. 

“Don’t put yourself down like that.” She sighed sadly, leaning over to gently kiss his lips when he parted them to speak again, “Or I’ll just keep doing this.”

“Is that a threat?” His mouth slowly curled up into a brief smile. 

“It can be whatever you want it to be, Inspector.” She whispered, making a soft noise when she felt Reid’s hand cupping her cheek and bringing her into another kiss. 

“I asked you to call me ‘Edmund’, please.” He spoke against her lips before kissing her once more.

“And I asked you to stop putting yourself down.” She responded, trying to hide her smile against his lips as she slid one of her hands up to lightly tickle her fingers against one of his sideburns. He kissed her a final time before pulling back with his eyes playfully squinted, tilting his head and letting out a small, singular chuckle before pressing his lips together, pretending to be mad. Miss. Goren widened her eyes at the Inspector’s sudden change in mood and smiled, watching his facial expression with pure joy on her own. There was something about Reid when he smiled. His cheeks would raise at either side and he would show his teeth, the sides of his eyes would crinkle, and it would light up the room. It was such a special, beautiful moment every time he smiled.

“You look shattered and worn out, /Edmund/.” She emphasised his name this time, attempting at impersonating him. He crinkled his nose and pursed his lips at her from her impersonation. 

“I haven’t slept properly in weeks.” He spoke softly, gazing up into her eyes. 

“I think you should rest.” She sighed softly, sweeping her fingers back and forth over his sideburn for a few moments before catching eye contact with him again, “Do you know what else I think?” 

“What?” He blinked hard, studying her face. 

“These sideburns… Were made for tugging.” She spoke lowly, pulling at them just once, but lightly. 

“I- I’m glad they’re to your liking.” Reid tried not to smirk, reaching forward to gently caress her arm that was stretched out toward him, “Though, I would prefer them still attached to my face, if that’s all the same to you.”

“Oh, Edmund…” She giggled in response, pecking his lips and shaking her head before snuggling down into his arms when he wrapped one of them around her shoulders.

“I have to say, I have never felt more comfortable to fall asleep.” He spoke faintly, rubbing her shoulder gently as he laid his head back against the pillow, closing his eyes, “To be laid with someone in my arms who sees me for who I am, who I don’t have to hide myself or anything from, who still wishes to lay with me, it’s…” His voice trailed off, trying to find the right way to word it. 

“It’s what, Edmund?” She asked, reaching a hand up to run her fingers through his hair, pushing it up off his still warm forehead. 

“It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He spoke simply, letting out a content sigh. Miss. Goren’s eyes remained closed but her smile returned, continuing to soothingly run her fingers through his hair, laying her head against his chest. 

“There’s nothing I want more than to have you feel this way.” She whispered, slowly opening one eye after several seconds of silence, “Edmund?” She spoke into the darkness, lifting her head to gaze up at him before smiling softly when she noticed he was no longer awake, returning to place her head against his chest and hugging an arm around his body. The room became a sound of soft and steady breathing as their legs automatically intertwined with each other’s. For the first time in a long time, The Inspector was in a peaceful sleep.


	4. Did you Make her Tingle?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the night before...

By the time Miss. Goren was done with her rounds of breakfast, she began to wonder if she should wake Inspector Reid herself. He had spent the entire night with his arm wrapped securely around her, as if a comfort blanket. She glanced back at the children eating at the long table, the same one Reid first opened up to her whilst sitting at, before pushing her bedroom door open and closing it behind her, a cup of tea in her grip. Tiptoeing closer to the bed, she pinned her eyes down on the shape of his peaceful sleeping body through the sheets. Several visions from the night before ran their way through her mind, biting her bottom lip to hide a smirk. Carefully placing the cup down on the bedside table, she knelt at Reid’s bedside. After studying his face for a few long moments, she reached her arm out and paused for a second, laying her eyes upon the slight red scratches about his sideburns. Gasping quietly, she gently brushed the back of her hand against his cheek. Reid fidgeted for a moment before gradually opening his eyes, his initial reaction being surprised but sleepy when he didn’t quite recognise his surroundings, then slowly relaxing when he was met with Miss. Goren’s kind smile. 

“Good morning, sleepy head.” She spoke softly, caressing her thumb against his cheek as her arm remained stretched out. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve been awoken to such a pleasing view.” He spoke with a dopey smile. 

“Oh, Edmund…” Miss. Goren blushed, playfully nudging his shoulder, “I was worried that you were so comfortable, you wouldn’t wake!”

“Hm?” The Inspector scowled, “What time is it?!” 

“I’d say…just after 9:30.” She narrowed her eyebrows, trying to recall the last time she looked at the clock.

“Oh, God!” He exclaimed, throwing the sheets off him and getting out of bed, “I should be at the station!” He frantically ran his fingers through his stuck-up hair, suddenly realising he was standing completely in the nude. Widening his eyes, he covered himself with his hands, swallowing hard as he looked around shyly for his clothes. 

“Edmund, there is no need to be so bashful after last night.” She rolled her eyes playfully, glancing down at his big hands held over his crotch while chewing the inside of her cheek with a slight smirk. Reid blinked hard and tried to prevent his cheeks from going up in flames.

“Pardon me, M-Miss. Goren, but where are my clothes?” He asked in a calmer tone, raising his eyebrows. 

“Here.” She walked to the chair toward the side of the room and gestured to the neatly folded pile of clothes upon it. The Inspector’s lips parted, no sound coming from them as he tried to think of the right words to say.

“Miss. Goren, you didn’t need to…” He swallowed hard, looking at the pile of clothes before awkwardly side-shifting toward them. 

“It’s just habit.” She shrugged with a smile, unable to stop herself from laughing at Reid’s actions. As he moved passed her, she lightly swatted her hand against his bottom, making him turn to her with a shocked expression. “What do you have to hide under those hands that I’ve never seen before?” She arched a brow. 

“I… Nothing.” He glanced down at the floor, clearing his throat as he turned his gaze to her. 

“There’s nothing you have to hide from me, Edmund. Emotionally or physically.” She whispered, walking her fingertips up his chest and slowly licking her lips. Reid’s breathing immediately grew heavier from her actions and following words as she leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek before whispering into his ear, “Plus, I always knew your hands were big, but they’re impressively big enough to cover /that/.”

“I- I need to go to work…” He stuttered after several moments silence. He felt it was incredibly too easy for Miss. Goren to arouse him.

“Don’t let me stop you.” She pulled back, holding her hands up in innocence as she stepped toward the door, “I’ve made you a cup of tea, it’s on the bedside table.” She smiled innocently at him. 

“Thank you.” He nodded appreciatively, keeping his eyes on her until she closed the door behind her.   
Reid kicked himself from the way he’d just acted. Why did he have to come across so awkward this morning when he was gradually filled with confidence last night? This wasn’t the first time he had woken up to Miss. Goren, yet this morning he felt particularly self-conscious. Where Miss. Goren’s memories of last night were ones she’d happily live through again and again, Reid still couldn’t help but curse himself for his great loss of self-control. 

Once fully dressed, Reid collected the cup of tea from the table and sipped at it as he walked out of the bedroom. He spotted Miss. Goren in her kitchen and cautiously looked around before entering it himself, bringing the cup to his lips again and having a nervous drink before speaking. 

“Forgive me, Miss. Goren.” He narrowed his eyebrows, now warming both of his hands around the cup. 

“Forgive you?” She arched a brow as she turned around from her washing up, “For what?”

“For my actions this morning.” He spoke softly, flickering his eyes to hers.

“I thought you were in a rush to get to work?” She narrowed her eyes, turning back to her washing. Reid swallowed hard, taken aback by her sudden coldness toward him. He inhaled deeply through his nose and stepped further forward, speaking slightly louder. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so abrupt.” He placed the empty cup on the side, repeating himself, “Forgive me.”

“Edmund, you don’t have to apologise. Don’t you think I’m used to it by now?” She let out a singular, faint giggle.   
“Whether you’re used to it or not, it doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to continue to act like that.” He scolded himself. “I will change and… Learn to be more comfortable.”

“You don’t need to change; you just need to embrace your confidence.” She shrugged.

“My confidence is only grown around you.” He wasted no time in admitting the fact. 

“Then, there’s only one thing for it, isn’t there?” She bit her lip for a moment, watching Reid’s inquisitive stare, his eyebrows raised, “We see more of each other.”

“That would be nice.” Reid smiled, running his hand through his hair. 

“I think so, too.” She smiled back at him. 

“Thank you for the tea, by the way, and folding my clothes, letting me stay the night.” He spoke in a grateful tone as she turned closer to him. 

“Letting you stay the night, hm?” She squinted her eyes, reaching her hands up to straighten out his large jacket collar, “I think we both know it was a little bit more than just staying the night, Edmund.” 

“Oh, I couldn’t agree more.” He glanced down at her lips, licking his own. Miss. Goren trailed her eyes from his collar up to his nervous gaze, gasping quietly when his hand gently cupped her cheek and brought her into a soft kiss. He paused for a small moment before tilting his head and leaning in to kiss her again, allowing his eyes to fall shut. Miss. Goren kept a steady grip on either side of his jacket collar as she stood up on her tip toes to return each kiss just as fast as he gifted her one. 

“Miss. Goren, you forgot one.” A small voice spoke from the doorway, making them both suddenly break their contact as they spun around to spot one of the young children stood there with their empty bowl. Reid’s eyes widened as his arms dropped by his sides. 

“O-Oh, I’m sorry.” Miss. Goren stuttered, walking forward while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and taking the bowl from the child, placing it by the sink while they ran back to the group of children. “Sorry about tha-...” Miss. Goren tried to speak while turning back to Reid before being cut off from her words when he pressed his lips against hers once more, almost in a sense of urgency. One of his hands rested on her hip, his fingers slowly growing in confidence as he pulled her closer to him again. 

“You’re a wonderful woman, Miss. Goren.” He spoke against her lips.

“Stop making me blush, Edmund.” She spoke back, brushing their lips together.

“I mean it.” His tone became slightly more serious, though unable to stop himself from planting another kiss upon her lips.

“In that case, I think you can definitely spend the night again sometime.” She crinkled her nose, “Edmund, remove that mask you force yourself to wear. You’ve got a beautiful face without it, you know.”

“I- I promise I’ll try. For you.” He nodded, feeling his cheeks growing slightly pink.

“Good,” She smiled, leaning up to kiss him once more before standing flat on the floor again, “Now, get yourself to work before…”

“Someone else fills my spot?” He raised one of his eyebrows, finishing her sentence as the both of them walked toward the door.

“Impossible.” Miss. Goren shook her head with a grin, blowing him a kiss as he stepped out of the door. The Inspector took a deep breath and smiled from one side of his mouth, catching the kiss in the palm of his hand and exhaling with a soft sigh. 

On his way down to the station, The Inspector had a slight spring in his step, also urgency, but mostly a spring. He was going to try and incorporate the confidence Miss. Goren’s words had given him into his day at work. However, for someone as emotionally shy as him, that was much easier said than done.   
He nodded politely at the people surrounding the station before walking inside, suddenly becoming aware that he still wasn’t wearing his hat. He waved good morning to Mr. Atherton as tried to ignore the same suspicious expression he gave him the night before as he stood behind the desk. He quickly rushed his way up the stairs and toward his office, trying to make himself look as little obvious as possible. Pushing the door open he frantically looked around for his hat, scowling to himself when he didn’t find it in its usual spot. He sighed loudly and did one last sweep of his office with his eyes before shaking his head in confusion and walking back down the stairs, trying to push his hair back with both of his hands. 

“Inspector.” Drake raised his eyebrows as Reid walked into Jackson’s Dead Room. 

“Good morning, Bennet.” Reid nodded, trying his best not to show how flustered he was, “I thought I might find you here.”

“Find me here? It’s you we were searching for!” Drake chuckled, narrowing his eyebrows, “You’re usually the one rounding us up!” 

“Ah, yes, well… I’m sorry, Sargent, I had some… Matters to attend to.” Reid blinked hard, scanning the worktops as he squinted his eyes. 

“Matters, Sir?” Drake raised a brow inquisitively, tilting his head to the side. Reid let out a heavy sigh and pushed several objects of Jackson’s medical tools to the side, now in a desperate state to find his hat. He pressed his lips together hard and scratched his forehead, feeling as if he had completely lost his mind. 

“Yes, I-…” He began to speak until he was cut off.

“Looking for something, Reid?” The smug, voice spoke from the doorway of which Reid had his back to. The voice of an American. Reid could tell from the tone of his voice alone that he was trying not to laugh. The moment he heard the voice, Reid placed both of his hands on the counter in front of him and gripped it hard, exhaling loudly as he closed his eyes, shaking his head and keeping his back toward the door.

“Jackson, if I turn around and you’re wearing my hat…” Reid flared his nostrils. 

“What are you going to do, hm? We thought showing this to people was going to be the only way of finding you!” Jackson joked. Reid turned around with a glare and held his hand out, looking at his hat upon Jackson’s head. 

“Please, take that hat from your greasy head and return it to me.” Reid rolled his eyes. Jackson pulled a face at him and widened his eyes, handing him the hat, “Thank you, Captain.” Reid wiped the hat with the palm of his hand and inspected it before placing it on his head with both hands. Once snug on his head, Reid bit the inside of his lip and looked back towards Drake and Jackson, mentally reminding himself that he’d promised Miss. Goren that he would try and no longer live behind his emotionless mask.

“Inspector, you’ll be glad to know, we have new leads from yesterday’s case.” Drake handed Reid several papers.

“Wonderful!” Reid smiled appreciatively, flicking through the papers himself. 

“I believe we now have our location, too.” Drake added, leaning toward the paper and pointing to a particular paragraph. 

“Location? Fantastic, this is all we had left to discover!” Reid’s smile now made his eyes light up as he repeatedly scanned over the text, snapping his fingers together in glee.

“Christ, Reid, two smiles in one minute?” Jackson laughed out his words, teasing “Which whore’s bed have you been sleeping in?!”

“Jackson, that is no way to speak to Mr. Reid. You and I both know that the only bed in which The Inspector lays upon is the one he shares with his wife.” Drake scolded Jackson, swallowing hard as he watched Reid’s response. Reid took a deep breath and set the papers down on the counter, tapping his fingers against the surface as he pondered with his thoughts for a few moments. 

“Actually, Bennet, I wish no longer for you to lie for me.” Reid spoke lowly, turning back to both of them after closing the door.

“Lie for you, Sir?” Drake pretended not to know what he was talking about. Jackson stared at both of them in confusion. 

“Bennet, these last few weeks I have tasked you to keep a secret of mine, but I feel like I should at least start to come clean.” Reid exhaled, “Starting with…”

“Oh, no, not the American!” Drake immediately shook his head, looking up at Reid. 

“What?” Jackson scowled. 

“Jackson, several weeks ago, Sargent Drake stumbled upon an encounter between me and Miss. Goren.” Reid turned to Jackson while Drake continued to shake his head. 

“What kind of encounter?” Jackson raised a curious eyebrow.  
“An encounter of which… Mrs. Reid would most certainly frown upon.” Reid swallowed hard. 

“Reid?!” Jackson gasped, blinking hard, “And you told Drake over me?!” He scoffed, crossing his arms across his chest with an offended expression. 

“Drake found me in… Certain circumstances which I could not exactly cover up.” Reid rubbed his thumb against his forehead.

“What did he stumble upon, hm? Did you have your pants ‘round your ankles?” Jackson rolled his eyes. There were a few minutes silence between the three of them, Drake fiddling with the cuffs of his jacket nervously, unsure of the right thing to say. 

“It matters not what he saw, just that it isn’t something I can pretend didn’t happen,” Reid flicked his eyes between them both, “And that such events have continued to take place since…”

“Sir?” Drake raised his eyebrows in shock. 

“It’s true. I can no longer falsely live like it isn’t happening.” Reid sighed in defeat, eager for both of them to now know the truth.

“Congratulations, Reid… On finally getting laid.” Jackson smirked. 

“Congratulations, Jackson… On finally turning up to work sober.” Reid responded with squinted eyes. Drake laughed under his breath, watching Jackson’s shocked expression following Reid’s witty comeback.

“Hang on, Reid, can we get back to how you told Drake first?!” Jackson exclaimed, scowling at him. 

“Jackson, Mr. Reid wasn’t exactly in a position to not have to tell me.” Drake spoke in a slightly uneasy tone. 

“Christ, have you told Mr. Best, too?” Jackson said sarcastically and rolled his eyes once more. Reid chewed his bottom lip and shook his head. “Need I mention your wife?”

“Jackson, I don’t think you’re really the one who should be judging another man’s unfaithfulness to his wife.” Reid shot a slight glare in his direction while Drake brought the back of his hand to his mouth as he couldn’t help but let out a small laugh against it from Reid’s words. Jackson stayed silent and gritted his teeth as he glanced down at the ground. Reid felt rather proud that he’d managed to silence the cocky American.

“So, I presume it is Miss. Goren’s residence that you return from this morning?” Drake asked. Reid nodded, his heart still beating quickly in his chest from finally coming clean with his encounters. 

“Indeed.” He swallowed hard, suddenly all three of them turning their attention to the door when there was a knock on it. Reid gestured for the Constable to come in. 

“Sargent Drake, may we borrow you for a moment?” The young Constable asked politely, smiling. 

“Of course,” Drake returned the smile, stepping toward the door, “Mr. Reid, Jackson, excuse me.” He spoke softly before following the Constable out of the room and shutting the door behind him. 

“Inspector Reid and Miss. Goren, huh?” Jackson spoke with his back turned to Reid, facing his medical set-up, “Isn’t she the lady who runs the orphanage?” 

“She is.” Reid squinted his eyes, wondering what Jackson was trying to get at.

“I hope you put something on the end of it, Reid, she’s surely already got enough children on her plate without you helping to add to the bunch.” He sniggered, holding up one of his glass containers and looking into it. Reid sighed and shook his head, looking back down at the papers on the counter.

“Jackson, do your results match with the location of which Sargent Drake has found?” Reid pretended to not hear Jackson’s previous comment. 

“I believe so.” Jackson shrugged, “So, while me and Drake were hard at work, you were also /hard/ at work while trying to add to Miss. Goren’s child collection.”

“Jackson…” Reid spoke lowly, turning to him once more. 

“Or are you trying to find another child to take home for your wife in place of the one you’ve… Lost?” He continued his previous attempt at conversation, desperate to get a rise out of The Inspector as he flicked the thin, glass tube with his finger and thumb. Since Reid had embarrassed him earlier with his sober and unfaithful comments, he wanted to try and show him who really was the boss of being clever. Reid felt a flare of anger rise in his stomach, his promise to Miss. Goren suddenly going out of the window.

“Don’t you /dare/ bring her into this!” Reid raised his voice, gripping Jackson by the collar of his shirt as Jackson tried to hold onto the glass tube tightly. 

“It’s not nice being the butt of a joke, is it?” Jackson glared at him up and down. Reid tightened his grip on his collar and let out a heavy breath. 

“You’re not a cowboy now, Jackson. Just because you’ve got a gun.” Reid spoke through gritted teeth. 

“Oh? Is it just a coincidence that it’s always ready and loaded when you’re around, Reid?” Jackson spoke in a deep tone, raising his eyebrows with a slight smirk. Reid pinned him against the wall with force, taken aback slightly by his words. 

“Don’t forget who keeps you in a job.” Reid stared down into his eyes, keeping his tight grip on his collar. 

“You’re quite forceful with these big hands, aren’t you, Reid?” Jackson raised a brow, glancing down at either of his hands, “I bet you’re quite dominant when you want to be,” He shrugged, feeling himself being held against the wall in a more restricted position, “Were you?” His voice grew lower with each sentence, studying The Inspector’s face, “Did you make her tingle?” He breathed out and dragged out the last word while slowly tracing the tip of his tongue across his top teeth. Reid let out an uneasy breath as he parted his lips, closing his eyes and shaking his head, trying to block Jackson’s words out of his head before shoving him against the wall again with a grunt, an uneasy but fierce look on his face. 

“Inspector?” Drake blinked hard as he walked into the current scene, shocked by how hands-on Reid was being. Reid immediately let go of Jackson and straightened his jacket while Jackson wriggled free out of his grip, placing the glass tube carefully back in its place. The both of them straightened their clothes, Reid failing to make eye contact with Drake. 

“Can you believe it, Drake?” Jackson widened his eyes, reaching for his own hat, placing it on his head and lighting himself a cigarette before walking toward the open door, speaking while it hung from his lips, “The Inspector has a sex life!” He shook his head in dramatic disbelief, walking out of the door and slamming it behind him. Reid let several heavy breaths out as he lifted his hat, brushing his hair back before placing it back on his head. 

“I don’t know how you can bare to just tolerate your American, Edmund.” Drake frowned in disapproval, watching Reid try and exhale the previous rage from his body. It wasn’t often he was so highly strung, but Jackson annoyingly knew exactly which buttons to press. 

“Because, Sargent Drake, he is irritatingly good at what he does.” Reid sighed as he spoke. Drake allowed a single chuckle to escape his lips, raising his eyebrows as he tilted his head. 

“And what’s that, Sir, being a surgeon or getting you all riled up?”


	5. Must You be so Cold?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After months of living with the coldness of his wife since the loss of their daughter, Reid is unaware of how he is treating others around him in almost the same way...

Every night Reid’s restless body laid in his small office bed, he longed for company beside him. It had been a couple of weeks since his last encounter with Miss. Goren and he was seeing his wife less and less. Physically, he was hardly ever there for her and as a result, emotionally, she was never there for him. Still to blame in her eyes for their unhealthy family situation, Reid felt his punishment was deserved. So much so, he would then blame himself. Unable to then face her or bring himself to tell her where he sometimes spent his darkest moments, he would wind up spending the majority of his nights alone at the station. That was until he couldn’t take the loneliness anymore and he would end up in the arms of Miss. Goren once again. Then, he’d be spending even less time at home, then his wife would be even less emotionally supportive, and he’d force himself to admit defeat and find comfort with Miss. Goren again. It was a never-ending circle.

With a hazy head fogged from the day’s events so far, Inspector Reid trudged his way into his house for the first time in days. He looked into the front room while removing his hat, squinting his eyes when he didn’t find his wife there before proceeding toward the stairs and slowly climbing them. The house was eerily quiet. Once reaching the top, he walked toward the only door in the hallway that had a crack in the opening of it. The rest looked like they hadn’t been touched for a while. Reid placed one palm flat on the door, taking a sharp breath through his nose before slowly pushing it open, chewing the inside of his bottom lip. 

“Oh, so the wonderer returns…” She spoke quietly, not even flinching from the opening of the door and immediately knowing who it was from the hesitating speed of it. 

“Emily…” Reid blinked hard, gazing down at her knelt by their daughter’s old box of toys, putting them all back in one by one as if they had just been played with. She stayed silent as he walked closer to her, unsure of whether to touch her shoulder as he stood behind her; afraid of immediate rejection. The toys were placed neatly in the box, evenly apart and looking recently dusted. Emily had gotten into the habit of taking out the toys and cleaning them before putting them back again, almost as if to feel as if she was still here to play with them, “Have you been doing this all day?” Reid asked in a soft tone. 

“Not just this, no. I spent some time changing her bed.” Emily turned her body slightly so she could point toward it. It was obvious she had been crying. Reid also turned to look at the small, singular bed and freshly laid sheets, feeling his eyes grow heavy as he pressed his lips together to force them not to tremble. 

“Emily, this isn’t healthy…” He narrowed his eyebrows, turning his attention back to her.

“Edmund, nothing about this ‘family’ is healthy.” She stared down at the floor.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Reid scowled a little, tilting his head. Emily stayed silent for a few moments before standing up and brushing down the front of her dress, ignoring his question. 

“Why are you here, Edmund?” She looked up at him, keeping the same blank look on her face. 

“This is my home, Emily. Our home. O-Our family home.” Reid spoke in a defeated tone, gazing down into her eyes, “I came to see you, to make sure you were okay.”

“I thought that a house had to contain a family in order for it to be called a ‘family home’.” Her gaze met the floor again, silencing Reid as he tried to think of what to say. He knew it was never going to be the same again without their little girl, but he had no idea the relationship between his wife and himself was going to suffer as greatly for it. He hoped that one day the terrible experience would at least bring them closer together, but that family image in his mind was gradually slipping away. Reid never meant to cause any harm or hurt to either his daughter or his marriage, but it was as if Emily hardly ever saw it that way. 

“Emily, please…” He had a pleading look in his eyes as she shifted her gaze back up to his again.

“Are you staying this time?” She asked in a way as if already knowing the answer. 

“I… Can stay, yes.” Reid nodded, stepping closer to her and reaching out his hands. Emily blinked hard and kept her arms by her side, shaking her head. “Emily?” He narrowed his eyebrows, studying her face with a confused but slightly offended expression. 

“Maybe had your tone been a little more convincing, I would’ve believed you.” She spoke quietly, glancing at him just briefly before walking out of the room and toward the stairs. 

“Emily, I came because I need to get something to take to work, and I wanted to see you!” Reid allowed his voice to rise ever so slightly. 

“Yes, well, we all know what happens when you take something to work with you, Edmund.” She spoke under her breath, walking down the stairs. Reid swallowed hard and followed her down the stairs, sighing deeply from her words. He often internally punished himself for the decision he made that day, but it really brought it home when he heard one of her hurtful comments regarding it. 

“Where are you going?” He stood on the bottom step as she placed her hand on the door handle, blinking hard and trying to remain calm. 

“Out.” She opened the door, looking back at him with yet another expressionless face. 

“Emily!” He called after her as she stepped outside, not even making the effort to mutter another word to him, “Must you be so cold?!” He stood in the doorway, watching her as she disappeared into the crowd of the street. Grunting in frustration, he closed the door and leaned back against it, covering his face with his hands. He couldn’t remember the last time his wife had shown him the slightest bit of interest and he was beginning to wonder if she even cared about how much it destroyed him. Part of his heart left him when he had to get used to life without their daughter, but now he was having to get used to life without his wife. In a twisted way, it was even harder because although she was there physically, she was completely vacant. He would try his best to be there for her, but it became pretty obvious that she wasn’t interested in it. No matter how he tried to word or approach the situation, he got nothing back. On the rare occasion they would share a bed, it would be like sleeping next to a motionless rock. He couldn’t remember the last time she allowed him to show his love toward her, it was like she had become revolted toward his touch. She acted like she’d never had love and as a punishment, she was now making Reid go without it completely. She almost made it seem as if being married to him was now a task rather than a choice.

After taking a few long moments to compose himself, Reid walked into the front room and snatched a piece of paper off the coffee table, placing it in his pocket to take with him back to the station. Turning to walk back toward the door, he caught a glimpse of the family photo set on the fireplace. He looked at it for a little while, exhaling deeply as he continued to walk to the door, placing his hat back on his head before stepping outside and locking the door behind him. While making his way through the streets and toward the station, he didn’t know if he hoped to bump into Emily or avoid her. All he knew was that he would have to place the mask upon his face again by the time he returned to work. The one that made it seem as if everything was okay. The one that only Miss. Goren managed to remove. 

“Here.” Reid placed the piece of paper on one of Jackson’s benches before turning to walk out of the room again. 

“Good afternoon to you, too, Reid.” He heard Jackson mumble sarcastically, ignoring it as he walked up the stairs and into his office. He closed the door behind him and sat down at his desk, pausing for a moment to take a deep breath before pulling out one of his many files and spreading them out along the table, chewing the end of his thumb as he studied them. He scowled slightly when he heard a knock at the door, glancing up and gesturing to come in half-heartedly when he spotted Sargent Drake through the small window.

“Inspector, I just saw your Emily.” Drake closed the door, turning to look at Reid. 

“Did you…” Reid spoke while still staring down at the pieces of paper.

“Pardon me for saying, but she did look rather distressed.” Drake narrowed his eyebrows.

“Did she…” He exhaled deeply, still not averting his gaze from his desk. 

“Sir?” Drake scowled, coming closer to him, “Is everything alright?”

“What would make you think it is not?” He finally looked up at him. 

“Well, given the situati-…” Drake attempted to begin an explanation. 

“Bennet, if you have come to lecture me on family affairs, I suggest Jackson would make a better client.” Reid gave him a disapproving look. 

“Forgive me, Sir, I didn’t mean to cause offence or intrude.” Drake frowned, watching as Reid waved his hand and shook his head as if in attempt to brush over the conversation. The room fell silent for several seconds as Reid’s concentration switched back to the papers. “Edmund?” Drake squinted his eyes, daring himself to try and make conversation again. 

“Bennet.” Reid spoke in a low tone and lifted his head once more.

“I- I’ll leave you be, Inspector. My apologies for the disruption.” Drake stuttered uneasily, able to tell from Reid’s unwilling tone of voice that he wasn’t in the mood to make conversation. Reid remained silent and watched Drake out of the corner of his eye as he reached for the door handle. As little as Reid wanted to speak about the recent dispute with his wife, he did know that speaking to or spending time with a good friend may at least take the strain off his mind a little. 

“Bennet…” He called as Drake twisted the doorknob, making him look back at The Inspector with his eyebrows raised. 

“Edmund?” Drake offered a small smile. 

“What are your plans for this evening?” He asked, laying his hands flat on the table. 

“This evening?” Drake bit his lip to hide a grin, “This evening, I’m to take Miss. Rose to the theatre, Sir.” He could hardly stop the grin now creeping onto his face as he continued to speak, “I’ve got her a surprise, actually. She told me about this beautiful dress that she’s seen and how she would love nothing more than to wear it and go to the theatre. I can’t tell you how much I am unable to wait to see that beautiful smile when she lays her eyes upon it, she’s surely going to look like…” Drake paused, shaking his head as he struggled with the right words to say as the wide beam of happiness remained spread across his face while he pictured the image in his mind, suddenly blinking hard when snapping himself out of his trance, “I- I’m sorry, Inspector, I got a little ahead of myself…” He let out a nervous chuckle, eagerly waiting for his cheeks to return to their normal colour before facing Reid again. 

“You’re rather fond of Miss Rose, aren’t you?” Reid arched a brow. 

“I had hoped it wasn’t that obvious…” Drake rubbed his finger and thumb against his bearded jaw, smiling shyly, “But, yes…I can’t deny she makes the day a bit brighter, Edmund.”

“Enjoy your evening.” Reid nodded, half smiling. 

“Thank you, Sir.” Drake smiled, “And you enjoy yours… With Mrs. Reid. Perhaps, one day, we could all go together.” He shrugged, still smiling. 

“U-Uh… Perhaps, Sargent Drake.” Reid cleared his throat. He knew that Emily didn’t even want to spend time with him in their own home, let alone allow them to be seen together in public. Reid remembered the early days of their relationship where he and Emily would often spend nights out together, watching plays, walks along the docks, just generally enjoying each other’s company. It was only when he was hearing about someone else’s personal life that it really made him realise how much his own had come crashing down since. It left him deflated.

“Edmund, I want to say this to you as a friend,” Drake swallowed hard, facing Reid properly and sensing his unease whenever his wife was mentioned in conversation, especially since knowing about his encounters with Miss. Goren, “If something is on your mind, I’m not a man to judge if you want to talk about it.” 

“Thank you, Bennet.” Reid nodded appreciatively, “However, I will not burden you with the dark spell that has cast itself upon my life.” 

“Ed…” Drake narrowed his eyebrows, letting out a sad sigh.

“Please, enjoy the theatre with your Rose.” He gazed up at him again after placing the pieces of paper back in their file. 

“Oh, she’s not ‘my’ Rose, Edmund.” Drake shook his head, a slightly unhappy expression threatening to creep onto his face. 

“Forgive me.” Reid blinked hard.

“Not to worry,” Drake raised his eyebrows as he reached to open the door again, turning to look back at Reid as he stepped into the doorway, “A man can dream, Inspector.” He smiled softly at the thought, tipping his hat at Reid before closing the door behind him and disappearing down the stairs. 

Something about Drake’s smile stuck with Reid for the rest of the day. It was something Reid hadn’t seen for a long time – an expression of hope. Not only was it something he hadn’t seen for a long time, it was also something he hadn’t experienced for a long time. For the rest of the afternoon and into the evening, he kept himself cooped up in his office, not wanting to see or speak to a single soul. He didn’t even have the energy in him to go down into Jackson’s Dead Room and make sure he was doing as he was told. 

Jumping slightly from the sudden sound, Reid shot his head up to look at the door when it opened, scowling. 

“Forgive me, Inspector.” He heard the familiar female voice say as she closed the door behind her before turning around properly to face him, “I didn’t mean to cause a fright.”

“Usually, people knock.” Reid responded with an emotionless face, almost mirroring the way his wife had looked at him before she left and trailing his eyes up to meet with Miss. Goren’s as she stood before him. She swallowed hard from his abrupt response but shook it off, hoping she could at least try to lighten his mood. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been met with him in this state before. 

“I haven’t seen you for weeks, Edmund.” She narrowed her eyebrows. 

“I’ve been busy.” He looked down at his papers again, sorting through them.

“I see that.” She nodded, holding her hands in front of her as she kept her eyes on him, “Your sudden silence worried me, Edmund.” She frowned. 

“And so, you thought it appropriate to come into my station, up the stairs and into my office?” He raised a brow, looking up at her again with an authoritative expression this time.

“Is it not, Sir?” She looked confused. 

“Not when suspicious, headline writing eyes lay themselves upon you rushing into my office.” Reid spoke lowly. Miss. Goren took a deep breath in order to try and keep herself calm from the coldness of Reid’s responses. She dared herself to step further into his office and walked behind him, biting the inside of her cheek. 

“Is now not a good time?” She asked softly. 

“To be frank, Miss. Goren, I don’t believe any time is a good time at present.” He shook his head, keeping his gaze forward. 

“Inspector, tell me what’s happened…” She stood behind him, peering over his shoulder. 

“I suggest you escape this room while you can, today has proven yet again that nothing good comes from spending time with me.” He swallowed hard, staring down at his hands.

“Inspector, that is not true…” Miss. Goren sighed sadly, biting her lip nervously as she set her hands upon his shoulders, keeping them still. Reid froze when he felt her touch, staying silent, “These shoulders, Edmund, strong enough to carry an entire city and it’s Police Department… Relax them.” She breathed out her words in a gentle tone, carefully starting to massage her fingertips against his shoulders from over his blazer. Reid allowed himself to defuse into his chair for a few moments before swallowing hard and shaking his head, tensing his shoulders back up. 

“Miss. Goren…” Reid whimpered out his words. She continued to work her fingers against his tense muscles and bit her lip as she kept her eyes on his reaction, narrowing her eyebrows, “Miss. Goren, p-please…” His weak voice stuttered. 

“Please what, Edmund?” She whispered, gently squeezing his shoulders.

“Stop…” He swallowed hard, wanting nothing more than to reach his hands up and take Miss. Goren’s in his own.

“Stop what?” She pouted.

“This.” He sighed, “I do not want to bring my dreadful days into yours.”

“Edmund…” She stopped moving her hands and moved to stand in front of him again, reaching for a chair and bringing it to the other side of his desk so she was facing him once sat down. The Inspector stared down at his hands again and blinked hard, staying completely silent and refusing to lift his gaze. Miss. Goren frowned and reached for both of his hands over the table, gently caressing his large palms with her thumbs as she tried to look into his eyes. His hands felt weak and helpless, allowing her to do whatever she pleased as she attempted to soothe him. “You don’t have to deal with things on your own, Inspector. Sometimes a listening ear is just the relief you need.” She spoke softly, trailing her eyes up his held-out forearms that were rested against his desk. He didn’t budge. “I know how you fee-..”

“No,” He shook his head firmly, snatching his hands back and standing up out of his chair, exhaling loudly, “You do /not/ know how I feel, Miss. Goren.” He spoke slightly louder. 

“Edmund?” She gasped, shocked from his reaction to her attempt at showing empathy. Reid took a deep breath and paced to the back of his room, feeling his breathing getting heavier as the emotions bubbled inside him. 

“Fail your marriage, being a parent, your job, your work… Have your own wife treat you like some kind of poison! Have a brutal, careless murderer on the loose, on your streets, constantly hoping and praying that as each night goes by, he doesn’t take another one of the innocent women that you failed to protect off your streets! Have all that inside your mind and knowing that it’s all your fault… /Then/, Miss. Goren… Then, tell me you know how I feel.” His voice raised at the same pace as his anger; anger toward himself. Almost out of breath from reeling off the worries that had been trapped inside his head, he felt his eyes grow heavy in disbelief that he had just shouted at the only person he could trust with all his dark thoughts. 

“None of this is purposely because of you, Edmund…” She swallowed hard, now also standing up. Reid stared out of the window, biting the inside of his cheek as he tried to stop his lip quivering. Cautiously, she approached him, unsure of whether to offer him another kind touch as he had thrown the other two away, “I don’t want to leave you in this state…” She dared herself to step closer to him, licking her lips nervously before speaking again, “I don’t want to give up on you, Edmund.” 

“Miss. Goren, I’m not entirely sure I’m worth saving anymore.” His voice was much quieter this time, coming across defeated by his own outburst. 

“Don’t say that.” She frowned, looking up at him as his gaze remained fixed on the window. “What happened with your daughter, that wasn’t your fault. You had no idea that was going to happen when you took her out that day.” 

“I- I shouldn’t have taken her to work with me… I- I shouldn’t have… I- I shouldn’t...” His voice grew weaker and weaker with each word, his emotions beating him as a tear rolled down his cheek, lifting his fist to his face as his knuckles brushed against his lips, letting out a quiet sniffle while trying to swallow the lump in his throat. 

“Edmund, take a deep breath. I can’t put into words how hard you work. But… Look what it’s doing to you.” She narrowed her eyebrows, trailing her eyes up and down his visibly exhausted body, “You can’t keep blaming yourself, punishing yourself…”

“Who else is there to blame?” He stared out into the night, still refusing to make eye contact. 

“Well, truthfully… On the subject of… F-Failing your w-wife… I am just as much to blame as you are, Inspector.” She spoke quietly, looking down at her feet, “If you don’t want such things to continue, you only have to say, Inspector. It won’t make me want to be here for you any less.” Reid stayed silent as she spoke, playing with the cuffs of his blazer as his thoughts overpowered his mind. Miss. Goren didn’t really know how to take his silence, unsure of whether he wanted to tell her that he didn’t want the affair to continue or whether he just couldn’t find the words to admit that it was the only thing that helped; someone who actually listened and allowed him to comfortably open up without any fear of judgement. “Edmund, remember what we said about you talking to me, hm?” Her voice was soft, hoping for him to open up. 

“I do,” Reid nodded, taking a shaky breath, “However, it wasn’t me that called on you tonight, Miss. Goren.”

“Inspector?” She blinked, trying to ignore footsteps coming up the stairs. Reid suddenly looked toward the door and widened his eyes, inhaling sharply as his heartbeat sped up in panic. “What do you mean by that?” 

“You cannot simply turn up at my door whenever you please!” Reid exclaimed in a sudden surge of fear, unable to control the tone of his voice, his eyes meeting hers with another authoritative expression. Miss. Goren parted her lips in offence and shock, holding her face frozen in the same expression for several moments before gritting her teeth together. 

“No, but it seems perfectly fine for you to do so at mine, Edmund!” She shot him a glare as the sound of the footsteps returned back down the stairs, taking a sharp breath before marching over to the door and swinging it open, allowing it to slam shut after her. 

“M-Miss. Goren!” Reid cried out, not even caring at this point if anyone had heard him and cursing himself for making her walk away. It was too late. By the time he had opened the door and looked down the stairs, she had disappeared. He stormed back into his office and harshly crashed the door shut, clenching his fists and feeling his entire body rage with regret of his words and anger toward himself yet again. He began to wonder if he was capable of being pleasant toward anyone anymore. He couldn’t come to terms with the fact that he appeared to be the only one to get in his own way, horrendously messing up any chance he was given to try and better himself, not allowing himself to do so. 

After throwing away all opportunities of comfort tonight, not being able to go home and face his wife and losing the chance of pouring his heart out to Miss. Goren, he didn’t know where to turn. He didn’t want to stay in the office, either. He needed to find some sort of escape out of his own head. He shakily pushed his door open and closed it behind him, making his way down the stairs casually, not wanting to raise any suspicion. As an idea he was almost certain he was going to regret crept into his mind, he walked into Jackson’s Dead Room and looked over his shoulder to make sure no one had followed him before taking one of Jackson’s unopened bottles of whisky, placing it in his large coat pocket and walking back out again.

“Goodnight, Inspector Reid.” Mr. Atherton peered over his small glasses with a smile. 

“Goodnight.” Reid didn’t even look in his direction before exiting the station and shoving his hands into his large pocket, searching around for a tin of already rolled cigarettes and a packet of matches. Pulling them both out at the same time, he opened the tin and placed one of the cigarettes in his mouth, carefully lighting it after striking the match and blowing the flame out in the wind. He took a long drag, holding his breath for several seconds before exhaling the smoke slowly as he paced his streets, keeping his free hand buried in his other pocket again and his head down. Much to his distress, his troubled thoughts didn’t leave his body with the smoke each time he breathed it out and he thought his only option left was to drown it out instead. Once he had found himself a dark enough street to slip into, he slumped his body down into a doorway, sitting on the doorstep as he placed the cigarette back between his lips again while reaching back into his pocket for the bottle. Countless times he had told himself that he wouldn’t stoop as low as Jackson; drinking away his problems. Tonight, however, he found himself unable to see any other way. Plus, if it worked so often with Jackson, what would the harm be in trying it himself? His hand trembled against the neck of the bottle as he opened it, pausing for a moment before replacing the cigarette that was between his lips with the bottle. The first gulp made his body shudder, gritting his teeth from the strength of it. It wasn’t that he wasn’t used to having the occasional tipple of whisky, it was that the amount that he had just poured into his system was about three times as much already. The powerful taste couldn’t put him off tonight, though, and so, tossing the cigarette to the floor, he took another large swig from the bottle. He began to wonder how Jackson could drink so much of the stuff. Feeling slightly lightheaded, he leaned forward with his elbows against his knees and allowed his head to hang forward as his hat tumbled off the top of it and onto the ground. His breathing grew heavier as his body jerked forward, heaving a couple of times but only resulting in a couple of weak coughs. The bottle slipped out of his hand and smashed as it hit the ground, causing a slight fright to the dark figure that appeared in an opening doorway. 

“Reid?” Jackson’s suspicious voice sounded as he made his way out of one of the hidden away side doors, a cigarette hanging between his lips. Tucking his shirt back into his trousers, he shut the door quietly behind him and approached Reid. He raised his eyebrows when he followed Reid’s uncomfortable looking posture until he was met with the smashed bottle of whisky on the floor next to his feet. It was a shock to even find Reid in a state like this, but his concern only grew when he received no response from The Inspector. “Earth to Reid!” Jackson raised his voice slightly more, waving his hand in front of Reid’s face and squinting again when he still didn’t get a response. Groaning in frustration, Jackson crouched down and reached for one of Reid’s arms, placing it around his shoulders in an attempt to hoist him back up onto his feet while grasping his hat in his free hand and holding the cigarette between his lips again. As much as they bickered, even Jackson couldn’t leave Reid in a state like this. “Come on, brother.” He sighed, stumbling a couple of steps forward and then backward again as he tried to help him gain his balance, “Let’s get you home.” Jackson sniggered with a small chuckle. 

“N-No…” Reid’s eyes briefly opened as he shook his head. 

“No?” Jackson scowled, trying to look at him. Reid drifted back into his dizzy state as he tried to walk, hardly able to respond, “I see… Let’s just hope Susan has a sofa for you, then.” Jackson sighed, shaking his head. As Jackson helped him walk through the dead, silent streets, he couldn’t help but cringe every time he heard Reid retch, “And if you could try to refrain from vomiting on my jacket, that would be much appreciated.” He rolled his eyes, fighting to keep them both up-right. 

By the time Jackson had helped Reid stagger back to his home, Reid was almost completely unconscious as the alcohol surged around his body. Opening the door, he almost dragged him inside before shutting it behind them both. 

“Susan, we have a lodger!” He called, hunched over slightly from Reid being taller than him and out of breath. 

“A lodger?” Susan questioned as she emerged from one of the rooms, immediately gasping when she realised who Jackson had draped around his shoulder, “Inspector?” She raised her eyebrows. 

“Believe it or not.” He nodded, holding up Reid’s hat to confirm Susan’s question. 

“Where did you find him?” She widened her eyes. 

“Slumped in a doorway, smashed empty bottle of whisky at his feet. Now, Susan, please could we have this conversation when I don’t have him using my body to stand upright?” He looked up at her with an unamused expression, feeling himself almost losing his grip on Reid’s arm. 

“U-Uh, yes, bring him in here…” Susan nodded, walking slightly further down the hall and opening one of the doors. Jackson followed close behind and grunted as he helped Reid stagger toward the sofa, finally setting him down on it and letting out a heavy sigh of relief. 

“What business does The Inspector have with drinking a bottle of whisky outside in the middle of the night?” Susan watched from the doorway. 

“There are some questions not worth asking, Susan.” Jackson shook his head, only knowing half of the tale himself. Reid had managed to lay himself out on the sofa but was now barely even aware of his surroundings, his eyes closed and one of his arms hanging down toward the floor. Jackson turned to walk back out of the room, looking over at Susan, “I think it’s best we get him a glass of water and a bowl.” 

“A bowl?” Susan arched a brow. 

“Yes, I didn’t think you’d like him to make a mess of your carpet, darlin’.” He smiled sarcastically, gently pecking her lips and brushing their bodies together in the narrow doorway as he walked passed her to retrieve the glass water and bowl. Susan smirked from his kiss but refrained from licking her lips, knowing all too well where Jackson had probably just returned from. “I’ll just leave these with Reid and then I’ll be right with you, don’t you worry.” He winked at her as he walked back into the room, pursing his lips as he kept his gaze on her for several seconds. 

“Oh, Captain, such thrill of your ever-thrusting hips awaits.” She spoke in a sarcastic tone and rolled her eyes dramatically, trying to hold back a grin. Jackson crouched down, placing the glass of water and bowl on the floor. 

“You know it, darlin’.” He looked over his shoulder at Susan, nodding with an arrogant smirk. Susan squinted her eyes playfully and watched him for several more moments before walking out of the room and toward their bedroom. “Now, this, Reid…” Jackson reached for the glass of water, holding it up and knowing that he was pretty much just talking to himself at this point, “This is for you to sober yourself up.” He set the glass back down on the floor by the sofa and exchanged it for the bowl now in his grip, an expression of grimace on his face as he spoke, “And this… Is for the contents of your stomach, should the amount of whisky you drank wish to make another appearance.” He shuddered, placing the bowl back on the floor before speaking with a slight chuckle, “Don’t get them mixed up in the middle of the night.” He shook his head, reaching for Reid’s hat and placing it on one of the arms of the sofa, “Or this, God forbid you grab your beloved hat instead.” He almost laughed out his words, standing up and looking down at Reid’s now fully unconscious, intoxicated body, rolling his eyes and reaching down to lightly pat his shoulder, “Sweet dreams, Princess.” He sniggered, still shaking his head as he made his way out of the room.


	6. Dress (Part one)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Drake keep control of his nerves when spending an evening with Rose? Especially when she insists on wearing the white dress he had bought for her as a gift...

It had been a long time since Sargent Drake had ever felt as nervous as he had today. He stared into his mirror after rubbing his towel against his freshly shaven face, only leaving the beard that was set upon his broadened jaw and the line connecting to his bottom lip and his moustache. 

“Take a deep breath, Ben.” He spoke to himself as he watched at his reflection for a few more moments. He cleared his throat and walked over to the chair in his bedroom of which he had laid out what he would describe as his ‘best suit’.  
Once fully dressed, he walked back to his mirror and combed his hair back, ensuring it was exactly as he wanted before reaching for his hat and placing it on his head. He took a final look at himself before making an internal promise that he would not let his self-consciousness get the better of him tonight. After all, tonight was the honour he had dreamed of ever since setting his eyes upon Miss. Rose. 

Inhaling the summer evening air, he carefully tucked Rose’s gift-wrapped dress under his arm and made his way toward Tenter Street, smiling politely to passers-by. Repeatedly trying to practice his lines in his head he felt his hands start to tremble just slightly in a mixture of excitement and nerves. He stepped toward the door and reached a hand out, pausing for a moment to try and compose himself before knocking on the door and holding the package behind his back with his free hand. He pulled his hand back and pulled the collar of his shirt out slightly with his index finger, swallowing hard as he felt the heat of his body raise with his anticipation. 

“Mr. Drake.” A young woman smiled at the kind face she was greeted with when she opened the door, “You can just come in, you know, you don’t have to knock.”

“I- I know... I just think it only polite, you know,” Drake returned the smile, licking his dry lips. 

“Most people know you here, Mr. Drake, do not think yourself a fright if you were to let yourself in.” She crinkled her nose. 

“Thank you, Miss, I will bare that in mind.” He nodded, “I- I’m here to see Miss. Erskine.” 

“Miss. Erskine? I’m sure she’ll be ready for you in her room, Mr. Drake.” The woman gestured for him to come inside. 

“Oh, no, forgive me, I have plans to take her out this evening. We’re to go to the theatre, as she requested.” Drake’s nervous smile returned to his face. 

“You’re taking Miss. Erskine to the theatre?” The woman widened her eyes slightly before crinkling her nose, playfully wafting her hand in the air, “Oh, Mr. Drake, you hopeless romantic! I have no doubt she will be very much looking forward to this. You may wait here; I shall go and tell her you’re here for her.” 

“Thank you, Miss.” Drake nodded politely, smiling as she turned to walk back into the building. Drake attempted once more to calm himself and looked down at his polished shoes for a few moments before immediately lifting his head again when he heard footsteps coming toward the open door again. He felt as if his breath was stolen from his own lungs when he set his eyes upon Rose making her way toward him. His lips parted but his words failed him, his hand behind his back now properly shaking against her gift. His heart always had a habit of skipping a beat when he was met with her presence. It scared him sometimes, knowing that she had such power over him and his emotions, without her hardly even knowing it herself. However, it only ever left him wanting to spend more time with her.

“Good evening, Mr. Drake.” Rose grinned shyly, standing on the doorstep. 

“G-Good evening, Miss. Rose.” He gazed up at her with an even wider smile, taking his hat off before stuttering out his words, “Th-That is if you don’t mind me calling you that, Miss. Erskin.” 

“Oh, Mr. Drake, you’re more than welcome to have my permission to call me ‘Rose’.” She shrugged, biting her lip with a grin.

“Well, then, Miss. Rose, I have something for you…” Drake smiled anxiously. 

“Mr. Drake… What is…” She began to speak before gasping when she watched Drake reveal the gift and hand it to her. 

“It’s the dress, Miss. Rose, the one you said you dreamed of going to the theatre in.” Drake felt his smile turning into a grin as he studied her reaction. 

“M-Mr. Drake! I can’t believe this!” She held it up in front of her, giggling excitedly at just the thought of wearing it. 

“Do you like it?” Drake gazed back up at her with hopeful eyes. 

“Of course I like it!” Rose exclaimed, nodding quickly, “I must go put it on now! For this evening!”

“Miss. Rose, you will look wonderful no matter what you wear this evening.” Drake crinkled his nose before quickly adding, “Or any evening,” He raised his eyebrows, “O-Or time of day!” He felt his cheeks turning red at his hopeless attempt of compliments. 

“Oh, Mr. Drake…” Rose pursed her lips, covering her blushing cheeks with the back of her hand, “You made such a kind gesture of bringing me this tonight, I would love nothing more than to wear it immediately! I will just go and get changed. If you don’t mind, that is.” She raised her eyebrows, looking down at him. 

“You may do whatever you’d like, Miss. Rose. You needn’t ask for my permission, I will still be here upon your return.” Drake smiled kindly, keeping a tight grip on his hat. Rose nodded and turned back to walk into the building before stopping herself and turning to face him again. 

“But... What if we’re late to the theatre because I’m changing my dress?” She pouted her lips, looking at Drake. 

“I couldn’t think of a better excuse,” Drake chuckled, gazing up at her, “You take your time, Miss. Rose.”

Drake held his hat in front of him as he waited patiently for Rose, still trying to calm himself down as his nerves threatened to make another appearance. Swallowing hard before parting his lips once more, his breath hitched in his throat when his gaze met with Rose in the doorway as she walked toward him again, this time in the white dress which he had gifted her. 

“I think I’m presentable to walk with a gentleman now, Mr. Drake.” Rose spoke shyly, stepping out of the door. 

“O-Oh, Miss. Rose… You’re much more than just presentable, let me assure you.” Drake shook his head in disbelief of how she looked before him. 

“It’s very kind of you to buy the dress for Rose, Sargent Drake,” Susan spoke from behind her, leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed across her chest, “It’s beautiful.”

“Both the dress and the lady that accompanies it, Miss. Hart.” Drake sighed softly, unable to take his eyes off Rose or the smile off his lips. 

“Me and Mr. Drake will be off now, Miss. Susan.” Rose smiled, looking back at her once stood at the side of Drake.

“Not to worry, Miss. Hart, I will make sure she returns safely and at a decent hour.” Drake looked up at Susan with a confident grin. 

“I have no doubt about that, Mr. Drake,” Susan nodded in agreement, “Have a lovely evening.”

“Thank you. I will see you when I return, Miss. Susan.” Rose turned back to Drake. 

“Yes, thank you, Miss. Hart, goodnight.” Drake placed his hat back on his head, tipping it at her before turning into the street with Rose. 

“It’s a wonderful evening for it, Sargent Drake,” Rose sighed softly, looking over at him as they walked, “The air is still warm.” 

“We certainly picked the right day, Miss. Rose,” Drake nodded with a grin, “And, please, call me ‘Bennet’, if you like.” 

“As you wish, Bennet.” Rose nodded and crinkled her nose. The two of them enjoyed comfortable silence as Drake dared himself to edge his bent elbow out just slightly, gasping quietly under his breath as Rose accepted his invitation, slipping her arm through the gap and linking their arms together. Drake smiled to himself as he continued to keep his gaze forward, afraid to show Rose the silly school-boy grin on his face. 

“You look beautiful, Miss. Rose.” He finally looked over at her again, stuttering, “I- If you don’t mind my saying.”

“I never mind your saying, Bennet,” Rose blushed, looking up at him, “Not from a gentleman such as yourself. Thank you.”

“You notice my efforts?” Drake blinked hard, unsure of whether to be embarrassed that it was that obvious. 

“It’s hard not to.” She shrugged with a smile, “It is not a fault, Bennet, it’s a good thing.” She spoke in a reassuring tone, lightly caressing her fingers against his arm. Drake swallowed hard from the touch and bit his dry lip before nodding with a smile. 

“In that case, I shall continue.” He raised his eyebrows, continuing to guide them toward the theatre.

“Must we purchase our tickets in the entrance tonight?” She asked, looking ahead again. 

“I already took care of that,” Drake turned to her again as he reached into his jacket pocket with his free hand, “I already bought them. My treat.” He smiled proudly, holding them in his hand.

“Oh, Bennet…” Rose widened her eyes with a smile, “It’s always your treat.” She pouted slightly. 

“You are a treat, Miss. Rose, a treat for me to… Treat to such an evening.” He let out a small chuckle, shaking his head, “Have I said it too many times?” Rose giggled at him as he spoke. 

“Who do you kid, hm? You have a way with words, Bennet.” She rolled her eyes playfully, shaking her head. Drake kept the smile on his lips as the two of them walked into the theatre entrance, showing his tickets for inspection to the man behind the desk. Drake lead them both into the venue’s seating plan, allowing for Rose to choose them a table before pulling a chair out for her, nodding as she smiled politely before sitting on the chair beside her and placing his hat on the table.

“See, we’ve made it in perfect timing.” Drake crinkled his nose, looking to the side of him as a waitress walked by, “May I get you a drink, Miss. Rose?”

“I will have a gin, if that is okay with you, Bennet… Just a small gin, please.” Rose spoke softly, resting her hands in her lap. 

“A small gin and a beer, please.” Drake looked up at the waitress, smiling kindly. 

“Of course, Sir.” She nodded, walking away to retrieve the drinks. 

“We’ve got the best seats in the house, Bennet.” Rose’s eyes widened as she looked around the fellow attenders of the show. 

“I think everyone would agree that the best seat in the house would belong to me.” Drake raised his eyebrows, reaching into his pocket for his money, placing it on the table. 

“And why’s that, Bennet?” Rose narrowed her eyebrows, looking along the other tables that were also positioned on the front row. 

“Well, because it’s next to you, of course, Miss. Rose.” Drake shrugged, biting the inside of his cheek as he looked over at her with a grin. 

“Bennet…” Rose mumbled quietly, glancing down into her lap as her cheeks flushed. 

“Your drinks, Sir.” The waitress announced, placing them down on the table. 

“Thank you.” Drake nodded, gesturing toward the money on the table as she smiled appreciatively. Rose parted her lips to speak until suddenly stopped by the starting of the show, turning her attention to the stage and immediately feeling her eyes light up in delight. 

Drake knew how much Rose loved the theatre; it wasn’t something she hid. He also loved nothing more than to see her smile and know that, even if just a little bit, he was the reason behind it. The fact she was so insistent on wearing the dress he had bought for her also made him happy; he knew she was going to look beautiful in it, but she genuinely took his breath away. It complimented her body perfectly, but Drake thought it only respectable to keep those thoughts to himself. Although he enjoyed the show, too, he was often watching Rose out of the corner of his eye. How her face would glow at the very sight of witnessing a live performance, her toes tapping on the floor from the music and her eyes darting back and forth as she watched all of the characters tell each of their stories. The joy and pure happiness on her face was enough to fill his heart for almost a lifetime. If only he had the bravery to say so.

“One day, Bennet, I hope I am the one on the stage and not in the audience.” Rose looked up at him as they made their way back to Tenter Street. 

“I have no doubt that could be possible.” Drake smiled. 

“Do you really think so?” Her eyes crinkled as she smiled back at him. 

“Of course!” Drake nodded, “However, I would still like my favourite seat, if that’s alright with you.” He crinkled his nose. 

“Oh, it will have your name sewn into it, Bennet!” Rose giggled. Drake looked over at her again and laughed, letting out a happy sigh. “Bennet…” Rose spoke after several seconds silence, watching the people they passed by. 

“Yes, Miss. Rose?” Drake asked in a happy tone, turning his head to her again. 

“Does it not bother you, a man with such class as yourself, in your line of work, taking a woman like me out to the theatre, knowing how it is I earn my keep?” She asked in an uneasy tone. 

“Why should it bother me?” Drake took a deep breath, shrugging, “It is not my business what you do, Miss. Rose.” 

“I- I just mean that…” Rose stuttered, gazing down at her feet as they reached the door. 

“There is no need to look down, girl.” Drake shook his head, meeting her gaze with a soft smile as she looked up at him again, “As I say, Miss. Rose, no business of mine. The only business of mine is that you enjoyed your evening.” 

“Bennet… You’re a very sweet man.” She smiled shyly.

“I intend to bring you happiness, just as you do to me.” He swallowed hard. 

“I mean it, Bennet, you’re the only man I’ve ever met who doesn’t just immediately start undressing me with their eyes.” Rose narrowed her eyebrows. 

“I have come to learn there are many sides to you, Miss. Rose,” Drake raised his eyebrows, “And it is of their fault if others wish to know only one… When I care for them all.” He bit the inside of his lip hard, trying to stop his cheeks from turning red from his sudden confession. 

“Y-You know how to flatter a girl, Mr. Drake.” She gazed up into his eyes, “I will forever wonder why a man like yourself chooses to spend their free time with me.

“Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot, Miss. Rose.” He shrugged, letting out a small chuckle. 

“You’re nothing of the sort, Bennet.” Rose frowned, shaking her head before widening her eyes a little, “An idiot, that is!” She blinked hard, pouting her lips. Drake looked down at her with an amused expression, “Thank you for this evening.”

“It was my pleasure, Miss. Rose, as always.” He sighed softly, reaching for her hand and waiting for her approval before bringing the back of it to his lips as she gave him a little nod. 

“Get home safe, Bennet.” Rose blushed, leaning up to brush her lips against his cheek. Drake inhaled shakily through his nose from the brief moment and closed his eyes to take it in, trying to compose himself as he opened them again. 

“I look forward to seeing you again, if you would give up another one of your evenings for my company.” Drake gazed up at her with a hopeful expression as she reached to open the door. 

“Of course, I shouldn’t see why a woman would not want to spend an evening with such a gentleman as yourself.” Rose nodded with a smile. 

“In that case, I hope to be seeing you soon.” He tipped his hat, smiling politely. 

“Until then, Bennet.” She stepped into the building, looking back at him, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Miss. Rose.” Drake nodded just once with a satisfied smile. He waited until the door was closed properly, ensuring he had gotten her home safe before placing his hat back on his head properly and beginning to make his own way back home.


	7. A Glass Half Full is Not Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After one of the lowest nights of Reid's life and being shockingly rescued by Jackson, can Reid come to terms with the constant battles inside his own mind?

Inspector Reid had, had better days, though the majority of his days he often thought the same. It was only the night before that Jackson had quite literally scooped him up off the cold pavement and helped him to rest his head. Waking up in the morning and adjusting to his surroundings, he didn’t know what turned his stomach more; the churning liquid in his gut or the sounds of Jackson’s grunts and groans coming from his and Susan’s room. His head pounded with each harsh slam he heard from what he could only imagine was their headboard hitting against the wall. He had gathered himself together the best he could and wrote a small note stating his name and ‘thank you’ on it, slipping it under their door, not wanting to make conversation with either of them out of pure embarrassment. Along with the brutal headache, his complexion was completely pasty-white. Stumbling his way back to the station, the little part of his mind that had managed to sober up completely worried about what people would think about him as they passed by. The man who was in charge of order and keeping evil off his streets was now a gormless, pale, exhausted shadow who was desperately trying to keep his grip on both Whitechapel and himself, unsure of which he was failing more. 

“Mr. Reid, Sir!” Drake beamed as he watched Reid practically stumble into the station. Reid looked up at him and shook his head, walking passed him and toward the dead room, “Mr. Reid?” Drake scowled, following him. 

“Good morning, Sargent Drake.” Reid almost panted out his words, leaning against one of the work tops. Drake squinted his eyes as he studied The Inspector closely, widening his eyes slightly as he was met with his weary, worn-out face. 

“Forgive me for the honesty, Inspector, but you don’t look too well.” He blinked hard, looking at him with concern. Reid brought the back of his hand to his damp forehead, wiping at the few beads that had gathered there in a result of his discomfort. “A-Are you alright, Sir?” Drake knitted his eyebrows together. Reid took a deep breath as his body hunched over slightly, covering his mouth with his fist as he retched a couple of times, allowing his eyes to close for a few moments as they started to water from trying to stop himself from bringing anything up. Drake turned away slightly and cringed, unsure of what to do. “E-Edmund, do you want me to-…”

“I- I’m fine, I’m fine…” Reid exhaled loudly, swallowing hard as he tried to relax back into his usual posture. 

“Hobbs, could you get The Inspector some water, please?” Drake aimed his voice toward the open door before turning back to Reid. 

“Bennet, there’s really no need…” Reid shook his head weakly. 

“You look like you’re knocking on your grave, Edmund.” Drake squinted his eyes. 

“I- I… I just don’t feel too good this morning.” Reid tried to shrug casually. 

“Ed, I know you’re hungover.” Drake rolled his eyes playfully.

“I- I don’t know what you mea-…” Reid brought his tightly clenched fish back to his mouth as he attempted to sound like every word didn’t make him feel like he was going to vomit.

“Your water, Inspector.” Hobbs walked into the room, holding out the glass with a polite smile.

“Thank you, Constable.” Reid nodded, taking the glass into his shaky grip and waiting until he had left the room before hesitantly bringing the glass to his lips and taking a small sip. He pressed his lips together harshly as he tried to fight off the urge to gag as the liquid hit his stomach, quivering slightly. 

“Edmund, seriously.” Drake shook his head, walking to the door and shutting it before turning to face him again, “We both know you would never intend on drinking yourself into a state where you look this gravely ill the next morning. What happened?” He raised his eyebrows, genuine concern in his eyes. 

“I…” Reid let out a defeated sigh and closed his eyes for a brief moment, tightening his grip on the glass, “I took one of the bottles of Jackson’s whisky.” He glanced down at his feet, embarrassed he had let himself go in the direction he did last night.

“For what reason, Sir?” Drake looked at him with a slightly confused expression. 

“For the reason, Sargent Drake… That, through only fault of my own, I threw away any possible chance of comfort last night.” His tone was almost a whisper this time, shaking his head on reflection of his own actions. 

“But… You’re not to find it at the bottom of a whisky bottle, Sir.” Drake dared himself to speak up. 

“Does one not see that I find that fact rather evident considering the apparent deathly look on my face?” Reid glared, lifting the glass to his lips again. 

“F-Forgive me, Mr. Reid…” Drake narrowed his eyebrows, slightly shocked from actually asking him such a question and his response. 

“No, Bennet…” Reid sighed loudly and shook his head, “I’m sorry. I need to learn to accept offers of support when they’re given to me.” He swallowed hard, looking over at Drake. 

“And not to punish yourself as such when you do not.” Drake arched a brow, sensing The Inspector’s despair. 

“How was your evening with Miss. Rose?” Reid attempted to change conversation. 

“Edmund,” Drake gave him a stern look, “I do still mean what I meant yesterday.”

“Pardon?” Reid looked at him inquisitively. 

“I will listen, Sir. Without judgement.” Drake’s tone was serious yet soft. 

“And, as I also said, I do not wish to bring your life down with the darkness of mine.” Reid avoided eye contact. 

“Mr. Reid…” Drake frowned. 

“I turned yourself away at the offer yesterday, I became incredibly rude to Miss. Goren, every horrible decision I made that day could not have ended in any other way than it did; me punishing myself and rightly so. I only wish it hadn’t have ended with The Captain scooping up my pathetic body off the pavement.” Reid grumbled, taking another drink from the glass. 

“You… Miss. Goren… Jackson… Did what?” Drake blinked hard, trying to keep up with Reid’s not very in-depth recollection of last night.

“I regret to admit… It was Jackson who rescued by intoxicated body from the streets.” Reid sighed out his words. 

“Your American rescued /you/?” Drake widened his eyes. 

“He did… I awoke in Jackson and Miss. Hart’s home this morning.” Reid admitted, swallowing hard as he tried to put the pieces back together in his mind. 

“And then what happened, Sir?” Drake asked, unsure of if he had taken his interrogation with The Inspector a bit too far. 

“If I knew, Bennet, I would tell you. However, as you could expect, I don’t quite have the most spectacular recollection of last night’s events post bottle of whisky.” Reid’s voice remained the same, flat tone.

“I see…” Drake nodded, looking up at him. 

“One can only assume that he scooped me up off the pavement and took me back to Tenter Street.” Reid scratched his fingers against his forehead. 

“I bet that left many questions on people’s lips, seeing The Inspector leave such a place so early in the morning.” Drake attempted to joke in order to lighten the mood. 

“Yes… I don’t believe I even thanked them for their hospitality.” Reid squinted his eyes. 

“I shouldn’t think any place where Jackson considers ‘home’ is worth thanking for the hospitality, Sir.” Drake chuckled, only half joking. 

“If it weren’t for him, I can almost guarantee I would be in an even worse state this morning.” Reid shook his head, “And, as much as it pains me to do so, I believe I do owe him a ‘thank you’.” 

“If that is what you see best fit, go ahead.” Drake shrugged. Reid stayed silent, deep in thought as he studied the floor blankly. “What about Miss. Goren, Sir?” He broke the silence. 

“I’m not sure she would hear out my apology, should I give her one.” Reid’s tone sounded even more defeated this time. 

“And do you think she deserves one?” Drake arched a brow, not having the slightest idea what confrontation had gone on between the two. 

“Indeed.” Reid spoke quietly with a simple nod, “Though, I fear that Jackson may ask why or how I got myself in such a state.”

“Both you and I know he is bound to ask such a thing; he will hold that kind gesture against you. Until you repay him the favour one day, you know what he’s like.” Drake shook his head, rolling his eyes playfully. 

“Yes, well, things didn’t end too well the last time he asked me about Miss. Goren,” Reid narrowed his eyes, sighing, “The gentlema-… Well, /man/, knows exactly how to touch a nerve.”

“Whatever you do, Sir, turn away when he tries to lecture you on women, because you know he will – especially if you mention Miss. Goren,” Drake raised his eyebrows, “I dread to think what god-awful advice he would give. Jackson could talk an old sock into bed.” He tried not to laugh from his own comment, cringing slightly at the same time. 

“I’d rather not think about Jackson and his socks in bed.” Reid grimaced, falling into silence for a few moments as he studied the floor once more in thought, “He should know better than to speak of her in my presence, especially with what he now knows about the current situation between us.”

“You say Miss. Goren is one of the only people who you feel at ease with, Edmund.” Drake took an uneasy breath, daring himself to ask a risky question yet again, “Is… Whatever your relationship is with her… Worth throwing away when you could just apologise?”

“It would not surprise me if she was sick and tired of my useless ‘apologies’…” Reid bit the inside of his cheek. 

“One more can’t hurt, Ed.” Drake half smiled, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“Yes, but…” Reid took a deep breath, blinking hard. 

“It is not a secret that she cares for you, that you care for one another. Regardless of what goes on behind closed doors is nothing to do with me, but for the sake of the connection between her and yourself, I mean.” Drake looked directly at him. 

“Bennet, you know that I am married, and, yet… You do not judge me seeking the comfort in another woman that I do not get from my wife.” Reid brought his gaze to meet Drake’s, “Why?”

“What happens in your personal life is no business of my own, Edmund. But to know that you have someone who you can go to when you do feel this way, someone to lift you up and keep your head above water instead of leaving you to drown, what man would not want that for their friend?” Drake’s smile now grew into a full one, keeping his hand on Reid’s shoulder. 

“Bennet, you are a good friend.” Reid attempted to smile, “You remain remarkably calm when put in a situation with me and my gloomy mind. Please know your kind words never go unappreciated.”

“Thank you, Ed.” Drake pursed his lips from the rare event of receiving a compliment from The Inspector, “I should hope that everyone gets to experience full ease and comfort with someone in their life.” He shrugged, looking off into the distance for just a moment while thinking back to his evening with Rose the day before as the smile remained on his lips. 

“I shall go and speak with Miss. Goren this evening. It will give me to time to build up both the courage and the right words to say. First, I shall stop by Jackson and Miss. Hart’s.” Reid cleared his throat, placing the now empty glass down on the work bench.

“I wish you luck, Inspector.” Drake nodded. Reid nodded back just once in response and walked toward the door, placing his hand on the door handle before turning to Drake again. 

“What if… She doesn’t wish to speak with me?” Reid asked, concern now written all over his face.

“Has she ever turned you away before?” Drake placed his hands on his hips. 

“No, but I believe I may have crossed a line this time.” Reid shook his head, internally cursing himself. 

“Then, ensure it is the /last/ time you leave her feeling this way.” Drake shrugged. 

“I wouldn’t want to forgive me.” He spoke quietly, widening his eyes slightly as he caught a glimpse of his own reflection in the window of the door. 

“Do you really think she will turn you away, Edmund?” Drake sighed sadly, keeping his eyes on him.

“Half of me thinks she will tell me I’ve stepped too out of line this time. Though, half of me thinks she will still speak with me, regardless, even if I am wholeheartedly unworthy of her time.” Reid swallowed hard, narrowing his eyebrows. 

“A glass half full is not empty, Ed.” Drake crossed his arms across his chest, shrugging with a kind smile.

“You’re right, Bennet. Thank you.” Reid exhaled deeply, offering a smile back to him before opening the door and stepping out of it.

As much as he knew it was the right thing to do, Reid thought back to a time when he would consider thanking Jackson the last thing on his mind. He was painfully embarrassed toward himself for the events from last night and constantly questioned why he let himself fall so low. Sometimes, a lot of the time, things would get on top of him and his only natural response was to push everyone who offered a helping hand away, not wanting to ruin their day with his own. He knew when he’d gone too far, however, admitting to it was a whole other ordeal for him. 

Hesitantly, he pushed the door open and removed his hat, holding it in front of him. 

“Mr. Reid,” Susan arched a brow as he was met with her in the entrance, “You’re looking in a bit of a better state this morning.”

“Miss. Hart,” Reid nodded politely, “Y-Yes, thank you.”

“Oh, only a bit, Inspector,” She blinked hard as he stepped into the light, making his grey complexion more visible. 

“I’m sorry?” Reid scowled slightly. 

“It would seem that last night’s events weren’t particularly kind on you.” She gazed up into his eyes. 

“That is what I have come here to talk to Jackson about.” Reid swallowed hard, “Is he here?”

“He is.” Susan squinted her eyes. 

“And would you be so helpful as to direct me to him?” Reid raised his eyebrows. 

“First room on the left at the top of the stairs,” Susan sighed, “Sorting out some paperwork affairs with Miss. Rose”

“I see.” Reid tilted his head slightly, “Thank you, Miss. Hart.” He cleared his throat before walking toward the stairs and up them, trying to think of what he was going to say to Jackson. He paused once he reached the door Susan had instructed him to go to and clenched his hand into a weak fist before knocking once on the door and opening it shortly after, “Jackson?” He called, his gaze immediately landing on Jackson and Rose as they sat at a small desk and bench with their backs to him. 

“Reid?” Jackson turned his head in confusion, looking Reid up and down as he narrowed his eyebrows. 

“May I speak with you?” Reid asked calmly. 

“Right now? Me and Rose were just going through some paperwork stuff…” Jackson stuttered, shifting one of his hands under the table and parting his lips as he let out a quiet, shaky breath. 

“Good morning, Inspector.” Rose smiled politely as she also turned her head to face him, holding up several pieces of paper in one of her hands. 

“Good morning, Miss. Rose,” Reid nodded, turning his attention back to Jackson and slowly starting to scowl as he watched him bite his lip uneasily, bringing his hand back up from under the table, “Jackson?” 

“J-Just give us a few more minutes to finish this off…” Jackson inhaled sharply, looking back at the table again. 

“Finish…?” Reid continued to scowl. 

“The paperwork!” Rose smiled innocently, blinking. 

“Right… I shall be just outside.” Reid squinted his eyes in suspicion and studied them for a few more moments before stepping out of the room again and closing the door. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I can’t believe you, Jackson…” Rose shook her head, widening her eyes. 

“What? Me?!” Jackson laughed out his words, unable to help himself from allowing his eyes trail down between his legs as Rose’s hand continued to pump up and down just inside the crotch of his pants. 

“Not wanting me to stop… Right in front of The Inspector!” She kept her eyes wide, trying to fight off a grin.

“Sorry, Miss. ‘Paperwork’.” Jackson teased, leaning back slightly and spreading his legs a little more to allow for faster motions from Rose. 

“What else did you expect me to say?! ‘Sorry, Inspector Reid, Jackson is a little wrapped up right now.’, hm?” Rose giggled, “Excuse me for thinking paperwork was the easier option!”

“This is my favourite type of paperwork.” Jackson winked, letting out a small chuckle as he leaned toward Rose, lightly kissing up one side of her neck and toward her jaw, lightly suckling at the skin before parting his lips with a soft moan as he felt her tighten her grip.

“What a way with words, Captain…” Rose crinkled her nose, trying to stop her eyes from closing as his lips brushed against her skin once more. 

“I do try,” Jackson shrugged casually, “Now that I’ve got Drake to compete with.” He smirked, pulling back to gaze into her eyes. 

“You and Bennet are nothing of the same.” She shook her head, trying not to laugh.

“Oh, so I see you’re already on first name basis.” He pulled a face before looking into her eyes once more and narrowing his playfully, “Not the same? What’s that supposed to mean, that the older gentleman doesn’t have the same stamina as me?” He smirked, slowly licking his lips. 

“Jackson!” Rose scoffed, gasping as she laughed, “Don’t be cruel to him, Mr. Drake is a true gent.” 

“A gent, huh?” Jackson raised his eyebrows, unconvinced. Rose sighed playfully and watched in amusement as Jackson’s cheeks flushed from the sudden quickened pace of her hand, biting her lip as he tipped his head forward slightly, his groans growing louder as his breath caught in his throat. He reached a shaky hand under the table again and clumsily tried to pull the crotch of his pants open slightly more again, only to try and encourage her to continue with less restriction. 

“D-Does Drake pay?” Jackson asked after trying to control his breathing, lifting his heavy gaze back to hers.

“That is confidential, Captain.” Rose shrugged, gazing up into his eyes. “Not that you ever do…” She mumbled under her breath.

“I have a-…” He attempted to speak before she cut him off. 

“If you try and say that one more time!” Rose rolled her eyes, tightening her fist around him even more and making him squirm slightly against the seat. 

“What?! I do!” Jackson protested, trying not to laugh. 

“You do what? Have a tab, Captain? Well, if your Susan asks what paperwork we were doing up here, perhaps I will tell her it was that.” Rose smiled sarcastically. 

“I do!” He frowned, swallowing hard as his gaze fell back to her hand once more. 

“Well, Mr. Drake just so happens to have a heart of gold.” Rose shrugged, “And he wouldn’t dream of such a situation as you and I.”

“Oh, I can assure you, he probably does, Rose.” Jackson chuckled, shaking his head as he followed the pace of her hand with his eyes, exhaling shakily. 

“Mr. Drake is a wonderful gentleman and I will not have him spoken about otherwise.” Rose narrowed her eyebrows. 

“Alright, alright, darlin’. Can we stop talking about him now?” Jackson looked back up at her with a disapproving expression, “You’re putting me off.” 

“You brought him up!” Rose scoffed. 

“I don’t think there are many men who you haven’t brought /up/.” Jackson wiggled his eyebrows, his face now falling into a more playful expression. 

“Captain…” Rose shook her head, trying not to laugh and continuing the fast, consistent pace as Jackson’s breathing became quicker, “You know, Jackson, I often wonder… What’s bigger, /this/…” She gave his length a tight squeeze and slightly harder jerk, watching with a smug grin as his mouth fell open again, “Or your ego.”

“A-Ah!” Jackson inhaled sharply through clenched teeth from her sudden movement before scowling slightly when he realised what she had said. Rose smirked to herself and watched intently as Jackson’s facial expressions changed with each gentle twist of her wrist. She had known him in this situation enough times now to know what almost each twitch of his body was telling her. “R-Rose, you’re going to make me ruin my trousers, or worse, stain Susan’s carpet if you’re not careful.” He mumbled uneasily, reaching one of his shaky hands out and lightly caressing it along her thigh. 

“I’m afraid there’s not much I can do about that, Captain.” She whispered lowly, gasping under her breath as she felt his fingertips inch under the hem of her dress just slightly. 

“I- I think there is…” He forced his heavy eyes open to look at her again, lightly pressing his fingertips into her skin. 

“What’s that, Captain?” Rose raised her eyebrows, glancing down at his fingers before back up at him. 

“Catch it in your mouth, darlin’.” He spoke in almost a whisper and raised his eyebrows, shrugging slightly as a smirk began to make its way back onto his lips. 

“Now, that… Would save us a whole lot of explaining, would it not?” Rose squinted her eyes at him in a playful manner. 

“My thoughts exactly, darlin’.” Jackson nodded, gazing down at her lips as he absentmindedly licked his own.

“Are you ready for my mouth, Captain?” Rose bit her lip seductively as their eyes caught one another again.

“I’m yet to meet a man who isn’t, Rose.” Jackson responded with the smirk remaining on his lips. Rose stayed silent and pursed her lips at him before pulling her hand away, trying not to smirk as she sensed Jackson’s frustration of her sudden move and making her way under the table, crouching in front of him and between his legs as she gazed upon his furiously throbbing length, almost being able to feel the heat radiating off it from where she was positioned. He kept his lips parted as he watched her take him between her finger and thumb, pointing toward her mouth and allowing a low moan to sound from the back of his throat the moment she felt her lips around him. Rose allowed her eyes to fall shut as she began to glide her head back and forth, whimpering quietly as she heard his grunts getting louder and louder with each movement. 

“Hush, Captain… You do know The Inspector is just outside.” She whispered as she pulled her head back, lightly lapping her tongue against the tip as she gazed up at him with a sweet smile. 

“O-Oh, Rose… I- I don’t give a damn if the Queen is outside, there’s nothing that could stop me from vocalising the way your lips work.” Jackson practically moaned out his words, reaching one of his hands down to shakily brush through her hair. Rose licked her lips suggestively before parting them again and eagerly taking him back into her mouth. Jackson welcomed the familiar feeling with a low groan as he fought to keep his eyes open, his entire body now trembling from being so close to the edge. 

“Captain Jackson, if you would please spare me just five minutes of your time!” Reid raised his voice as he pushed the door open again, immediately visibly confused from the disappearance of Rose since he last was there. Jackson’s back remained turned to him for slightly longer this time before turning his red face to him after a few long moments, keeping one of his hands tangled in her hair, completely out of Reid’s view and all but Jackson’s face making Reid completely oblivious. 

“R-Reid…” He swallowed hard, barely even able to look at him straight. 

“I do wish to speak with you, and I do not have all day!” Reid tried to ignore the strange scene he had stumbled upon, attempting to work it out in his head. 

“M-M’hm…” Jackson nodded uneasily, tightly pressing his lips together as Rose relentlessly bobbed her head over him. 

“Am I able to speak to you now?” Reid scowled at him, watching him fight to keep his eyes open. 

“Y-Yeah… Yeah…” Jackson swallowed hard, nodding weakly, “M’hm…” 

“Well?!” Reid’s tone grew in frustration, watching suspiciously as Jackson’s face gradually became more and more flushed. 

“R-Rei…” Jackson’s words were barely audible as his head dropped forward slightly, “That’s it, darlin’…” He tensed his body slightly as his fingers shook in her hair, swallowing hard as he felt his thighs starting to tremble against the bench, “Y-Yes…”

“Jackson, I will only ask politely /one/ more time!” Reid widened his eyes, glaring at him. Jackson’s head turned as his attention was brought back to Rose, unable to stop watching with his heavy eyes as he visibly twitched a few times, making Reid take a slight step back with a puzzled expression. 

“O-One minute, Reid… J-Just give me…” His voice was growing higher and higher as he was practically forcing his words out, his fingertips turning bright white as he desperately clung onto the table with his free hand. 

“One minute?” Reid scowled, shaking his head before repeating louder, “One minute?! I don’t have ‘one minute’! I insist you speak with me this instant!” 

“One minute, Reid! Please!” Jackson practically panted out his words, turning back to him with his eyes closed and eyebrows narrowed, his lips parted. Reid groaned in frustration and stepped out of the room yet again, slamming the door behind him and folding his arms across his chest as he stood outside it. He squinted his eyes as he heard several sounds coming from inside the room, trying to ignore what he suspected it was. He blinked hard as the noises slowly died down to heavy breathing and then a bang followed by some laughter. Laughter from two people. Reid rolled his eyes and stopped himself from opening the door again, immediately raising his eyebrows as he heard Jackson’s voice again, this time in a softer, happier tone, “Alright, Inspector Intruder…”

“You’re lucky I didn’t just walk away the first time.” Reid spoke in a flat tone as he opened the door again, looking visibly confused as he spotted Rose in the room again. 

“So lucky.” Jackson smiled sarcastically as he exhaled smoke from the cigarette that was held between his fingers. Reid stayed silent as he exchanged glances between Jackson and Rose, narrowing his eyes. 

“Are you just going to stand there, Reid, or are you going to say what you came here for?” Jackson glanced up at him.

“Rose… Wasn’t here before…” Reid scowled, looking back at Jackson. 

“What are you on about, Reid? She’s been here the whole time, you said ‘hello’ to her!” Jackson tried not to laugh. 

“No, I mean the second time…” Reid looked back at Rose. 

“Oh, you mean the second time you interrupted us?” Jackson rolled his eyes, placing the cigarette back between his lips. 

“And then there was a bang?” Reid tilted his head, looking at them both inquisitively. 

“Oh, there was more than just a bang, Reid…” Jackson mumbled under his breath, flashing Rose a smirk, “That was Rose… She banged her head under the table.” He rubbed his thumb against his chin, gazing up at Reid again. 

“Why was Miss. Rose under the table?” Reid asked, not even giving Jackson time to respond before speaking again, “I would like a private word, if you are able to spare your precious time, Captain.” Reid’s glare returned to his face. 

“Of course, dear Inspector. It’s the least I could do for you since I only picked you up off the pavement last night.” Jackson smiled with squinted eyes. 

“I- I should leave you two be…” Rose stuttered, walking back over to the table that Jackson was still sat at. 

“How’s your head, darlin’?” Jackson raised his eyebrows, looking up at Rose with an innocent smile. 

“I’ve yet to hear you complain, Captain.” Rose whispered suggestively into his ear as she leant forward to take the pieces of paper from the table, winking at him before nodding and smiling politely at Reid. 

“Thank you, Miss. Rose.” Reid smiled faintly at her before she left the room, closing the door behind her. 

“Alone at last, Reid.” Jackson spoke in a playful tone, glancing up at him as he stood with his hat held in front of him

“Yes, well, this is what I requested about half an hour ago.” Reid responded with a disapproving expression. 

“Don’t be so dramatic, Reid. What could possibly be so important that you need to tell me so immediately?” Jackson placed the cigarette back between his lips. 

“I have come to… Thank you for your help and… House last night,” He spoke in a shy, quiet tone, seeing no reaction from Jackson before speaking again, “I worry that, should you have made me wait any longer, I would have changed my mind about thanking you.”

“Well, thank god the moment didn’t pass.” Jackson raised his eyebrows, dabbing his ash in the ashtray on the desk, “God knows what I would’ve done then. Countless, sleepless nights without a ‘thank you’ from The Inspector.” He spoke in a sarcastic tone. 

“Captain, if you have no interest in engaging in a mature conversation with me, I shall go about my day.” Reid scowled, reaching for the door. 

“Oh, come on!” Jackson laughed out his words, “I’m only teasing. You’re welcome. You were the last person who I expected to see on the floor down an alley at that time of day – or any time of day.”

“Yes, well, yesterday wasn’t particularly in my favour,” Reid cleared his throat, “However, there is no one but me to blame.”

“What were you doing down there at that hour?” Jackson arched a brow, taking another drag from his cigarette. 

“I could ask the same to you, Captain.” Reid mirrored the raised eyebrow at him. Jackson stayed silent for a few moments, slowly exhaling the smoke. 

“The pleasures of the flesh, Reid.” He shrugged while still blowing out the smoke. 

“I thought as such,” Reid rolled his eyes, “Though, you do make it sound like you decapitate them.”

“I’m sure that’s how they feel after it.” Jackson smirked smugly, wafting his cigarette in the air. 

“Ugh…” Reid shook his head, “One day, Sargent Drake or I will teach you how to speak pleasantly to women.”

“/You/ will teach /me/ how to speak to women?!” Jackson cackled loudly, shaking his head in disbelief, “Now, that, Reid, has to be your best one-liner yet!”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Reid scowled, tightening his grip on his hat. 

“Well… I mean…” Jackson snorted before shaking his head, “Forget it.”

“I am well aware that, had you not found me, I believe I would have woken up in a worse state than I did.” Reid admitted, looking down at Jackson as he remained quiet, yet still smug, “And, yes, I am also aware that I don’t look particularly… Well this morning.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything.” Jackson forced himself not to laugh, glancing up at Reid’s grey face. 

“Time can change a man, then.” Reid squinted his eyes. 

“I don’t want to go poking about your business, but… I have to say, Reid, it’s not like you to drink yourself into such a state.” Jackson raised his eyebrows.

“So people keep saying.” Reid muttered under his breath. 

“You were so out of it, I basically had to drag you home.” Jackson placed the cigarette between his lips. 

“Yet, you brought me back here?” Reid asked.

“You told me to!” Jackson looked up at him again, “Well, in a matter of words.”

“Forgive me, I have close to no recollection.” Reid sighed, “Was I… Unpleasant to you?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary.” Jackson shrugged. 

“Strangely, you seem to be the only person who I wasn’t abruptly rude to yesterday.” Reid looked around with a confused expression. 

“And dare I ask who you managed to irritate, Inspector?” Jackson questioned, half joking. 

“Mr. Drake and Miss. Goren. Both of whom attempted to reach out to me.” Reid spoke quietly, looking down at his feet. 

“Oh, no, not your right-hand man and your fancy woman!” Jackson widened his eyes playfully. Reid stayed silent with his gaze fixed on the floor. “Was it really that bad, Reid?”

“I think I may have upset Miss. Goren rather a lot.” Reid frowned. 

“What makes you think that?” Jackson tilted his head, exhaling more smoke. 

“I think her slam of the door and rush to escape any vicinity of which I was in made it pretty clear.” Reid’s gaze shifted back to the floor. 

“Christ, Reid…” Jackson blinked hard, “I know you’re a man of few words, but that is impressive, even for you.”

“It is times such as those that make me realise why I should be a man of few words; I can’t string a sentence together without someone ending up upset.” Reid’s tone was flat and exhausted. 

“Reid, Reid, stop.” Jackson shook his head, waving his hand in the air, “I am not here to hear you feel sorry for yourself. I have more paperwork to attend to.”

“Right, Captain.” Reid swallowed hard, straightening his back and staying quiet for a few moments. “Thank you for bringing me here last night and allowing me to stay. It was by far one of my lowest points and it was rude of me to leave so swiftly this morning without as much of an exchange of words.”

“Any time. Even I couldn’t just walk by you in that state.” Jackson chuckled. 

“Yes, well, I hope that the next time I speak to her, it ends up in better circumstances.” Reid nodded. 

“Are you going to speak with her?” Jackson arched a brow. 

“I- I can but try.” Reid squinted his eyes. 

“You’re doing your rounds of apologies, I see.” Jackson teased. 

“In the situation regarding me and Miss. Goren, it is the least I can do to make up for my behaviour.” Reid narrowed his eyebrows. 

“And do you know what you’re going to say to her?” Jackson tried not to laugh. 

“I… Have several things I would like to say to her.” Reid inhaled sharply, “How sorry I am and to let her know that she is more than welcome to turn me away at any time I am upon her doorstep.”

“Oh, Reid… You’re so humble, its embarrassing.” Jackson shook his head with a small laugh. Reid remained quiet, squinting his eyes, “Well, best of luck.” Jackson smiled. 

“Captain, I cannot help but sense sarcasm in that.” Reid tilted his head. 

“Well, you’re not exactly gifted at wording things, are you, Reid?” Jackson raised his eyebrows, gazing up at him. Reid squinted his eyes and exhaled slowly, not even flinching from the insult. 

“As I said, Captain, I can but try.” He spoke lowly, lifting his gaze to Jackson again. 

“I hope it works out how you want it to.” Jackson nodded. Reid nodded in return and turned to the door, reaching for the handle before turning back. It took everything in him to practically force these words out of his mouth, “Jackson… What would you say?” He asked in an almost shy tone, feeling all of his pride now leaving his body from turning to Jackson, of all people, for advice. 

“To make things up with Miss. Goren?” Jackson raised his eyebrows, looking up at him in shock. 

“Yes.” Reid spoke quietly. 

“Well, pardon the pun, Reid, but have you tried coming from a different angle?” He bit his lip immediately after speaking to try and prevent a grin spreading across his face. 

“I knew this was a terrible idea…” Reid rolled his eyes and turned back to the door. 

“No, Reid, seriously, I will try and help you.” Jackson laughed, standing up from his seat. Reid turned back to Jackson as he stood and widened his eyes slightly at the sight of his crotch still hanging open. 

“Paperwork, Captain?” Reid shot him an authoritative look. 

“Huh?” Jackson attempted to play dumb before glancing down at his pants and fumbling to fasten them back up as Reid gestured toward them, looking away. 

“When Miss. Hart told me that you were sorting through ‘affairs’ with Miss. Rose, I now realise it was foolish of me not to realise that you were more focused on /your/ ‘affair’ with Rose.” Reid rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, don’t act so surprised.” Jackson scowled. 

“I assure you, Captain, I am not.” Reid gave him a disapproving look. 

“So, let me get this straight, Reid…You said something mean to your mistress and now you’re afraid that you’ll no longer be able to have your way with her?” Jackson raised a brow, desperately still trying to hide his smug expression.

“Jackson…” Reid almost growled in frustration, clenching his fist as his gaze was met with Jackson’s amused expression.

“You and she are close, am I right?” He asked, now lighting another cigarette. 

“I suppose in a way we are, yes.” Reid nodded. 

“In what way?” Jackson settled the cigarette between his lips. 

“In a way that I could not see myself feeling comfortable enough to share the things I have shared with her to anyone else.” Reid took a deep breath.

“So… Maybe start with calling her by her name.” Jackson shrugged, breathing out the smoke. 

“Miss. Goren?” Reid asked, confused. 

“No, her name, Reid,” Jackson shook his head, “She is your mis-… I mean, friend. Not colleague.”

“But that would be most impolite of me.” Reid pursed his lips.

“No, it would make the conversation begin more personal – as if you’re going to speak to her because you want to and not because it’s part of an investigation.” Jackson shrugged. 

“I understand. If she is comfortable with that.” Reid blinked hard, squinting his eyes in thought.

“You sure seem to think highly of this woman, Reid.” Jackson sniggered. 

“I do.” Reid replied simply.

“Who knew a married man like you would-…” Jackson attempted to say before being broken off by The Inspector. 

“I have not come here to speak about my personal life.” He spoke bluntly. 

“I’m sorry?” Jackson scowled in confusion, “Then, what exactly do you class talking about the woman you’re sleeping with behind your wife’s back?!” 

“Given the situation I so obliviously walked in on earlier, I could also put that same question to you, Captain!” Reid glared. 

“I am fairly certain both you and Susan know of the ‘situation’ between me and Rose.” Jackson spoke against his cigarette now resting between his lips, “Your situation with Miss. Goren, however… Now, that, still remains a secret between me, you, Drake and herself.” 

“And that is how it will remain until the day E-Emily will let me… Speak to her.” Reid inhaled deeply. 

“Oh, come on, Reid!” Jackson exclaimed, shaking his head, “It is so blatantly obvious how much you care for Miss. Goren. She allows you to bring out your emotions, she has broken The Inspector!” 

“Pardon?” Reid scowled, watching as Jackson placed his head in his hand, “What do you mean?”

“You went to her for comfort, correct?” Jackson sighed deeply, waiting for The Inspector’s nod before continuing, “You spoke, she listened. You longed to feel something again, she allowed you to feel that. One thing leads to another, Reid, and before you know it… You find yourself daydreaming about where her lips have been.”

“I…” Reid blinked hard, parting his lips. Jackson had just said exactly what had been happening inside his head. However, there was no way he was about to admit it.

“You like her, god damn it!” Jackson raised his voice, lightly tapping his fist on the table.

“Unlike you, Captain, I care for more than just if our hips will meet in the night.” Reid narrowed his eyes. 

“Why segregate it down to just the night, Reid?” Jackson raised his eyebrows, placing the cigarette between his lips again. 

“I care for more than just if our hips will meet.” Reid glared. 

“Ah, but you do care for it.” Jackson smirked, keeping his eyebrows raised. 

“Jackson, you are really starting to test my patience.” Reid exhaled loudly. 

“Why, hm? For speaking the truth?” Jackson blew out the smoke, “For making you hear what it is that you feel?”

“Forgive me, Captain.” Reid sighed, turning his body back toward the door. 

“Where are you going, Reid?” Jackson stayed still, watching him closely, “Running away from your own mind again?” 

“I did it last night, I’ll do it again today.” Reid’s tone was defeated. 

“What, you’re going to run back to the bottle?” Jackson scowled, “And, my bottle, at that!”

“What does it matter?” Reid looked back at him. 

“So, that’s it, Reid? Just pouring yourself a glass?” Jackson move closer to him. 

“Judging by the way things are going, it won’t be the last.” Reid muttered under his breath. 

“No, Reid!” Jackson practically shouted, reaching for the shoulder of his blazer and pulling him away from the door as Reid looked down at him in shock, “What good do you think that a bottle of whisky is going to do, huh? Just some medicine for now?” He stared into his eyes, a rare, serious expression on his face. The Inspector remained silent. “I would’ve thought you realised it isn’t the best option, considering the events of last night.” He sighed, trying to catch Reid’s gaze, “You’re better than this.”

“It hasn’t happened to prevent you from doing such before now.” Reid looked up at him. 

“I said /you’re/better than this, Reid.” Jackson shook his head. 

“Wh-What is it… W-Why is it that we turn to drink, Jackson?” Reid kept his eyes on Jackson’s with a helpless expression. 

“Because, Reid, it’s the easy option. You’re faced with a situation such as yourself and Mrs. Reid or yourself and Miss. Goren, it’s much easier to reach for the bottle than to dare yourself to admit exactly what’s on your mind. Sure, you know that it’s going to make you feel like shit, but you have one certainty, or comfort, almost, from choosing the drink; it’s the bottle, not your heart, that you’ve been pouring.” Jackson took a deep breath, keeping his hand on The Inspector’s shoulder as he fell silent, swallowing hard as his gaze shifted to the floor, “What’s worse, waking up with a headache, or waking up knowing that every single one of your emotions have been laid on the table for everyone to see?” Jackson gently patted his shoulder, staying quiet for a few moments before speaking again, “And, then, you wake up and chase it down with a good old shot of truth.”

“And you say I’m better than this?” Reid narrowed his eyebrows, hardly convinced. 

“Everyone is better than this, Reid.” Jackson shrugged, “All it takes is for someone to realise your worth. Starting with yourself.” He pointed toward him, raising his eyebrows. 

“What are you trying to say, Jackson?” Reid blinked hard. 

“Miss. Goren is quite clearly your reason for being better than this. She willingly shows that she cares for you, and I think it’s about time you gave her something in return. From here.” He gently prodded his chest, Reid watching his finger, “Go talk to her.”

“One can only desperately hope that she allows me to do so.” Reid nodded, looking back into Jackson’s eyes.

“Trust me, Reid, I can almost guarantee that, that is what she longs for,” Jackson replied, bringing his arms back by his sides, “It’s no fun when you’re the only one love drunk while the other is sober.”

“Trust you? I suppose, this time, I will have to.” Reid shrugged, smiling faintly, “Thank you, Captain.”

“Can I have that in writing?” Jackson chuckled, resulting in Reid squinting his eyes. 

“Anyway… We are in need of you at the station. With me, Captain.” Reid cleared his throat, placing his hat back on his head and opening the door. 

“Yes, Sir.” Jackson rolled his eyes playfully, also reaching for his hat and putting it on as he followed Reid out of the door. The two of them made their way down the stairs and toward the exit, Jackson only making a stop when he was met with Susan at the bottom of the stairs. 

“Good day, Miss. Hart.” Reid spoke softly, each of them exchanging polite nods as he walked passed.

“It would seem Mr. Drake has quite the eye for Rose, darlin’.” Jackson wiggled his eyebrows, leaning in as an attempt to sweetly kiss her lips.

“That makes a change from you, Captain.” Susan spoke with a straight face, turning her head so that Jackson’s lips only just skimmed her cheek. 

“I- I… Sorry?” Jackson pouted his lips, trying to maintain an innocent expression.

“Jackson?” Reid called from the door as he looked back at him. 

“Alright.” Jackson waved his arm before turning back to Susan, “Darlin’?” He raised his eyebrows, reaching one of his arms out to carefully tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“Go about your work, Jackson.” Susan remained untamed from his gesture. 

“I’m already looking forward to coming home.” Jackson spoke in almost a gruff whisper, winking at her. Susan narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips, staying quiet.

“Jackson!” Reid repeated, louder this time. 

“I said ‘alright’, god damn it!” Jackson shouted back, shaking his head as he followed him out of the door and onto the street.

Reid, for once, felt satisfied with how his encounter with Jackson had gone. He was feeling helpless and, though he would never admit it, Jackson speaking the truth to him made him realise even more that he needed to reassure Miss. Goren that he never wished to take her company for granted. For the remainder of the day, Reid, Drake and Jackson kept themselves busy with work, but nothing was working harder than Reid’s mind trying to find the right words to say. His brain was working in overdrive, still fixated that he had gone too far this time. ‘You like her’ were the three words that were playing on his mind when he thought back to his conversation with Jackson. Did he? Was it more than just a comfort blanket that he saw in her? Perhaps, but coming from a man in his position and being married, it was not a possibility that he could even begin to allow his mind to explore – even if, on occasion, they would end up passionately melting into each other. He wanted to make one thing clear to her; he went to her not because he only cared for someone to spend the night with, but because he wanted her comfort, because he wanted her shoulder, because he wanted her listening ear, because he wanted to, because he wanted… Her?

“I trust your apology with Jackson went as planned, then?” Drake arched a brow as he walked toward him. 

“It did.” Reid nodded. 

“You ask that like I’m not right here, Drake.” Jackson rolled his eyes, looking up from one of his glass containers. 

“Have you found what the contents of the man’s stomach was yet?” Drake asked, looking over at him. 

“Not unless you would like to taste the contents of this glass tube.” Jackson shrugged, averting his eyes back to it.

“I think I will pass on that kind offer.” Drake shook his head. 

“Thank you for your work today, Jackson. Should there be any more developments, I will be here first thing in the morning.” Reid reached for his hat. 

“Are you now going to speak with Miss. Goren?” Drake watched as Reid straightened his collar. 

“I am,” Reid nodded, “As much as I fear she will not want to see nor speak to me.” He mumbled under his breath. 

“Fear is just your mind trying to tell you not to do something dangerous, Reid.” Jackson spoke against the lit cigarette hanging between his lips, “Sometimes it can turn out to be a good thing. You just need to trust your instinct.”

“Thank you, Captain… I shall see where it takes me.” Reid swallowed hard, nodding at him. 

“Blimey, since when did the American begin bursting into inspirational sonnets?” Drake laughed out his words, receiving an unpleasant look from Jackson before turning to Reid again, “I wish you luck with such, Edmund,” Drake smiled kindly, “I hope it comes across in the way of which you would like it to. That she understands why it is you trust in her.”

“I hope so, too, Bennet.” Reid sighed softly. 

“If she still wishes to be there for you when you are in need, don’t let her go.” Drake pushed his hands into his pockets. 

“I- I… What makes you say this, Bennet?” Reid narrowed his eyebrows. 

“Because, Edmund, this shitty world sometimes produces a flower.” Drake shrugged, raising his eyebrows. 

“Perhaps a rose, some might say, Sargent Drake?” Jackson piped up, trying not to smirk as he continued to stare into the liquid of his glass container. Drake pretended not to hear.

“She indeed does deserve much more than my abrupt rudeness.” Reid shook his head, “I wish to make her aware of how much I respect her and how grateful I am that she is always there for me, without fail.”

“She will hear what you have to say, I am sure of it.” Drake looked up at him with an encouraging smile. 

“One can hope, Bennet. Thank you.” Reid smiled back, straightening his hat as he walked toward the door. 

“Oh, and, Reid…” Jackson called, making The Inspector turn around with a deep sigh, squinting his eyes, “If, by some horrific disaster, you mess up the advice from the master, you could always try sitting on your arm,” He tried his best to keep a straight face as Reid raised an inquisitive eyebrow, “Wait until it goes numb… Then it feels just like someone else is doing it for you, if you know what I mean.” Jackson wiggled his eyebrows, pulling his cigarette out of his mouth and exhaling the smoke as Reid rolled his eyes before shaking his head with a disapproving expression, not even hardly granting Jackson with a reaction as he walked out of the room.


	8. More Than Just Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can only apologise for how long it has taken me to write this chapter... But strap yourself in for a wild ride! ;)

The rapid beats of Inspector Reid’s heart definitely made up for his hesitant steps. Clenching his sweaty fists, he could feel the nervousness running throughout his body. He wondered what the best thing would be to say to her, how she would react, or if she would even answer the door to him in the first place. It was late evening, but it was yet to be completely dark. His breathing grew slightly heavier as he made his way toward the door, swallowing hard. He closed his eyes briefly to compose himself before knocking on the door and taking a small step back as he waited. He exhaled shakily through his nose when he spotted a figure making their way toward the door and forced his feet to stay like they were concreated to the floor as the unnerving anxiety in his body began to rise. The pit of his stomach was filled with so much fear it almost made him feel nauseous. He watched every movement of the door as the figure of Miss. Goren reached for the handle, opening it slowly and blinking hard as she stood in the doorway, her eyes immediately on him and his pasty complexion. 

“Inspector…” She peered out of the doorway, squinting her eyes for a few moments as Reid’s mouth opened and closed like a fish, his mind suddenly empty of all that he thought to say, “It’s not raining, you’re not out of breath, so you couldn’t have stormed or rushed here… What could you possibly want?”

“F-Forgive me, Miss. Goren…” Reid inhaled shakily, now nervously playing with the cuffs of his jacket as he tried to muster more things to say, “I am perfectly aware that I am the last face you would like to see upon your doorstep, but… All I ask is that you hear out my apology. Please.” Reid narrowed his eyebrows, gazing hesitantly into her eyes. 

“Apology?” She arched a brow, crossing her arms across her chest and keeping her gaze on his bashful expression. 

“I-If I may.” Reid nodded shyly. Miss. Goren remained completely still, not even her expression changing as she studied his nervous stance, “However, if you do not wish to hear what I have to say, I completely understand.” He blinked hard as he watched her closely while she looked down at the floor for a few moments before exhaling quietly. 

“Come in.” She spoke with a straight face, gesturing for him to step inside. 

“O-Oh, I do not wish to impose; I will simply say what I have to say here and be on my way, if you would feel more comfortable.” Reid narrowed his eyebrows, biting the inside of his lip. 

“Inspector Reid, it would seem you have yet to live by your own rule of not being able to turn up at someone’s door whenever you please.” She narrowed her eyes. 

“I- I…” Reid squeaked, yet again hardly able to think of what to say. 

“Come in,” She sighed out her words, stepping back slightly to allow room for him to step into the doorway, “Before I change my mind.”

Reid remained silent and accepted her offer, stepping inside the orphanage and taking a shaky breath as she shut the door behind them. She looked at him for a brief moment before turning her head toward the corridor and walking down it as she flattened down the front of her dress. Reid raised his eyebrows as he followed her obediently from behind and into one of the rooms, looking around as he took in the surroundings of this room he had never been in before. There were a couple of tables with benches, identical to the ones in the main room, and a blackboard with several things written on it. On each visit to the orphanage, Reid had only been in her main room and bedroom, whereas this was what appeared to be more of a classroom. He licked his dry, nervous lips and remained in the doorway; his eyes fixated on Miss. Goren as she ventured further into the room. The silence remained in the room as she turned to face him again, tilting her head. 

“Tea?” She asked, placing her hands on her hips. 

“H-Hm?” Reid shook himself out of his trance, exhaling shakily. 

“Would you like some tea?” She blinked hard, unable to stop herself from running her eyes over his weary stance. 

“T-Tea…” He stuttered out his words, looking over at her. 

“I will get us both some tea.” She rolled her eyes and walked back toward the door, “Take a seat, you may as well make yourself at home now that you’re here.” 

“M-Miss. Goren, there really is no need…” He spoke quietly, watching her walk back down the corridor and into the kitchen before walking into the room and sitting down at one of the benches. He sighed deeply and put his head in his hands for a brief moment, trying to compose himself. His heart was pounding madly in his chest, both shocked that she had even let him into her home and ashamed of himself for even having spoken to her the way he did that lead him to have to make the apology in the first place. He ran his hands over his face and up his forehead, scowling slightly when he felt the brim of his hat at his fingertips and pulled his hat off completely, laying it on the table. He exhaled loudly as he pushed his fingers through his hair, nervously chewing his bottom lip. 

“Here.” Miss. Goren spoke as she walked into the room, setting two cups of tea down as she sat opposite him at the bench. 

“Th-Thank you…” Reid swallowed hard, warming his hands around the cup and staring down into it in silence. 

“Why are you here, Inspector?” She brought her cup to her lips, watching him closely before averting her eyes to his hat now rested on the table. 

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t take my hat off as soon as you invited me in,” Reid stuttered, keeping his gaze on the tea, “That was most rude of me.”

“You came here to tell me you’re sorry for not taking your hat off as soon as you entered my house?” She squinted her eyes in confusion, almost feeling as if a giggle was about to escape her lips. 

“N-No, I…” He searched for the words to say again before simply shaking his head, “No.”

“I will ask you again, then… Why are you here, Inspector?” She arched a brow after taking a sip from her cup. 

“I would like to… Apologise for my tone and actions of which you were the victim of last night.” He swallowed hard, looking over at Miss. Goren as she remained quiet, “You offered me a kind, helping hand and I ever so cruelly pushed it away. It was impolite of me, it was rude, it was… The absolute opposite of what you deserved.” He took a shaky breath, “Th-The absolute opposite of what you’ve ever deserved.”

“Oh, that.” She rolled her eyes playfully, bringing her cup back to her lips. 

“Y-Yes…” Reid nodded slowly, “I will not feel at all offended if you wish no longer for me to be within your company now, or at all.” 

“Edmund, stop.” She sighed, placing her cup back down on the table and watching him closely as he raised his eyebrows, silencing himself as per her request, “I am aware that it wasn’t pleasant that you reacted the way you did, however, I still do not know the reason why you were feeling that way.” She spoke in a soft tone. 

“Am I right in thinking you wish to give me another chance to explain myself?” Reid asked in a weary tone. 

“Go ahead.” She kept her eyes on him, tilting her head. 

“I- I am not sure that I am able to, Miss. Goren.” Reid narrowed his eyebrows, “Nor am I confident in believing that I have a right to justify such actions of which I set upon you last night.”

“As I have told you before, Inspector, there is no need for justification between you and I; I only wish to be a listening ear to prevent you from feeling like the only possible outcome is to push all those around you… Away.” She shrugged. 

“Forgive me, Miss. Goren, but I do not believe that I deserve as such.” He blinked hard. 

“It’s not about deserving, Inspector, its about willing.” She gazed over into his eyes. 

“Pardon? I do not follow.” Reid’s eyes now returned to Miss. Goren’s.

“Me willing to listen… If only you are willing to speak.” She spoke simply. 

“I… I can’t help but notice that, regardless of how I speak to you, you’re still open to hear anything I have to say. I have no idea how to even comprehend the amount of patience that you have for myself.” Reid swallowed hard, nervously tapping his fingers against the cup, “A-And, as for my absence after kind gestures from yourself, I don’t know how to say ‘thank you’ or show gratefulness toward you when I feel it is not well earned from you.”

“When you allow yourself to open up to me, I am more than happy to listen to what you have to say.” She shrugged, taking a sip from her cup. 

“I had no business speaking to you the way I did last night.” He narrowed his eyebrows. 

“But you did.” She gazed down into the cup. 

“I hope you know that I appreciate you listening and hearing my pathetic situations.” He blinked hard, looking down. 

“Inspector, they are not pathetic. They are true, they are raw, they are… Real.” She shook her head, feeling it take everything in her not to reach across the table for his hand. 

“Your face happens to be one of the few lights within my constant battle of darkness, Miss. Goren.” He exhaled slowly, avoiding eye contact. 

“Edmund…” She inhaled shakily, setting the cup back on the table. 

“The… Situation between ourselves, I would like you to know that I never turn up at your door in hope of spending the night for any reason other than to speak with you, knowing that you will genuinely listen and…” His voice trailed off, taking an uneasy breath as he glanced into the distance before looking back at her again, “Shed a little bit of happiness into this god-awful head of mine. To feel used is the last thing I would like you to feel.”

“I know a man such as yourself would not come to my door with any other intention, Inspector,” She gazed back over at him, “Though, those events aren’t just within throw away hours, I cannot begin to explain how much I…” She stopped herself, lifting the cup to her lips and averting her eyes as she began to feel her cheeks turning pink. 

“I must tell you; I dread not only my own reputation if we were to be found out, but also for yourself. I mustn’t bring you down with me, should someone print about our business.” He blinked hard, biting the inside of his lip. 

“I should think that the encounters between you and I have been strictly behind closed doors, Inspector…” She discreetly ran her eyes along his lips before into his eyes again. 

“This is what I am afraid of, why I – unforgivably rudely – pushed you away last night. If someone were to have seen the two of us together, in my office, I wouldn’t like to think what would’ve come of it,” Reid raised his eyebrows, “However, I realise you have either come to – or chosen to – forget that Sargent. Drake was faced with and aware of you and I.”

“But you trust in him, correct?” She asked, watching as he nodded, “So, what worry could that cause, just me, you and Sargent Drake knowing?”

“Miss. Goren... I must be honest with you,” Reid cleared his throat, “I had to confirm Sargent Drake’s recurrent suspicions, however, I had to, and felt it only right to do so, in front of Captain Jackson.” He admitted. 

“You told someone about our affairs without my permission first?!” Miss. Goren exclaimed, gasping as she looked at him with an almost glaring expression. 

“Please accept my apologies, but I felt I had no choice.” Reid tried his best to remain calm, narrowing his eyebrows. 

“You expect to trust me with your deepest, darkest thoughts, and yet, you go mouthing our encounters, our hush, hush, /private/ encounters with none other than The Captain?!” She squinted her eyes, shaking her head in anger. 

“I should have consulted you first, that was wrong of me. It was not my place to do so without speaking to you beforehand.” Reid gazed across the table at her, feeling his hands growing sweaty as he laid them flat on the table. Miss. Goren blinked hard and stared down at the table, completely frozen in thought for several moments. It was almost as if she had a damn of honesty ready to burst out of her mouth which she was still forcing herself to hold back.

“Get out.” She spoke uneasily, swallowing hard. Reid scowled and looked over at her in a clear state of confusion from her sudden change of heart, “Get out of my home, Inspector.” She lifted her gaze back to his, blinking quickly as if trying desperately to hold back something. Reid’s eyes traced over her uneasy reaction to his confession and he let out a small, shaky sigh, “I don’t know what right you feel you have to turn up here when I cannot even trust you to keep our personal encounters between the two of us.” She gestured toward the door, angrily pushing the two cups to the side. 

“Deborah…” Reid spoke in an uneasy tone, daring himself to look at her again as a shaky breath escaped his lips. Miss. Goren widened her eyes slightly as she registered that he had just called her by her first, informal name, knowing that he only did this with people who he felt comfortable enough with to do so. To others, just a name, to Inspector Reid, it was a mark of the relationship between himself and said other person, and she was fully aware of this; Nine times out of ten, he would put up a formal front and only allow himself to address people informally of whom he trusted to be considered as someone who was close to. 

“Don’t…” She was almost inaudible. 

“I- I truly am sorry, Miss. Goren. You shall not have to see me after today, I apologise.” Reid stuttered, studying her expression. 

“I don’t think you’re aware of what you bring to my door, are you, Edmund?” She asked, looking over at him again. 

“I- I am aware that you do not deserve it.” Reid spoke quietly, looking at her with a timid expression. 

“You may turn up here full of misery and then feel much better once getting it all off your chest, but what about these feelings I’ve got?!” She raised her voice slightly.

“I must assure you; I am willing to listen to you regarding anything that is bothering you. Forgive me if I had not previously made that clear.” He swallowed hard.

“Last night proved otherwise.” She mumbled under her breath. 

“I could not apologise or feel worse regarding how I can only imagine I made you feel last night and I am well aware that I am the last person who deserves to be even sat here speaking to you right now, but I must encourage you to open up to me as I do to you,” He frowned, “I have come to learn that, that is how we work, you and I.”

“It never is just ‘opening up’, though, is it, hm?” She sighed helplessly, shaking her head as she chewed the bottom of her lip. 

“I’m sorry?” Reid scowled. 

“I need more than just a hopeful night, Edmund.” She pressed her lips together, looking down at her hands before standing up from the table and playing anxiously with her fingers as she walked away from her side and behind Reid as his back was facing the door. 

“Pardon? I don’t believe I follow.” Reid tilted his head, also beginning to stand up and feeling his breath catch in his throat as he was met just inches away from Miss. Goren as her sudden change of mind made her turn back around, stood almost directly behind him until he was also on his feet and now both of them face to face.

“I want to be more than just tonight.” She narrowed her eyebrows, glancing down at his lips before back into his eyes. 

“Deborah, are you saying…” His words trailed off as Miss. Goren lifted her hand to gently brush the back of her fingertip against his cheek. 

“Saying what, Inspector?” She asked, still feeling the butterflies in her stomach from him saying her name. Reid swallowed hard and flicked his eyes down to her lips as her finger remained lightly pressed to his skin. Her touch and tone of voice combined had taken his breath from him, frozen helplessly still as he allowed his eyes to close. “Inspector?”

“Wh-Why…. Must your touch always be so comforting?” He managed to string a shaky sentence together, his eyes remaining shut as she now used two fingers to lightly stroke his cheek. 

“Because, Edmund, I know by now /exactly/ how to read you and know what it is that you are desiring. Whether that be a reassuring word or a reassuring...” She spoke softly as his eyes slowly opened, glancing down at her lips once more before both of their lips met. The both of them took a sharp breath in unison, only opening their eyes briefly as she spoke again, “…Kiss.” She whispered before leaning up on her toes and kissing him once more, sliding both of her hands onto his cheeks to bring his face slightly closer to him as he eagerly leaned in for more. His hands slid up into her hair, frantically tangling his fingers in it as their lips met over and over. Miss. Goren’s arms gradually snaked themselves around his neck as Reid’s hands found their way to her hips, walking her backward until she felt her back press up against the wall. The fast-paced kissing continued regardless of the coldness she could feel through her dress, Reid’s hands remaining on her waist. After a few long moments, he pulled back with an uneasy breath, glancing down into her heavy eyes as she did the same. It was only for a brief moment, however, and it was not long before their lips met once more, each kiss growing deeper than the last. 

“M-Miss. Goren, I-… F-Forgive me, I do not know what came over me.” Reid whimpered helplessly against her lips, holding their bodies close together in his shaky, weary grip. 

“And, yet, you do not let go…” Miss. Goren whispered back, pressing a light kiss to his lips. 

“Y-Your embrace is just…” His voice trailed off, lost yet again from one of her kisses. 

“An embrace that should not be broken, Inspector?” She opened her eyes for a moment, gazing up into his as he studied her lips while she spoke. Reid blinked his heavy eyes as her words rang through him, looking down at her as words failed him. One of his hands raised to her face as he ever so lightly moved his thumb over her cheek, inhaling shakily through his mouth, “Come here…” She whispered, pushing her fingers into the back of his hair as she leaned up to kiss him once more. Reid allowed his eyes to fall shut again as he tilted his head to the side, kissing her back almost immediately as his free hand slipped around from her hip to the small of her back, pulling their bodies even closer together. They felt each other visibly shiver as their hips touched, both of them making a small noise against their lips as they paused just for a moment before falling back into their desperate pattern of kisses. Reid could not help the way that this woman had him wrapped completely around her finger, whether it was her kind words, her listening ear or her touch; he couldn’t help but fall into her completely. It was almost like a sense of comfort that someone genuinely still wanted him. He felt the heat rise in him as their bodies brushed against one another’s with each passionate kiss, their tongues now dancing together as their heads tilted from side to side. Shakily, he brought his hand away from her back, Miss. Goren able to feel his fingers tremble as they made their way down her thigh, slowly lifting it up and gasping softly as he felt her respond by hooking her leg around his waist, his hips now practically pinning her against the wall. They both opened their eyes in unison as a result and gazed deeply at each other, breathing heavily as Reid’s lips remained open, Miss. Goren slowly licking hers. 

“It amazes me how you manage to clear my mind and yet fill it with endless images of you and I…” Reid spoke lowly, letting out a shaky breath as he nudged his hips forward just slightly. 

“Oh?” Miss. Goren arched a brow, trying to hide a smirk as she brushed her body forward in response, “I fear I may have corrupted The Inspector.” She whispered, biting her lip with an innocent smile. 

“A man once told me that fear is just your mind trying to tell you not to do something dangerous.” Reid whispered back, glancing down at her lips briefly. 

“He must be a very wise man.” Miss. Goren giggled, sliding her hands up his strong arms before taking hold of his large jacket collar, slowly attempting to slip it off his shoulders. 

“Some would disagree.” Reid mumbled and squinted his eyes for a moment, allowing his arms to drop by his sides so that his jacket could fall to the floor, Miss. Goren’s leg still securely around him. 

“And this… Dangerous thing…” She slowly traced her tongue across her bottom lip, gazing up into his eyes, “Is it something that you desire, Inspector?”

“It is.” Reid answered almost immediately, shocking himself as his hand returned to her thigh, lightly pressing his fingertips into the skin from under her dress as he dared himself to look down into her eyes once more, “In this moment, very much so.”

“If you so wish, have me where we stand.” She whispered lowly, gazing deeply into his eyes. Reid’s mouth fell open again from her words and he felt his hand shaking even more against her thigh as he lifted it a little higher, leaning down to desperately press their lips together. The kisses grew faster and harder each time, Miss. Goren’s arms unhooking themselves from his neck and trailing her hands down the front of his body as their tongues tangled together. Reid sucked his stomach in slightly when he felt her untucking his shirt from the waistband of his pants, flames alighting in his stomach as she ran her fingertips along his beltline. He shakily pushed his hand further up her thigh and winced slightly as she pulled on his bottom lip from the feeling of his fingertips dragging along her inner thigh. With the obvious bulge now protruding the fabric cage of his pants, he nervously brushed his hips forward once more to stress his ever growing need to be set free. Miss. Goren, as she had stated before, had grown to know how to read The Inspector inside and out with their frequent encounters in the dark. Her gentle, delicate hands swiftly undid his pants, pushing either sides of his crotch open and lightly trailing her tongue along his bottom lip as she took hold of him through his underwear. Reid inhaled sharply through his mouth as soon as he felt her hands upon him and narrowed his eyebrows, now desperate more than ever to part her legs a little more as she pushed the front of his underwear down teasingly slow. Their heavy breathing grew louder and louder along with their anticipation as she guided him between her legs, able to feel him pulse against her fingertips. 

“D-Deborah…” He let out a breathy moan against her lips as their hips finally met. 

“Sh-Shh…” She leaned up to press a gentle kiss to his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck as their lips began to meet with each steady thrust of his hips, “Steady, Edmund…” She whispered, feeling his grip tightening on her thigh slightly as he tried to maintain his balance with his ever growing, needy pace. Her calming tone made him relax a little more as he grunted against her lips, kissing her clumsily in between grunts. She soothingly sank her fingers into his hair as she pulled her lips from his only to place them on his neck as she moaned against his skin, allowing her eyes to roll back. Reid tried his best to fight off a moan as the tip of her tongue glided lightly against his skin, lifting her hips up slightly to meet with his as his thrusts became faster and sharper. His breathy moans began to grow louder as his body pulsed with desire to move relentlessly against her, squeezing his eyes shut as he hung his head forward slightly. Miss. Goren opened her heavy eyes once she pulled back from his neck and gazed down at The Inspector’s tipped forward head and reached her shaky hands up to place them against his cheeks, lifting his head up slightly so she could pull him into another kiss. He could feel himself throb in unison with the pleasure shooting through his body, keeping a secure grip on her thigh, “Edmund, you do not have to silence yourself in your pleasure.” She spoke softly, brushing her lips against his once more as she sensed his usual tense posture. 

“I- I do not want to wake anybody…” Reid stuttered uneasily, lightly digging his fingertips into her skin. 

“I am flattered to think that you feel it good enough to stress such sounds, Inspector.” She smirked, lightly brushing her thumbs over his rosey cheeks. 

“I-If you don’t mind me saying, I feel it always deemed appropriate to do so in such encounters with you, Miss. Goren.” Reid whispered lowly. Miss. Goren’s lips parted from his words and immediately found her hands at the back of his head again, desperately trying to crash their lips harder together. Reid parted his lips in response and tilted his head to the side, his starting to buck his hips upwards, daring his moans to get louder with each movement but his eyes still remaining closed. Miss. Goren gasped in pleasure at the sudden change of pace, tangling her fingers in his hair as she rocked her hips back against his. The Inspector felt several flames firing in the pit of his stomach as he forced himself not to give in quite yet, breathing heavily against her lips as his hips relentlessly slammed up against hers, each one with a little more force than the last. 

“O-Oh, Inspector…” Miss. Goren allowed a breathy moan to escape her lips, pulling at his bottom lip shakily as her body trembled in pleasure. The tone of her voice only made him weaker, stumbling forward slightly as he lost grip on her thigh just slightly for a few moments. She reached one of her hands down and placed it over his back against her thigh, lifting her leg slightly higher. 

“A-Ah!” Reid whimpered softly as he felt himself now able to move with even more ease from the different angle of how her leg was positioned. He pulled his head back and rested his forehead against her shoulder, harshly pressing his lips together as he let out a heavy grunt with each movement, “D-Deborah…” His voice was growing slightly higher in pitch, trying his best to control himself as the sounds of their bodies meeting against the wall left fewer time in between. He lifted his head slightly and she felt his hot breath against her ear, playing shakily with the hair at the nape of his neck as his hips began to buck up against hers once more, practically holding her against the wall by them as his hand shakily slipped up and down her leg. Miss. Goren gasped in pleasure as she felt him pulse inside her, encouraging him to keep the same, harsh pace as her fingers weaved in and out of his hair while rocking back against him. 

“I-Inspector…” She moaned uneasily, feeling his entire body starting to tremble as his face began to turn even more pink, gazing up at him in awe as his eyes remained tightly closed. His body was giving her every signal that it was taking all of the strength within him to not let go. There were little beads of sweat gathering on his forehead, the skin tight from screwing up his face and his lips tightly pressed together, only opening slightly as he let out a heavy breath before struggling to speak. 

“N-Not ‘Inspector’…” He managed to muster, lightly digging his fingertips into her inner thigh as he desperately pounded his hips up against hers, making her squeal in pleasure as she tried her best to keep a shaky grip on his thick hair, “S-Say…”

“Edmund.” She beat him to it, speaking in a seductive, breathy moan directly into his ear. He didn’t even have to finish the sentence; she knew it was what he was hinting at. Reid’s lips parted, he was completely lost within his own pleasure and just the tone of her voice surrounding the name he wanted to say was enough to tip him over the edge. His breath hitched in his throat as he pushed his hips forward roughly a final time, groaning loudly in pure ecstasy as he struggled to maintain the secure grip on her thigh. “E-Edmund!” She called out this time with a wide grin, pulling at his hair between her fingers as they melted into one another. Tugging at his hair now, she drew their faces back together, also smacking their lips back together as their rapid, heavy breathing exchanged into each other’s mouths. The pleasure flying through Reid’s body made it difficult for him to remain stood up as his hips continued to relentlessly thrust up into her, both of them quivering in pleasure as they rode out the intense waves of satisfaction. 

“D-Deborah…” Reid shivered, very gradually slowing his hips after a few long moments as their lips continued to meet with each movement. 

“Inspector /Edmund/ Reid…” She smirked against his lips, her chest raising and falling in unison with his heavy panting. 

“M-Mhmm…” He was still unable to speak as they broke the kiss, his eyes remaining closed as his hips came to a complete stop. Miss. Goren’s fingers untangled themselves from his hair as he gently lowered her leg to the ground again, her hands now settling on his shoulders. His eyes slowly opened as he tried his best to catch his breath, staring down into hers as he swallowed hard. 

“Well, Inspector… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to just see this as the classroom anymore.” She bit her lip to prevent her smirk from widening as she refused to break the eye contact. 

“I… I’m sorry…” Reid cleared his throat, narrowing his eyebrows as he glanced down at her lips and then between their bodies for a brief moment, “I had no right to allow… Passion to take over me like that.” He blinked hard, now making it so that the eye contact remained broken. 

“Oh?” Miss. Goren tilted her head to the side, feeling a grin threatening to make its way onto her face, “Passion, Edmund?” She licked her lips slowly, unable to take her eyes off him. 

“H-Hm?” He took a deep breath, feeling his self-consciousness starting to creep back into him as he took a step back, flattening down the front of his clothes with his shaky hands, “P-Please forgive me for…” He struggled to word what he wasn’t even sure he was trying to say, turning away in embarrassment. Miss. Goren watched him closely and scowled a little, waiting a few moments before pushing her dress back over her legs properly and daring herself to approach him. 

“Edmund, you have nothing to be sorry for.” She spoke softly. 

“I should not have taken advantage of such a situation, Miss. Goren.” Reid spoke quietly, his back still turned to her. 

“You did nothing of the sort, Edmund.” She pouted, reaching her hands up to straighten his collar from behind.

“Your kind words and gestures… You would not think me a respectable man to assume that you were insinuating such events should take place in the very room we stand.” He stared down at his feet, swallowing hard. 

“There is nothing wrong with feeling or yearning for desire to be shared with another person.” She whispered, soothingly starting to scratch the sides of his neck as she remained stood behind him, “Neither one of us made the other do something we did not wish to do, did we, Inspector?” She raised her eyebrows as, for the first time, she could feel him relax at her touch rather than tense up from it. 

“We did not.” He whispered, shaking his head. 

“Would you agree that we both longed for that moment of passion as much as each other?” She asked as he tilted his head back slightly, closing his eyes as she moved her hands down the front of his body, stopping at his still-open crotch. 

“I- I do.” He admitted, hardly able to even believe he allowed himself to say such a thing as her fingers slowly dipped into the waistband of his underwear. 

“Do you wish for such arrangements between you and I to come to such an abrupt end?” She spoke lowly into his ear while Reid encouraged her wondering hands by standing with his legs a little further apart. He shook his head hesitantly from her question but remained quiet, watching through heavy eyes as she took hold of him again, inside his underwear this time, gently caressing his sensitive skin as she spoke, “Do not deny yourself well-earned relief, Edmund. It’s only natural that you crave it.” His heavy eyes slowly closed as she wrapped her soft, gentle fist around him, squeezing first before very slowly grazing her fingertips up and down. He allowed a soft, almost silent noise to escape from his lips as he tried his best not to fall back against her from the feeling of her ever-so tender touch. As much as he tried to tell himself he didn’t want it, in the moment, this felt like every bit of right. Slowly, all different sides of Miss. Goren were starting to form as different pieces of his weakness; from her kind words to her gentle touch, her general presence was growing on him more and more with each time they met… Almost as much as he was physically growing in her grip, “Oh, again, Inspector?” She gasped playfully, chewing her bottom lip with a smirk. Reid awkwardly cleared his throat and felt his lips twitch, lifting one of his hands to pull at his shirt collar in an attempt of some form of air flow to his desire-filled body. 

“I…” Was all he managed to squeak, helplessly craving nothing more than to be in her embrace again. 

“Do you wish for /tonight/ to come to such an abrupt end?” She asked, gently rolling her thumb around the tip of his length. He let out a louder, shaky moan under his breath as his eyebrows narrowed once more. To Miss. Goren’s surprise, he turned around to face her. 

“I do not.” He replied simply, blinking his heavy eyes. His expression was both like that of a little lost puppy and yet of one that has just found everything it was longing for. 

“Oh, Edmund, do not lead me on with those innocent eyes.” She bit her lip with a smirk, locking her gaze with his as she teasingly pulled her hand away, holding it out for him to take it in his own instead. Reid lifted one of his large hands and met it with one of Miss. Goren’s smaller ones, looking down at her intently with his burning eyes until she finally spoke again, “Come to bed.” 

Completely lost in a trance, Reid linked their fingers together as she turned toward the door and followed her out of it, both of them looking each way down the corridor before stepping out of it and walking in the direction of her bedroom. She placed one hand on the doorknob and turned her head back to look up at him, trailing her gaze down to his lips for a moment before back into his eyes and then opening the door. Once both inside and the door shut, the room began to fill with immediate fiery tension as the two turned to face each other once more. They waited only a few moments before drawing their bodies to one another’s again, their hands flying up and down each other as their lips met over and over in between small grunts. His nervous hands reached behind her to unclip her hair and felt himself shiver as the ends of her hair tickled over the backs of his hands as his fingers gently caressed her shoulders. Although they were verbally silent, the heavy breathing and wondering hands left little to the imagination of what both of them wanted. Miss. Goren moved her hands to his waistcoat and quickly undid the buttons, pulling it off him before moving her hands to the buttons on his shirt and unbuttoning them at the same pace while Reid’s fingers shakily worked on undoing her dress. He took a hesitant step back once her dress fell to the floor and discreetly trailed his eyes over her partially bare body, allowing her to push his shirt off his body as he dropped his arms by his sides. His breathing quickened slightly when the scars from his burns became visible to the cool air, immediately self-conscious about them. 

“Do not hide from these, Edmund.” She spoke quietly, noticing his slight discomfort and placing her hands against his bare shoulders while leaning forward slightly to press delicate kisses to his scars. Reid inhaled shakily as her lips made contact with the sensitive skin, trying his best to stop his body from tensing. Not only were they a reminder of that horrible day, but they made it so he didn’t even want to see his own skin, let alone have it on show for someone else. He remained silent and swallowed hard, nervously removing Miss. Goren’s underwear while her own hands removed his once he had stepped out of his pants, her lips still lightly grazing over his skin. Once completely bare, the both of them stood just inches apart, trying to control their breathing as their eyes ran over each other’s body, mentally trying to see who wanted to make the first move. 

“I-… Miss. Goren, I did not come here expecting a scene such as this from yourself tonight…” Reid stuttered shyly, blinking his heavy eyes, “P-Please do not think it rude of you to state when I have crossed the line.” 

“Shh,” She shook her head, gazing up at him, “I’ve got to tell you something.”

“H-Hm?” Reid arched a brow, licking his dry lips. 

“You have not crossed any line, Edmund, and please do not think it rude of yourself to state the same to me also,” She spoke softly, locking eyes with him, “You seem to fear yourself as if a devil lives within your kiss… I can speak from experience and assure you, it does not.”

“D-Deborah, I do not wish to… Burn you with the reality of my life.” He responded in a defeated tone. 

“Well, before that goes up in flames, it’s a fire I cannot resist, Inspector.” She practically whispered her words, gasping quietly as Reid lifted one of his hands up to carefully cup her face within it, desperate for their lips to meet again. Miss. Goren immediately parted her lips to accept it and snaked her arms around his neck again as they stumbled backward to her bed, their kisses deepening by the second as Reid felt the heat in his body rise once more. He sat down on the edge of the bed, allowing Miss. Goren to straddle his lap. She placed her hands on his collar bones and carefully pushed him back onto it as he scooted a little further onto the bed until his feet were no longer dangling over the edge. Their repeated kisses and meeting of skin now had Reid’s large, hesitant hands tracing up and down her back, inhaling sharply against her lips each time he felt her lower stomach brush against his length. 

“I- I…” He tried to think of what to say, feeling his face starting to turn red as his body began to quiver in pleasure with each movement she rocked against him. 

“It appears there’s something coming between us, Edmund.” She giggled against his lips. 

“I- I apologise…” He stuttered timidly, now feeling his hands starting to tremble against her skin just like they did when he had hold of her thigh. 

“Oh, there’s no need for apology, Inspector…” She shook her head, smirking against his lips, “Would you like us to see to it?”

“I have never wanted you more than I do in this very moment, Deborah.” He spoke against her lips, pulling his head back for a brief moment to catch her shocked, passionate gaze. 

“Edmund…” She parted her lips, glancing between their bodies before wasting no time in joining their lips together again. One of her hands trailed between their bodies and took hold of his warm, pulsing length, teasingly slipping her loose fist up and down several times. He grunted against her lips and forced himself not to thrust into her hand, swallowing hard as he felt her holding it upright, pausing the kiss in anticipation as she gradually sat over him completely with swift ease. Reid felt his entire body stiffen for a few moments before allowing himself to relax, sliding his hand down to the small of her back as a low moan sounded from his lips. The moment she began to move back and forth over him, he squeezed his eyes tightly shut in pleasure, his fingertips now gently digging into the skin on her back as his body thrived in pleasure. With both of them now moaning in unison, the room also became filled with their groans of delight. Miss. Goren’s fingertips made their way to his sideburns and caressed them repeatedly before gripping them gently between her finger and thumb as her movements became faster. She pressed one final, hard kiss to his lips before lifting the top half of her body off him and placing her hands on his chest as she began to bounce over him at a faster, vigorous pace. Reid parted his lips and allowed his moans to grow louder and louder as his eyes rolled back in pleasure, keeping them firmly closed. Miss. Goren reached forward clumsily and weakly scratched at his chest as she called out his name breathlessly several times, hanging her head back in delight as she continued the same pace over and over. Reid was well and truly lost in pleasure; they both were. This no longer felt like a runaway affair to him, and – to tell the truth – it never was, though he had yet to state that. It was not the sex that brought him to her door, it was the connection between them both. There was something between them and, as much as he wouldn’t admit it, he could only feel it burn even more each time such events occurred. However, as a married man living within a difficult family situation and in such a position at work, it would not be any time soon that he would confess. It was not hard to see that he was mostly oblivious to situations around him that didn’t involve his work, and he did not want to drag Miss. Goren down with it, even if it was unsure to him what she really thought of him. He dare not ask in fear of disappointment; Disappointment for himself if she had no interest in him other than these encounters in the dark and disappointment for her as he felt he was unable to provide her with the affection and protection of which she deserved. 

“O-Oh my god…” He whimpered as his body lit up in ecstasy each time she sprung back and forth over him. He felt it shoot through him repeatedly and, in a matter of seconds, there was an urge that suddenly came over him; an urge to sit up and reach out his arms for her. He wrapped his arms around her securely as their bare chests touched each other once more while she continued to relentlessly grind over him. The sudden shock of their bodies meeting once more made Miss. Goren lift her head as her hands settled on his shoulders. She opened her eyes, hoping that she had not done something wrong but instead was met with something that she expected even less. Reid’s eyes were open, and he was gazing directly at her. She blinked her heavy eyes and gazed directly back into his as her breath caught in her throat. Almost as if in self-punishment for believing he didn’t deserve such touch or affection from another, Reid’s eyes were always guaranteed to be kept closed throughout any act such as this between himself and her. She had never mentioned it, but she also couldn’t deny that she had realised. She enjoyed opening her eyes briefly and watching the several expressions of mixed arousal and pleasure upon his face, however, she had never opened her eyes and found him looking back at her, especially not as intently as he was right now. The strong eye contact continued until their lips pressed together again, their arms remained securely, almost protectively, around each other as the unbreakable movements against one another continuously made the structure of the bed beneath them rattle and threaten to collapse. 

“E-Edmund!” She squealed in delight as she sped up her movements just slightly more, able to feel every part of his upright, throbbing length each time she slid up and down it with ease.

“D-Deborah, I’m…” He gasped in pleasure as he tightened his grip on her even more. 

“Mmm… You know there’s nothing holding you back, Edmund.” She whispered seductively against his lips, her fingers now scratching back and forth over his sideburns as she desperately gained speed with her hips, moving against him as quickly as possible. The entirety of his body filled with heated pleasure as he felt himself growing closer and closer to losing control. His hands were shaking against her skin, his forehead growing sticky as his cheeks burned up, their lips continuing to meet for passionate, clumsy kisses. 

“D-De… Ah!” He grunted loudly against her lips as he felt himself lose control with each twitch of his length, gripping onto her body desperately and breathing out her name repeatedly as the pleasure circulated through him. 

“E-Edmu…” Was all Miss. Goren managed to say before the intensity of Reid’s climax brought her to her own, her hands now quavering against his sideburns and pushing her fingertips into his hair as their kisses stopped but their foreheads remained pressed against each other’s. They both continued to repeat each of their names for several seconds as the rhythm of her hips refused to let up until each of them had ridden out each and every wave of pleasure. 

“U-Ugh…” Reid groaned contently as he allowed himself to lay back down against the bed. Miss. Goren fell to the side of him but remained close, keeping an arm across his torso and one hand pressed against his warm cheek, now gently caressing the sideburn of which her fingertips laid upon. They laid there in comfortable silence, their heavy breathing now being the only sound throughout the room as they caught their breath. 

“I don’t believe I have ever felt the way I did just then.” Miss. Goren dared herself to say. Reid remained silent and nervously played with the ends of her hair, opening his eyes and looking up toward the ceiling. 

“I-It really was something… I… F-Felt something differ-…” He stopped himself, fearing he had already said too much. 

“You felt what, hm?” She narrowed her eyebrows, leaning up on her elbow and gazing down a him. 

“Good. Content.” He spoke vaguely in a slight abrupt way, hoping it would prevent her from asking further questions regarding how the entire evening had genuinely left him feeling, “D-Deborah.”

“You speak my name as if it is novelty to you, Inspector.” She gazed down at him with an amused expression. 

“And, yet, you do not call me by mine.” He squinted his eyes playfully. 

“But I do not fear to call you by it, you know this.” She laughed quietly, still moving her fingertips against one of his sideburns, “Whereas it was a shock to hear mine from yourself.”

“Because I feel it impolite to call a lady so informally as by her first name.” Reid narrowed his eyebrows. 

“You ask me to call you by yours.” Miss. Goren replied, keeping her eyes on him. 

“You never asked me to call you by yours.” Reid pursed his lips, looking up at her, “Perhaps I shall call you… Dare I say it… Deb?” He widened his eyes, trying to hold back a slight chuckle. 

“Oh, don’t stretch yourself, /Ed/.” She pressed her lips together tightly to hold back her own laugh. Reid remained silent and nervously drummed his fingertips against her bare skin as she reached for the bed sheets, pulling them over both of them before laying her head back against the pillow next to him. 

“You must tell me if I am being a burden by laying here with you.” Reid spoke as he averted his eyes back toward the ceiling. 

“Edmund… You are never a burden; I have told you this.” She frowned. 

“A failed, broken man turning up at your door with no right to do so?” He raised a brow.

“You are neither.” She shook her head. 

“Sometimes… I feel broke can’t get fixed.” He sighed, “And then I turn up here. I can only apologise for it.”

“If I am what helps you, what… Fixes you, then, I can only encourage you to continue to do so.” She shrugged. 

“I dream of the day I feel comfortable enough to live in this skin again, to feel proud to know that I can walk upon and know that I successfully protect these streets – my streets. That would be paradise for me; to feel like I have done right and looked after all those who look upon me for protection and to have someone by my side who… Believes in me to do so.” He admitted, still staring blankly into space. 

“Well, that appears to be the problem with the world we live in, Edmund.” Miss. Goren cleared her throat uneasily, so desperate to tell him that that was how she viewed him every single day. 

“What’s that?” He arched an inquisitive eyebrow. 

“We spend so much time dreaming of this so-called ‘paradise’ that we never actually find the time to go there.” She sighed quietly, gently stroking the back of her finger against his cheek. 

“There are also ones who do not deserve such a place.” Reid scratched his forehead, pushing his sweaty hair off it. 

“And you do not even slightly come under that category, Edmund.” She spoke softly, leaning up to press a gentle kiss to his lips, “Get some rest.”

“H-Here?” He asked, now raising both eyebrows. 

“If you so wish, I will not have a problem with it.” She shrugged with a kind smile. 

“Th-Thank you, Miss-… Deborah.” He spoke with a small, appreciative smile before laying his head back again and allowing his eyes to close. 

“Free yourself to be yourself, Edmund.” She whispered as she lightly kissed his cheek. His smile not only remained, but also grew from the feeling of her lips against his skin. Once content and one hundred percent at ease with who was around him, it never took him long to drift into sleep. Most likely because it was very rare that he felt this way and therefore it wasn’t very often that he would get a decent night’s sleep, hence why he would grab the opportunity when it was given. 

Miss. Goren watched his steady, comfortable breathing as he laid beside her and half smiled to herself, slowly removing her arm from him and trying her best not to disturb him as she reached for her diary which was laid upon her bedside table. It wasn’t every day that she would write in it, though she felt it only appropriate to document how she was feeling after tonight’s events:

‘August 19th. 

Dear Diary, 

Inspector Edmund Reid turned up at my door yet again today, despite instructing me the night before that I am not to turn up to his whenever I please. I invited him in, as always, unable to speak to him in the way he did with me the previous night. His mood still appears low, which does still worry me. I try to stress this to him and make him aware that I would rather have him come to me than deal with his daemons on his own – not that he often admits to me that he has any that trouble him so. I try to make him feel comfortable to open up to me as much as he feels is possible, but I am unsure if he trusts me as of yet with every twist inside that wonderful head of his. As long as he continues to come to me, or anyone of whom makes him feel the slightest bit of worth, instead of punishing himself for things out of his control, I shall continue to hope and pray that he will get by and make it through this difficult battle in his mind that seems to only tell him that he is not worthy of any bit of affectation or happiness. I often wonder – sometimes even fear – if or when one day he will abruptly ask me why it is that I still take him into both my home and embrace even when he speaks to me in such ways which leave me feeling frustrated and wondering why I bother in the first place… And I will have to finally admit that I wholeheartedly adore him more than he will ever know. 

Deborah Goren.’

She quietly closed the diary and pushed it under her bed this time before returning back under the sheets and hugging an arm around him again.

“More than you’ll ever know, Edmund.” She whispered, repeating the final words of her last diary entry against his cheek while lightly kissing it one final time before laying her head against his chest and closing her eyes.


	9. Dress (part two).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose has something to say, but Sargent Drake's heart is going to ache...

“Now, Jackson, as much as I could stay here all night and listen to you and your apparent endless knowledge of how this poor gent died, I must go and prepare myself for the evening ahead of me.” Drake raised his eyebrows, stubbing out his cigarette in the ash tray on the bench next to where Jackson was working before grabbing his coat from the back of the Dead Room door. 

“And what might that consist of, Sargent?” Jackson glanced over his shoulder, fighting to keep a playful smile off his lips. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know, Captain.” Drake squinted his eyes, reaching for his hat. 

“Perhaps a dinner date with Reid?” Jackson teased, lifting his cigarette to his lips. Drake rolled his eyes and offered him no reaction before walking out of the room and closing the door behind him. He smiled politely and waved goodnight to Sargent Atherton before making his way out of the building and heading in the direction to his house. 

From the moment he had last walked Rose home and bid her goodnight, he had been looking forward to this moment – just simply seeing her again. He so badly wanted to tell her how she made him feel, even when he was only thinking of her. She was like some comfort to his jaggered life and she didn’t even know. He longed for the day – the opportunity – to make her as happy as even just the thought of her made him. He repeatedly convinced himself he was nowhere near good enough for her, but he had gotten to the point where it was almost impossible to hold back his true feelings for any longer. What did he have to lose?

By the time he had reached home, it was 6:30pm. He was due to be at Tenter Street for 7:30pm, as they had previously arranged. This gave Drake enough time to freshen up and make himself look what he deemed as presentable. While straightening his collar in the small mirror, he heard a knock at the door. He groaned to himself for a brief moment, hoping it wasn’t Reid calling him back to work. Standing still for a moment, he studied the knock; it was gentle. If it was Reid it would’ve been louder, not quite as timid as the one he had just heard. He squinted his eyes and walked over to the door, clearing his throat before opening it. 

“M-Miss. Rose?” His tone was both confused yet pleasantly surprised, smiling. 

“Good evening, Bennet.” Rose smiled shyly. 

“Forgive me, Rose, do correct me if I am wrong, but I had belief that we were meeting at Tenter Street?” He raised his eyebrows, gazing down at her with a polite smile as he spoke again, “Though, I have opened my door to a less pleasing view than this one, I have to say.”

“T-Thank you. I have something that could wait no longer, may I come in?” She narrowed her eyebrows, Drake unaware that she was keeping one arm behind her back. 

“O-Of course.” Drake scowled slightly and stepped back to allow her inside, “What is the matter, girl?”

“B-Bennet…” Rose attempted to speak as the door closed behind them, falling silent for a few moments and briefly glancing down at her feet. 

“Miss. Rose?” Drake arched a brow as he studied her uneasy stance. 

“Bennet,” She tried again, “I can no longer continue to… String you along like this.”

“Like what?” Drake pouted his lips slightly, placing his hands on his hips. 

“Like your kind gestures, like your treats, like our evenings spent together… Like /this/.” She frowned.

“Rose… I do not understand. You do not ever ‘string me along’, it is of all my own doing and hoping that you enjoy the company provided as much as I do.” Drake shrugged, keeping his eyes on her. 

“It is wrong, Bennet.” Rose shook her head. 

“Us enjoying each other’s company is wrong?” Drake tilted his head. 

“No, Bennet. Me allowing myself to take advantage of your kind gestures.” Rose spoke quietly. 

“You never do anything of the sort, Miss.” Drake pursed his lips. 

“You are a very wonderful, honest… Genuine man, Bennet…” She swallowed hard, reaching for his hands with her free one as he obediently gave them to her. Drake remained silent as he glanced down at their hands briefly before back into her eyes. “And it is about time that I am honest with you.”

“Honest?” Drake blinked hard. 

“I cannot continue to meet you like this and have you think that one day it will lead to us…” She fought with herself to find the right words to say.

“Us…?” Drake gazed down at her in confusion. 

“/Us/.” Rose spoke in a slightly more blunt tone, briefly looking down at the floor again. 

“Rose, forgive me if this is not what you are getting at, but please understand that I do not wish to ever take advantage of /your/ kindness,” Drake squinted his eyes, looking around as if feeling like he was being watched, “It is not, and never has been, my intention to buy you into bed with nights out and fake emotions.” 

“I know that, Bennet. I know that better than anyone.” Rose sighed sadly, squeezing his hands before bringing her other one out from behind her back, “That is why I must return this…” She swallowed hard, not even able to look up at Drake as his face dropped in shock. 

“N-No, Rose… That is for you.” He spoke in a confused tone. 

“I know, and please don’t think me rude or disrespectful…” She dared herself to look back up at him again. 

“Never, girl.” Drake spoke softly, shaking his head. 

“But I cannot see how it is right that you spend your time and hard-earned money on such generous gestures for me when I cannot replicate the same toward you.” Rose frowned, keeping her sad eyes on him. 

“I do not ask of that, Rose.” Drake hesitantly took the dress from her, setting it on the table before turning back to her, “I do not do any of this in order to expect things from you. I love y… Y-Your company.” Rose watched him in silence as he spoke and nervously played with her fingers, breathing uneasily as she chewed her bottom lip. Drake exhaled shakily and pressed his lips together, pausing for a moment to gather some words together before speaking again, “Rose, look, I know I do not have the looks or lustrous, smooth ways as the likes of Captain Jackson, but…” 

“Bennet, stop.” Rose narrowed her eyebrows, gazing up at him with helpless eyes. 

“I- I know he often has… H-His way with you, he makes no effort to conceal that, but…” He swallowed hard, pausing for a moment as he dropped his head forward slightly, closing his eyes for a brief few seconds before daring himself to speak again, “J-Just tell me what it is you want me to be… And I will be just that.” He spoke in a defeated tone, looking into her eyes as he pushed his sweaty palms into his pockets. 

“Bennet, I…” Rose narrowed her eyebrows, her eyes trailing up and down his now visibly weary body, attempting to reach for his hands again. 

“I will be just that, Rose.” Drake’s voice broke, weakly taking her hands in his. 

“This is not fair on you, Bennet.” Rose pouted her lips, letting out a small sigh as she squeezed his hands. 

“Y-You… Create the only bit of light in my dimly lit life, Rose.” Drake took a shaky breath, biting his lip before speaking again, “You may look at me in a copper’s uniform and see me as a man that leads a good, happy… Proud life, but I can assure you, I do not. When I walk these streets of which I am employed to keep safe, I do not come home and feel satisfied with my day or pleased with myself that I am able to clock out of my shift as if I have had a successful day. Do you know why that is, Rose?” He asked, Rose remaining silent as she simply shook her head, “Because what is the use of being happy when I have nobody to come home to in order to share the happiness with? Happiness itself is just a phase to me that tends to come and go, however, happiness to share with another… That is what man strives for, is it not?” 

“This is why you deserve someone who is able to replicate the love and dedication that you show to others.” Rose swallowed hard, trying to stop herself from tearing up. “You are a respectable Sargent; I dread to think what being seen with me would do to your reputation.”

“I do not care what anyone thinks. All that matters in my mind is that you lead a happy life and enjoy the time we spend together. Anything other than that, as long as you are not in danger, is no business of mine.” He swallowed hard, looking down at her once more, “I know I am not deserving of your love, Rose, but I will do anything and everything within my power to earn it…” He inhaled shakily, “Who am I trying to kid… After all, what man can make another happy when he is not yet happy with himself?” He raised his eyebrows, keeping a straight face, “What I’m trying to say is… Your happiness is the one of which I would like to share, Rose.” He bit the inside of his cheek, blinking hard. 

“I know I am not able to give you that, Bennet. Not because you don’t deserve mine, but because it would be unfair on you to even try. Trust me when I say it would be better if we were to end this false hope now before it goes too far. I think the world of you… And I wish no longer to hurt you or lead you on.” Rose gazed up at him, lightly stroking the backs of his hands with her thumbs. The Sargent’s heart sank as her words rang through him, trying to convince himself that he hadn’t heard correctly. “I’m sorry, Bennet. I should go.”

“I will treat you like a Princess, a Queen, as you deserve! I will not rest until every one of your needs are met and that I know you are happy and content… I will keep you safe from these horrific streets in which we inhabit ourselves in… I- I will…” He pleaded, only stopping when Rose tugged on his hands gently. 

“Bennet… Stop. You’re only torturing yourself. It just cannot be.” She let go of one of his hands to try and discreetly wipe just below her eye. “Forgive me, Bennet. I wish not to cause you any more pain than I already have.”

“Wh… What do you want me to be, Rose?” Drake attempted to blink the heaviness out of his eyes as Rose turned away, now letting go of his other hand. 

“Happy, Bennet.” She looked over her shoulder, “I want you to be happy.”

“And now you shall walk away knowing that, that all stems from you, Miss. Rose?” Drake raised his eyebrows, his lips now tightly pressed together as his bottom one threatened to quiver while their eyes met once more. Rose exhaled quietly and closed her eyes for a brief moment, almost able to hear Drake’s heart shattering more by the second. 

“Bennet, you should know you can still call upon me as your friend. These twisted streets promise nothing other than it being impossible to stay away from one another for long. Plus, with your work at the station and with The Captain, it will not be long before we find ourselves within each other’s paths again. I do not wish for any coldness between us.” Rose narrowed her eyebrows, looking up at him as she swallowed hard. Drake remained silent and hesitantly nodded, “This is for the best, Bennet, I promise you. Please believe me when I say I am sorry.”

Drake stared into silence as he tried his best to come to terms with what Rose had just said. He had already told himself that he wasn’t good enough for her, but he never thought he would feel this incomplete hearing it from the woman herself, the woman whom he adored so… That was a pain so destructive to him, he didn’t even think was possible to feel. He pressed his lips harder together, battling inside his mind for what to say or whether to even say anything at all. Rose swallowed hard and attempted to soothingly rub her thumbs over the backs of his hands again, looking up at him in desperation for him to speak. 

“Bennet… Please speak and understand that I am sorry.” She frowned, blinking hard. 

“You are right, Rose.” Drake’s lip twitched, exhaling slowly before speaking again, “It was foolish of me to think I even had such a chance of you living in my protection. Perhaps karma of me being violent toward men of whom H Division need the truth out of has caught up on me and these hands do not deserve to feel anything soft and tender.”

“This is not what I am saying, Bennet, listen to me… Please.” Rose shook her head, feeling herself gasp quietly as Drake removed his hands from hers. 

“I do not want to take up any more of your time, Miss. Rose. Please share it with someone who is more deserving.” He inhaled shakily, slipping his hands into his pockets while trying his best to hold himself together. 

“Bennet…” Rose practically whispered out her words. 

“I am not that man, Rose.” He simply shook his head in defeat. Rose pouted her lips sadly, unsure of whether she could say anything to make things better now. Instead, she walked toward the door before looking back at him once more. 

“I really do mean it when I say I do hope you will still call upon me as your friend, Bennet.” She swallowed the lump in her throat when she only received a hesitant nod from in response. Inhaling uneasily, she looked him up and down one last time before walking out of the door and gently closing it behind her. 

Not for the first time, Drake found himself yet again alone. He blankly looked around the room until his eyes were met with the dress again and bit the inside of his lip harshly, feeling his eyes threatening to fill again. Shakily, he reached a hand forward and picked it up, feeling his fingers trembling against the material as he tried to avert his eyes. He walked with it securely in his arms back toward his wardrobe before carefully hanging it back up. His initial reaction to Rose leaving tonight and then handing the dress back was to be angry, not toward her, but to himself. Anger was sometimes something he found hard to contain toward himself or anyone at the end of his sleeve-rolled up fist, but the moment his fingers felt the soft material and the memories of Rose wearing it during the last night out they shared came flooding back, the anger gradually drained from his body. He cursed himself for how he had reacted, even knowing himself that he did not raise his voice or intentionally upset her; he was just always looking for ways to blame himself. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, that he did not want her to feel as if she owed him anything or that she should feel any guilt. Once hanging almost proudly in his wardrobe, Drake took a step back with his hands on his hips and gazed directly toward it. Paranoia that someone could see him admiring the memory of the girl he loved so dearly crossed his mind, questioning whether he should fold the dress and put it somewhere he couldn’t see it, fearing that it would only make him hurt more and more with each time he caught sight of it. Hesitantly, he reached his hands forward to do so, only to feel as if there was something physically preventing him. His arms dropped by his sides again and, wiping a single tear from his puffed cheek, he forced himself to walk away, leaving Rose’s dress hanging lifeless in his wardrobe carrying what now seemed to be a distant memory of the times together they both shared.


	10. Without It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for this rollercoaster of a chapter...
> 
> Miss. Goren confronting Reid... Reid confronting Emily... Drake being approached by Miss. Goren... Reid... Taking Jackson's advice, perhaps?

Throughout the weeks since Inspector Reid had last spent the night with Miss. Goren, his head continued to be in and out of haze. Each night he went home to his wife, things were becoming more and more emotionless. What their life was before their loss of their daughter was now a blur – made even worse by not having a certain answer as to whether they would ever see her again. There was hardly anything between them anymore; Reid kept to his work and Emily kept to her church. Barely even sharing conversation anymore, let alone each other’s embrace. By the time Edmund was home, Emily would be in bed; laid on her side with her back facing the middle. He would get changed into his nightclothes, pull back the bed sheets and crawl in beside her, spending what felt like hours staring at the ceiling before rolling over himself so they were facing away from each other. He would wake earlier than her and get ready for work, now genuinely fearing what her reaction would be if he even suggested at a good morning kiss. He knew their marriage was going down a dark hole, and he knew that she also shared the same thought… It was them admitting it to one another that proved the problem. Each time Edmund would even so much as hint about talking to her regarding them or their daughter, she would immediately shut him down. That is why he so often he ended up at Miss. Goren’s… Someone who would listen… Over and over and over again. 

As the Inspector made his way down the street, thoughts of the conversation that was to come was going back and forth in his head. He knew it was only right that he visited, but it didn’t make him feel any less nervous. The secrets and confessions he had shared with Miss. Goren were still fresh in his mind, along with the nights they shared together that followed. He saw the way she looked at him; the genuine care in her eyes met with her reassuring touch. He was slowly becoming aware that he was leading her down a path of which he was highly unsure he would be standing at the end of. Something about the last time they spent the night together was different. Reid wasn’t sure whether he was worried that Miss. Goren thought he only turned up at her doorstep with the intention of sharing a bed or whether he was scared for himself and his own feelings toward her. Either way, he knew it was time to be honest with her. Inhaling shakily, he knocked on the orphanage door. 

“Edmund?” Miss. Goren scowled slightly once opening the door, her lips slowly curving up into a smile as she discreetly looked him up and down, “To what do I owe the pleasure this early in the morning?”

“D-Deborah…” Reid nodded, smiling timidly as he removed his hat, holding it in front of him, “May I come in? There are several things I feel need to be said.” 

“Of course, Inspector,” She stepped back with a kind smile, allowing him to step inside, “Business or personal?” She asked, closing the door behind him. 

“Personal.” He responded after pausing for a moment.

“Oh…” Miss. Goren raised her eyebrows slightly and lead them through the hallway, toward the kitchen. 

“I do hope that I have not interrupted your morning routine with the children.” Reid blinked hard. 

“Not at all, Edmund,” She shook her head, “Would you like some tea?” 

“No, no, thank you.” He also shook his head, “Then, I hope it wouldn’t be too much of an inconvenience if I were to ask you if we were able to speak… Away from the children.” 

“N-Not a problem at all, Edmund…” She scowled in confusion for a brief moment before walking toward the hallway again. Reid inhaled uneasily as they passed the classroom; visions of the last night they had spent in there flashing in his mind. Miss. Goren pushed open the door of the next room which appeared like a sitting room – a singular, large chair next to a coffee table. There were a couple of bookshelves which only came up to his waist with lit candles upon the top of them – the room received no natural daylight so it would appear that they were the only way of light. Reid’s eyes trailed along them as he looked around the room, spotting a candle placed on the coffee table, too.

“This is a nice room, Miss. Goren.” Reid arched a brow, toying with how to start what he actually wanted to say to her. 

“There is little, if any, sunlight in here, so I decorated the room with candles,” Miss. Goren shrugged with a small smile, “When you just want to take yourself away for a little while, the books with the candles, it makes for a wonderful ambiance whilst reading in the evening.”

“You enjoy reading, Miss. Goren?” Reid tilted his head, his eyes scanning along the books to see if there were any titles which he recognised. 

“Well, one is allowed to fall into a book after a long day and put themselves in the character’s shoes, are they not, Inspector?” She crossed her arms across her chest. 

“And what story is that?” Reid shifted his eyes back to hers.

“Crime, mystery…” She narrowed her eyes slightly, shrugging, “Romance.”

“Which one do you favour?” He asked, still avoiding even beginning to say what he had come here to speak to her about.

“If you really must know, Edmund... I cannot deny that there have been times where I have sat in that very chair reading a wonderful fairy tale and dreamed it was me and…” She paused, tilting her head to the side slightly as she studied his intrigued arched eyebrow. She bit her lip for a moment to hide a smile before shaking her head, “Anyway, Edmund, I highly doubt it is my reading habits of which you have come to discuss…”

“A-Ah, yes…” Reid cleared his throat, tightening the grip on his hat which was still held in front of him. 

“Are you going to tell me?” She scowled slightly, watching him as his fingers twitched against the rim of his hat, “Or have you come here just to complement my reading room?”

“Perhaps not so much the room is of importance, more what I had planned to happen within it.” Reid spoke in a flat tone. 

“Inspector Reid…” Miss. Goren gasped playfully, stepping closer to him while discreetly licking her lips, “You don’t usually so blatantly admit that /that/ is what you’re wanting…” She smirked, trailing her eyes up from his nervous hands to his face. 

“O-Oh, no,” He shook his head after finally understanding what she was getting at, “That is not what I was insinuating, Miss. Goren. Forgive me, it is never what I only think of you as, you must understand.”

“Understand what, Edmund?” She narrowed her eyebrows. 

“This… Situation between you and I, Deborah…” He inhaled shakily, parting his lips to speak before Miss. Goren cut him off. 

“This situation, Edmund…” She glanced down at her feet for a brief moment, “I have to admit, I am glad of your visit today.”

“You are?” Reid raised his eyebrows, pursing his lips slightly, “How so?”

“It is like a mountain that’s been waiting on my conscience, this matter of events of which we seem to have gotten ourselves involved in…” She swallowed hard, Reid remaining silent, “I tried to express my feelings toward it last time you were here, but… Things got a little intense rather fast… N-Not that I regret a thing!” 

“Express your feelings?” He squinted his eyes slightly, not commenting on her other words that followed.

“Yes, Edmund, I told you I needed more than just a night of desperate intimacy between the two of us.” She felt her cheeks starting to turn pink. Reid fell silent again. “And, yet… Where did we end up? Exhausted in one another’s arms once again.”

“I-It is never my inte-…” Reid began.

“So you keep saying, Edmund.” Miss. Goren snapped, sighing under her breath, “And, as I am trying to explain to you, I need more than that.” She swallowed hard, “You cannot simply expect me to share these intimate moments with you after knowing we are the only people who open up to each other, and not develop… Feelings.” Her last word came out almost silently. 

“I… Have a wife, Deborah,” Reid swallowed hard, “A family. Well, I /had/ a family, at least. Now I am not so sure.”

“And, yet, is is my shoulder of which you come crying on. My doorstep of which you turn up on. My bed of which you end up sleeping in.” She looked up at him, chewing her bottom lip, “And what do I get out of this, hm? One night once in a blue moon with the man whom I adore and then off he goes… Leaving me wondering when I will next see him again.”

“Miss. Goren, you are but the only person who I trust with all my inner thoughts and daemons… But I have to admit, I cannot give you what it is you deserve.” He frowned, his nervous expression now fading into a despairing one. 

“Edmund, forgive me for being so abrupt, but this is killing me,” She inhaled uneasily, shaking her head, “If we are unable to proceed with this honestly, then I ask you to please return to me what it is you continue to tear apart each time we meet and then go our separate ways as if there is no flame but that of a candle between us.” 

“Deborah, if it is hurt that you feel thanks to our encounters, then I wish for you to be hurt no longer.” Reid spoke timidly. 

“And how do you suppose to do that?” She asked, gazing up at him. 

“By no longer turning up at your door to bring my own pain into your life.” His eyes diverted from hers for a moment before looking back at her, “And please do not think this is me trying to make you feel bad, it is more that I know you do not deserve to feel as such. I bring my own troubles to your door and offer nothing in return, I must come to terms with the fact that, that is not acceptable.”

“Edmund, no, you are not understanding…” She shook her head helplessly, sighing, “It is not you turning up at my door which causes me pain, it is the moment you leave; the moment where I start to wonder when or if I will ever see you again.”

“But if I were to never be at your door in the first place, then you would never have the concern of if I would show again.” Reid pursed his lips. 

“Forgive me, but it will not do, Edmund. This situation between the two of us, I…” She let out a shaky breath, pausing for a moment before speaking again, “I fear that I am getting much too used to being held by you.” She admitted, chewing her bottom lip nervously. 

“You… I- I cannot… Be that man.” Reid frowned, swallowing hard. 

“You know, Edmund, I thought that, perhaps, one day… You may realise how unhappy you are and the change in you when you visit my home… I even thought that the reason why you seemed to be at my door so often is that you noticed that shift in your emotions, too… That you, too, felt something.” She spoke quietly, letting out a half-hearted laugh. 

“I- I do notice the change in me, Deborah, that is why I do come to you,” Reid narrowed his eyebrows, “But you are the last person who I intend to upset or feel as if they are being used and given nothing back in return.”

“You do not make me feel used, Edmund… You do not understand what I am trying to get at…” She covered her face briefly, letting out a small groan into her hand.

“Then, help me understand!” Reid spoke louder than before, reaching for the hand that was covering her face and taking it in his own, gazing down at her as he spoke in a softer tone, “H-Help me understand, Deborah…”

“Oh, Edmund…” She sighed sadly, trying not to make it obvious how shocked she was that he had taken her hand and brushing off the fact that he had just risen his voice toward her, “Every day I ask myself, ‘am I just beginning to get so used to something that I have created in my mind?’” 

“It is not just in your mind…” Reid shook his head, “And nor do I want your pain or hurt – pain or hurt that /I/ cause, especially – to continue.”

“Edmund, if you’re giving up, perhaps you should just admit it and say so.” Miss. Goren lifted her free hand, brushing the back of her index finger underneath her eye. 

“I had intended to speak with you today before speaking to my wi-…” Reid began. 

“If we are not enough, simply tell me, Edmund.” She narrowed her eyebrows, daring herself to look up at him again. 

“Please, Deborah, I beg of you, do not ever put yourself down and say you are not enough.” Reid shook his head. 

“Is that so, Inspector? Because, to me, it seems that no matter how much I give, it is not enough…” She gazed up at him, her next sentence being quieter, “But, I guess, regardless… I am still holding onto you and the hope that maybe, one day…” She bit the inside of her cheek, unable to even finish the sentence. 

“One day…?” Reid arched a brow. 

“What does it matter, Edmund? Before I know it, you will be gone again.” She sighed with a defeated shrug, “Perhaps we will both be better off without it.” 

“Without it?” Reid tilted his head. 

“Me and you. Us. This little state of – quite literally – affairs we have gotten ourselves involved in.” She looked up at him with a blank expression. 

“Deborah, I do not believe that there can possibly be anything betwe-…” He tried his best to sound convincing. 

“The nights we have shared together, whether it involved sharing a bed or not, you cannot tell me that it has meant nothing. You cannot stand here and tell me that, I will not believe it!” She raised her voice slightly, making Reid widen his eyes, “I saw the way you looked at me the last time we spent the night, I saw a look in your eyes that I had never seen before. It was real, Edmund, and you are fighting everything within you in order to not admit as such!”

“I need to speak with my wife!” He narrowed his eyebrows, exhaling uneasily as he tried his best to pretend that everything she was saying was not true. 

“Go speak with her, Edmund. Continue to be unhappy, but do not be shocked if you notice those around you being cold, also…” She blinked hard, gazing down at the floor. 

“I do not think there is another as cold as Emily.” Reid frowned, also avoiding eye contact. 

“Then, why must you put yourself through this time and time again?!” She looked up at him in despair, swallowing hard. 

“Because I have a family that I need to look after! A family of which I have failed!” He sighed loudly, tightening his grip on his hat before placing it on the coffee table. “I… Had a family.” He mumbled under his breath. 

“And now it is me who you use as a net to catch all of your guilt?!” She widened her eyes. 

“I never said that was so!” Reid immediately shook his head. 

“Then, what are we, Edmund?!” Her voice was even louder this time, “Tell me, how would you describe you and I?!”

“I do not know, Deborah!” He groaned, shaking his head before covering his face with one of his hands, speaking into it, “I do not know…” He let out a heavy breath. Miss. Goren flickered her eyes back up to look at him again, feeling all of the frustration drain from her body when she caught a glimpse of his uneasy, practically defeated expression once removing his hand.

“I have to say, Edmund, it is not usually following an argument why you and I end up out of breath in each other’s company…” She blinked hard, “I did not wish to raise you to anger. I apologise.”

“It is me who should apologise, Miss. Goren, for it is me who inconveniences you time and time again and brings my bothers to your door.” He exhaled deeply and slowly, rubbing his fingertips against his forehead. 

“Edmund…” She narrowed her eyebrows and reached for both of his hands, gently caressing her thumbs against the back of them as they came closer to each other. 

“I am so sorry, Deborah…” He whispered, glancing down at their hands before looking back up at her again. 

“I must know, Edmund…” She took an uneasy breath, squeezing his hands, “Do you… Come to me because you see me in your future, or do you just hate being alone?” She asked quietly, watching as Reid’s eye contact diverted once more, “Is the truth that, in fact, you are hiding these emotions that you feel?”

“D-Deborah…” Reid sighed sadly, trying to blink the heaviness out of his eyes, “I suggest you remove your gentle, kind hands and… Forget the encounters between you and I ever happened. You deserve nothing but happiness and security, and I cannot provide you with either of those.”

“Why must you be so cold toward yourself, Edmund?” She let go of his hands and slid her fingers up the lapels of his blazer, caressing the material slowly as she trailed her eyes up to his again. 

“W-Why do you accept my coldness time and time again? It is not deserved…” He spoke quietly as he looked down in shame. 

“Do you not think I go through that in my mind each time you are at my door?” She raised her eyebrows, her fingertips still kneading his blazer. The Inspector fell silent once more. “Not because I feel you are undeserving of a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on…”

“Th-Then why, Miss. Goren?” Reid dared himself to ask, still avoiding eye contact. 

“Because, Edmund…” She took a deep breath, “If I go ahead with allowing you inside my home… I won’t want you to go home.” She trailed her eyes from where her hands were now grasped lightly onto the lapels of his blazer up into his eyes, swallowing hard. Reid parted his lips and allowed an uneasy breath to escape them, unsure of what to do with his hands that were now starting to anxiously tremble at either side of him, not even being able to bring himself to speak. “Every time you told me you enjoy my company and our time together… Every little lie, Edmund… It gives me butterflies.” 

“I-It is not a lie, Deborah…” Reid spoke uneasily, swallowing hard before allowing himself to speak again, “It never has been a lie.” He shook his head, briefly gazing into her eyes. 

“/We/ have never been a lie to you, Edmund?” Miss. Goren raised her eyebrows, feeling her heart beat faster from just the thought. 

“No…” He spoke almost inaudibly. 

“Somewhere in my mind, I can picture happiness for you and I…” Miss. Goren’s lips threatened to curve up into a smile, “I have yet to admit this, but… I often sit in this very room, Edmund, and I dream of that life.” She whispered, their eyes now meeting. 

“I- I am so sorry, Deborah…” Reid narrowed his eyebrows, tilting his head down as Miss. Goren raised one of her hands, gently brushing the back of her fingers against his cheek before tracing her index finger from his sideburn down to the outline of his jaw as Reid’s eyes fell shut, “S-So sorry… It should have never come to this.”

“Shh, Edmund…” Miss. Goren whispered softly, bringing her finger now to his lips and silencing him, “I do not wish for you to feel bad or ask for your apology… All I ask is that you stop denying yourself the happiness that you deserve. Do not get addicted to escaping.” She inhaled shakily, swallowing the lump in her throat – deep down she knew the life she so desperately longed for between herself and The Inspector was impossibly far out of reach. Reid slowly opened his eyes and hesitantly nodded, placing his hands on her hips and gazing down at her, remaining quiet for several seconds. 

“I- I do not hope that you hold this against me,” He finally spoke, “Though, I do know it would be foolish of me to expect you not to.”

“Oh, Edmund…” She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to cover up the fact that her eyes were growing teary, “You know my lips are all I can hold against you.” She whispered, gazing directly into his eyes and gasping slightly as he lifted one of his hands from her hips to cup her cheek. 

“You…” He paused, brushing his thumb over her cheek for a few moments, “I don’t believe there are enough stars in the sky to match with the amount of love and respect you deserve.” He spoke lowly, both of them glancing down at each other’s lips for a moment before their eyes. 

“You deserve just as much, Edmund.” She narrowed her eyebrows, her fingers now gently brushing a loose strand of hair that had fallen over his forehead, “I just wish you could see it as so.”

“Deborah, I…” He squeaked, feeling himself threatening to start helplessly sinking back into her arms again. He licked his lips absentmindedly, knowing he wanted nothing more than to feel her hold her lips against him. Miss. Goren lifted both of her arms and hooked them around his neck, inhaling shakily as she stood up on her tip toes. Their bodies just inches apart from one another, he placed his hands back on her waist and tilted his head down. The moment their foreheads touched against each other, they inhaled deeply in unison, wanting to keep the peaceful moment for as long as possible. It was as if they could tell exactly what the other was thinking without even muttering a word or signalling a gesture – yet neither blatantly admitting as so. As they stood there in the flickering candlelit room, their foreheads rested against each other’s, it was almost as if the sound of their in sync beating hearts could be heard bouncing off the walls. Then, as if on cue together, both of their eyes opened and they gazed at one another in silence, then at their lips, then their eyes falling shut once more. “I- I can’t…” Reid stuttered out his words, feeling his hands beginning to tremble against her waist.

“It’s okay, Edmund…” Miss. Goren whispered soothingly, pulling back and tilting her head upward to press a gentle kiss to his forehead, repeating herself, “It’s okay.” She brushed her lips against his forehead once more before pulling back completely and looking up at him with a precarious smile as she blinked back the tears threatening to break free. As Reid, too, lifted his head back into its normal position, she noticed his eyes were also a mirror image of her red, puffy ones, “I will simply say this; go as you wish and only promise me one thing – that you will be happy.”

“I… I cannot promise that you and I shall run away together, Deborah, but I must speak with my wife…” He narrowed his eyebrows, his arms now remaining by his sides, “I do not intend for this to be the end of us, friendship or… As brief intimate acquaintances…” 

“Wh…Where does that leave me, Inspector?” She asked in a weary tone, unable to take her eyes off him. Reid remained quiet, unable to even think of a response to her question, “Edmund?” She whispered, cupping his face in both of her hands and gazing up into his eyes. 

“Forgive me, Miss. Goren, but there are some questions I do not think that I am able to answer.” He admitted sheepishly. 

“Surely you are the only person who can know, Edmund?” She looked up at him with a confused expression. 

“I do not want to promise you one thing and then go back on my word, Deborah.” He frowned, narrowing his eyebrows. 

“I know…” She exhaled sadly, pressing her lips together as she glanced down briefly, “I know.” She patted her hands against his shoulders before running her hands along them gently. 

“Please accept my apologies if I have imposed upon your house in an unpleasant manor, Miss. Goren.” Reid cleared his throat, feeling his breathing pattern shift slightly from the feeling of her gentle fingers working along his tense shoulders, “I shall leave you and your home in peace.”

“You have not, and never do, enter my house in an unpleasant manor, Edmund,” She shook her head, sliding her hands down his arms before resting them by her sides, “I can but only hope that, one day, you return.”

“I- I hope, also… Before the week is out,” Reid narrowed his eyebrows, reaching for her hands and squeezing them gently as he gazed down into her eyes, “For now, I can solely apologise and be on my way.”

“If that is the way it must be, Edmund.” She inhaled shakily, glancing down at their hands before averting her eyes to his lips as they edged ever so slightly closer to each other. Reid bit the inside of his cheek and tilted his head down slightly, the urges between the both of them now almost blatantly visible as the sensual tension raised within the room.

“It is.” Reid nodded uneasily, shaking – or more forcing – himself out of his trance. Miss. Goren nodded in response, hiding the tears threatening to break free, and lifted his knuckles to her lips to brush against them with one final kiss before walking them both toward the door and back out of the small room. Reid followed closely behind and placed his hat back on his head as they approached the door to leave her orphanage.

“To London, they may only see an Inspector, but, to me, you are London – Whitechapel…” She narrowed her eyebrows, smiling proudly at him as she opened the door for him, unable to take her eyes off him as he stepped outside, “H Division needs you. Whitechapel needs you. You /are/ Whitechapel, Edmund.” 

“I believe there have been better days before now that appear lost too far in the past where that comment would have been a wonderful complement, Deborah.” Reid attempted to joke. 

“Forgive me for any doubt, but it is deemed as a complement.” Miss. Goren pouted her lips. 

“Thank you,” He sighed quietly, trying to smile and holding his hands one over the other in front of him, “Goodbye, Miss. Goren.” His tone was unsure, gazing up at her as she remained stood in the doorway of where they had met god-knows how many times before. 

“Goodbye, Edmund.” She swallowed hard, taking a deep breath as she watched him turn around and make his way back toward Leman Street. She desperately tried to conceal the emotions she felt toward The Inspector – feeling he had enough on his plate to deal with without her constant declarations of love and lust toward him. However, as she stepped back into her small reading room and blew out the candles she had previously lit, she couldn’t help but feel as if it was as though she was also, in turn, blowing out any chance of having a happy, content life she so hopelessly longed for with Inspector Edmund Reid. 

-

Though everything in him pulled him back toward Miss. Goren, Inspector Reid forced his footsteps toward The Station. He nodded politely at Sargent Atherton and arched a brow at Drake leaning against the front desk with a slightly despairing expression. 

“Mr. Reid.” Drake looked up from the front desk at toward Reid. 

“Sargent Drake.” Reid cleared his throat, noticing that Drake’s tone was slightly more off than his usual, jolly one. 

“Everything alright, Inspector?” Drake tilted his head, now standing up straight. Reid simply nodded and shook off The Sargent’s concern. 

“Yourself, Sargent?” He arched a brow when he noticed Don flash a subtle worried look surrounding Drake. 

“It is not a matter of which I feel comfortable to discuss, Sir.” Drake narrowed his eyebrows, leaving the three of them in a few moments silence. 

“I see, as you wish.” Reid cleared his throat, “Has the American managed to drag himself from a poor lady’s bed?”

“Shockingly, he has, Mr. Reid.” Drake widened his eyes, looking toward the Dead Room before back at the Inspector, “Shall we get about our work?”

“Indeed.” Reid nodded and gestured toward the Dead Room, sighing softly to himself when he heard Drake’s obedient footsteps following close behind. He pushed the door open and stepped inside, holding it open for Drake also. 

“Did your mother never teach you to knock, Reid?” Jackson spoke against the cigarette hanging between his lips, keeping his face turned toward the open corpse on the table. 

“Did your mother never teach you how to be loyal to your wife?” Drake butted in before Reid even had a chance to respond. 

“That’s a bit of a bold thing to say stood next to Reid here.” Jackson removed the cigarette from his lips to exhale the smoke, laughing under his breath. 

“Mr. Reid is-…” Drake began, flaring his nostrills. 

“What, also fooling around behind his dearly beloved’s back?” Jackson finally looked up, arching a brow. 

“Jackson…” Drake clenched his jaw, stepping forward slightly. 

“No, no, there is no need, Bennet.” Reid shook his head, extending his arm out slightly in front of Drake before turning his attention to Jackson, “Are the results as we thought, Captain?”

“Results?” Jackson scoffed, “I have been here a grand total of fifteen minutes.”

“You just make yourself out to be a very fast know-it-all.” Reid shrugged, trying to maintain control over his cocky attitude. 

“I am a human, Reid, not a god-damn machine.” Jackson rolled his eyes, placing the cigarette back between his lips and taking a drag before speaking with a smirk as he exhaled the smoke, “Though, ask any woman within a ten-mile radius, and they may tell you otherwise.” 

“Do you say ‘ten-mile radius’ because that is how far they run after such affairs?” Drake asked, his lip threatening to quiver into a snigger. 

“I see you have brought a comedian to work with you this morning, Mr. Reid.” Jackson rolled his eyes once more, setting one of his scalpels on the table, “It makes a change to the glum face Sargent Atherton and I were met with this morning.” He mumbled under his breath, placing the cigarette back between his lips. 

“As I say, Jackson, that is no concern of yours.” Drake scowled. 

“A concern of mine, however.” Reid looked over at him. 

“How so, Mr. Reid?” Drake arched a brow. 

“How can I expect a successful day’s work from you when you are unhappy?” Reid asked. 

“When you are able to tell me what it is that makes a man feel so much for someone who believes that they are unable to give it in return, then perhaps I could maybe make a start on telling you what it is that leaves me as the American would express as ‘glum’.” Drake sighed under his breath, glancing down at his feet. 

“And there’s me thinking you once said that this shitty world had produced you a flower, Drake…” Jackson squinted his eyes, continuing to taunt him as he tapped the ash off the end of his cigarette, “A rose, if I am not mistaken.”

“Flowers famously do not last long, Jackson…” Drake shrugged, “The scent of them just linger.” 

“You and Miss. Rose are no longer… Friends?” Reid dared himself to ask, inhaling deeply. 

“Forgive me, Mr. Reid, but I have said that I wish not to talk of it.” Drake chewed the inside of his lip, blinking hard, “Do not think of me abrupt.” 

“As you wish.” Reid squinted his eyes slightly and nodded, pausing for a moment before turning to Jackson, “The lady’s wounds, are you able to tell us which weapon may have been used to create such a gauge within her skin?”

“Not quite.” Jackson shook his head, “I can tell you that, whatever it was, it punctured the skin more than just the one, fatal blow.” Jackson raised his eyebrows, gesturing toward the woman’s body, “See here? That is much too deep for it to have been one strike.”

“So, what you’re saying is, whatever was used to cause her death, in order for it to have been the cause of her death, it must have been used more than once?” Reid asked, glancing down at the body before back at Jackson, “Up and down in repeated motions, perhaps?” 

“Yes.” Jackson placed a new cigarette between his lips and lit it, exhaling the smoke as he spoke with a smug, hardly discreet grin, “Just like Rose.” 

“Sargent Drake!” Reid widened his eyes with a gasp, stepping in front of Drake when he moved himself forward with a raised fist. 

“You heard the Inspector, Drake. I already have one dead body to examine… Let’s not make it two, huh?” Jackson looked up at him, not even flinching from Drake’s threat. 

“Do not push your luck, Jackson.” Drake flared his nostrils, flattening his suit down with his hands as he inhaled deeply. 

“This morning has been a day I would like to forget already, let us not make it worse by me having to tear you two apart every two minutes!” Reid raised his voice and sighed, clearing his throat. 

“This morning? You’ve only just got here.” Jackson scowled, looking up at him. 

“You speak as if this is the only place I spend my time.” Reid responded flatly. 

“Trouble with Mrs. Reid?” Jackson asked, picking up his scalpel as he returned his attention back to the body laid on the table.

“How many times does it have to be said that Mr. Reid’s personal life is none of your concern, Jackson?” Drake folded his arms across his chest. 

“Thank you, Bennet.” Reid nodded politely, “It was not Emily of whom I chose to spend my morning with, however.”

“Ah… You were with Miss. G… Your fancy woman.” Jackson smirked, keeping his head toward the corpse. 

“I wish for you not to call her that, Jackson.” Reid shook his head. 

“Did you go see her again, Edmund?” Drake asked, turning to face him with a slightly shocked expression. 

“I did… I- I… Had to.” Reid swallowed hard, chewing his bottom lip nervously as he thought back on his previous conversation with Miss. Goren. 

“So, what?” Jackson scowled and shrugged, “You spent the night with her again? That’s nothing shocking anymore.”

“I did not spend the night with her, Jackson, we just… Spoke.” Reid looked over at Jackson with a glare. 

“About what?” Drake arched a brow, quickly blinking hard as he stuttered, “Th-That is none of my business, Edmund. I apologise.”

“No, no,” Reid shook his head, waving off Drake’s regret of asking his question, “We spoke about her and I… Going forward.”

“And is there going to be a… You and Miss. Goren going forward?” Drake asked quietly, raising his eyebrows.

“I am not one hundred percent confident there will be, no.” Reid shook his head, speaking timidly. 

“And why is that?” Drake narrowed his eyebrows. 

“I cannot continue to break her heart.” Reid swallowed hard, looking down at his feet in shame. 

“And, so, in turn, you break your own heart instead by walking away from what you have been known to describe as your ‘only happiness’?” Drake tilted his head, keeping his eyes on Reid. 

“You’re telling me that you didn’t love her goodbye, Reid?” Jackson rolled his eyes, trying to stop himself from laughing. 

“I did not, Jackson.” Reid looked over at him, unimpressed by his comment. 

“And how do you expect me to believe that?!” Jackson scoffed and squinted his eyes, unconvinced. 

“Because it took absolutely every bit of strength within me not to do so!” Reid finally snapped, raising his voice. 

“You cannot continue to break her heart, and yet you still wish to keep contact with her?” Jackson scowled. 

“Perhaps I ought to write her a letter,” He spoke quietly, “I apologise again, explain to her that I think it would be wise that we should not continue to meet, regardless of the reason. That way, I would not have to see…”

“See her heart break right in front of you?” Jackson arched a brow, placing the cigarette back between his lips. Reid remained silent, only letting out a small sigh. “The way you look, I can tell you didn’t just go there to apologise.” 

“I understand that you do not wish to hurt Miss. Goren – no more than pain previously caused – but surely you, above us all, are aware that she warrants more than just some writing on a scrappy bit of paper,” Drake narrowed his eyebrows, watching Reid’s uncomfortable stance, “Show her a little mercy, Edmund. She deserves it.”

“If you are walking away from what you two have for good, say it to her face, Reid.” Jackson exhaled the smoke, “End it right.”

“Captain, are you forgetting that both Sergeant Drake and I know of your filthy habits behind your own wife’s back?!” Reid narrowed his eyes, “What on /earth/ do you think could possess me to take what I could not only describe as advice, but /orders/ from you?” 

“Edmund…” Drake narrowed his eyebrows with a frown, looking over at Reid. 

“What, Bennet?” Reid spoke in a slightly snappier tone, swallowing hard as he let out a heavy breath. 

“Have you told your Emily?” Drake dared himself to ask, his lip twitching nervously in anticipation from Reid’s answer. 

“That… Is currently the conversation I am battling with myself for how to start.” Reid swallowed hard, looking around the room nervously. 

“Now that you and Miss. Goren appear to be at an end, I can only imagine that, that is so you are able to patch things together with Mrs. Reid.” Drake arched a brow.

“I have told Deborah that I must speak with my wife, Bennet,” Reid glanced over at him,   
“That is how we left it.”

“I can’t help but wondering, Reid…” Jackson cleared his throat, looking up from his work as he caught Reid’s attention, “How is leaving Miss. Goren hanging like that not continuing to break her heart?” 

“Do I question the things you do, Jackson?” Reid snapped yet again, avoiding answering the question. 

“Well, actually, ye-…” Jackson began. 

“You may appear to have a woman at your bed rather frequently, but not breaking a woman’s heart is also a skill even you still have yet to master, Captain.” He glared at him. 

“You will see her again, though?” Drake pouted his lips, studying the Inspector closely as he remained silent, “Edmund?”

“I… Told her I would see her again, yes.” Reid exhaled shakily. 

“I am relieved to hear that.” Drake attempted to smile. 

“Why is that, Bennet?” Reid looked back at him. 

“Because of the apparent affect she has on you,” Drake shrugged, “It would seem as if you appear lost otherwise.” 

“I am not entirely sure I would like to be found.” Reid’s gaze shifted back to his feet, “Nor that I deserve to do so, either.”

“Being unfaithful to your wife is not the correct way to go about unhappiness, Edmund, and you have addressed that – but only with yourself. You must address it with Mrs. Reid.” He narrowed his eyebrows, feeling his heart skip slightly when he heard himself giving Reid orders, quickly stuttering out his words, “I- Is my advice, Mr. Reid. Forgive me for suggesting what you should or shouldn’t do.” 

“No, no,” Reid shook his head, lifting his arm slightly, “I do not need your apologies, Sargent. It is me who should be sorry for allowing this to affect our day of work.”

“If it is so clear to Jackson and I, the impact that woman has on you, then you must also feel it yourself.” Drake narrowed his eyebrows, looking up at Reid. 

“I do not wish to sound rude, Bennet, but why do you insist on seeing such positivity in me and Miss. Goren?” Reid squinted his eyes inquisitively, turning to face Drake once more. 

“Because I know how it feels,” Drake chewed the inside of his lip for a few moments before continuing to speak, “To long for someone and feel as if everything life throws at you is preventing all that you want to happen. I do feel for Mrs. Reid, I really do, and fooling around behind her back is the worst way in which a husband can break his wife’s trust, but if she evidently cannot make you happy and you in turn with her… The relationship you have developed with Miss. Goren, that is something you are able to fall back on. Not everyone is that lucky to find such companionship.”

“I am struggling to see what optimism you have out of this.” Reid responded bluntly. 

“Drake has a point,” Jackson dabbed the ash off the end of his cigarette, “You said it yourself, Reid, you and Miss. Goren go much further than sneaky encounters behind closed doors.” 

“Feelings, Edmund. How she feels toward you, how she looks at you… You can just tell… How she longs for you.” Drake sighed, blinking hard before speaking much quieter, “What I would give to be in such a position…”

“And what position is that, Bennet?” Reid arched a brow, studying Drake closely. 

“To have that longing; to be wanted and know that you are not a burden upon somebody,” Drake paused for a moment, trying to block Rose’s face out of his mind as the following words fell out of his mouth, “Have you ever found the one you have endlessly wanted to give your entire heart to, only to find that the same one will not give their heart to you?” 

“Bennet, I…” Reid swallowed hard, unable to think of what to say. 

“Have you ever truly felt how hard a heart can fall, Edmund?” Drake raised his eyebrows, even making Jackson’s eyes grow wide from the shock of him being so personal.

“I… Cannot speak for Miss. Goren.” He spoke uneasily, unable to maintain eye contact. 

“But please tell me you do believe she deserves verbal truth…” Drake frowned, looking up at him with hopeful eyes. 

“She does.” Reid nodded, pursing his lips.

“So, what’ll it be, Mr. Reid?” Drake arched a brow, “The letter or seeing her in person as she deserves?”

-

The days within the week came and went, each one bringing its own torment to Inspector Reid. Torn between falling back into Miss. Goren’s arms and plucking up the courage to speak with his wife. Each day was the same as previously described, he would wake first, not want to disturb Emily, then be home to bed last, Emily already there. It was almost as if missing each other was no longer a coincidence, but a subconscious habit. Today was different, however – Reid had made sure he was home earlier than usual in order to catch Emily as she returned from the church. The nerves were threatening to break him completely; the thought of his confession and all of their thoughts and feelings being laid out on the table. He was sat at the table in the kitchen, biting the inside of his cheek harshly as he repeatedly tried to converse with himself in his head. His face remained expressionless, but inside his head it was already like a battlefield. The moment he heard the door open, his lips became dry and he let out an uneasy breath, nervously tapping his fingertips against the table as he waited for Emily to walk by. 

“Edmund?” Emily spoke in a slightly confused tone, stopping in the doorway of the kitchen and gazing down at him sat at the table. 

“Good evening, Emily.” Reid attempted to smile, standing up from the table and trying his best to act normal, “I- I made you some tea.” He gestured toward the two teacups on the table.

“You are not usually home this early from work.” She stepped into the kitchen, crossing her arms across her chest. 

“Yes, well… For that, I apologise.” He swallowed hard. 

“You apologise for being home early?” She arched a brow. 

“No, no – I apologise for not being home this early more often.” Reid narrowed his eyebrows.

“I see,” Emily nodded, “Well, I know your work is of importance, and on that note, I shall leave you to it. Thank you for the tea, Edmund.” She reached toward the teacup, half smiling. 

“Please understand, Emily, I made the tea for us both.” Reid watched her closely as she lifted her cup off the table. 

“I am aware of that, Edmund, as there are two cups.” She spoke against it before taking a small sip. 

“I intended in us drinking together.” Reid pouted his lips, also reaching for his own teacup. 

“I would not like to impose on your plans for the evening.” Emily responded flatly. 

“You are misunderstanding, Emily,” Reid looked up at her while blinking slowly, “Please, sit with me. Have tea with me.” He gestured toward the chair opposite him, “You are happy to have tea with your husband, are you not?”

“You are your work, Edmund.” She looked down at the chair before turning toward the door, keeping the teacup in her grip. 

“Please, I wish for you not to call me that.” Reid frowned, setting his cup back on the table, “There is a matter between us of which I wish to discuss.” He let out a shaky breath, trying not to make his nerves obvious. 

“It must be of importance to warrant you taking the evening away from your work.” She raised her eyebrows, turning back toward him. 

“Yes,” Reid nodded, “Please sit with me, Emily.” He looked up at her, blinking slowly as she pulled the chair out and sat down with a sigh. 

“What is on your mind, Edmund?” She placed the teacup down, but her hands remained warmed around it. 

“I cannot help but feel as if we do not… Spend enough time together.” Reid leaned back in his chair. 

“And you believe a cup of tea will fix that?” She scoffed, looking down into the cup.

“I do not believe it will be that easy, no. But I do believe that it is a start.” Reid cleared his throat, bringing his cup to his lips. 

“A start?” Emily arched a brow, “A start to what, Edmund?”

“A start to, uh…” Reid stuttered, struggling with how to word what he wanted to say, “Perhaps… Talking about us.” 

“Us?” Emily squinted her eyes, looking back up at him.

“Forgive me if I am reading this wrongly, but it would appear as if we no longer share anything together anymore.” Reid spoke lowly, nervously biting down on his bottom lip. 

“That may be because it is of very rare chance that our paths cross anymore.” Emily averted her eyes, blowing at her tea. 

“Do you not see how that worries me, Emily? Our paths not crossing… We live together, we made a vow to one another to be together… ‘Paths not crossing’ is something of which you would describe an old friend or colleague, not a husband and wife.” Reid narrowed his eyebrows, feeling the anxiety from the pending conversation rising within him further. 

“What are you trying to say, Edmund?” She faced him once more, laying her hands flat on the table. 

“That… You and I…” He battled with himself to think of the words again, swallowing hard, “Th-The… Intimacy between us both is almost… Non-existent anymore.” He felt his lip starting to quiver from his words. 

“Is this going to take long, Edmund?” Emily sighed, “Averaging at one sentence every five minutes, do you think we’ll get to the bottom of this come midnight?”

“Emily, please…” Reid narrowed his eyebrows, “Wh-What I am trying to say is…” His mind went completely blank again, internally kicking himself from the repeated pause. 

“I must go see to the dusting of her room.” Emily shook her head, pressing her lips together as she looked across the table to see Reid with his eyes closed, three of his fingertips rested upon his forehead as he remained in thought. The room was silent until he mustered together the only words he could attempt. 

“We are a family, Emily…” His eyes slowly opened, reaching his hands across the table in the hope that Emily would take them in her own.

“No, Edmund!” She exclaimed, snatching her hands away from the table and standing up as she shook her head, “We /were/ a family; me, you and Mathilda.” She lifted one of her hands to cover her quivering lip as her eyes welled, “Take away one of the walls and it all falls down.”

“Please, Emily, do not say such things…” Reid sighed deeply, not taking his eyes off her as she stepped toward the door.

“Such things are true, Edmund.” She glared back at him. 

“You make it sound as if that… Accident was something I purposely made happen!” He shook his head. 

“You purposely took her out of our home and on that boat.” Emily crossed her arms across her chest.

“Not without the intention of returning her home with me, Emily!” Reid raised his voice slightly, remaining in his seat. 

“I should have known that marrying a man so tied to his job would never end in the dreamy happily ever after.” She glanced down at her feet. 

“What are you implying?” Reid squinted his eyes. 

“You, your job, your work…” She shrugged, “I should have already guessed that others around you would always come second, but did you really have to prove that every single day?”

“I am loyal to my work in order to keep my streets safe so that, in turn, it keeps my family safe! My first and foremost thought is always to protect my family.” Reid scowled. 

“How can you possibly protect your family when you are never with your family?” Emily raised her eyebrows, “Tell me that, Edmund,” She stepped further toward the door, “Evidently you are not particularly good at it, considering you could not protect your own flesh and blood.”

“Emily, you speak as if I do not share your mourning!” Reid inhaled deeply, placing his hands flat on the table, “Believe me when I say I am made of nothing but grief and guilt.” He spoke quietly, staring down at the table. The room remained silent for several more seconds before he spoke again, “I tried to love you the best way that I knew how.”

“Is that how you see it as so?” She discreetly wiped under her eye with the back of her index finger, waiting for him to look back up at her again before speaking, “You gave me nothing, Edmund… And now that is all that I have got.”

“I gave you a daughter!” Reid protested immediately, looking up at her. 

“Yes, just as fast as you took her away from me!” Emily practically shrieked back, clenching her fists over her chest. 

“Emily, I beg of you, please do not make it sound as if this is an act of which I wished to happen…” Reid narrowed his eyebrows, sighing sadly, “Since the disappearing of Mathilda, I have tried my unconditional best to be here for you and try and re-build our family – knowing nothing will ever seal the hole in which has been torn within it. However, I must say, I do not feel as if I have felt anything of the kind coming from yourself.” He spoke quietly, almost immediately kicking himself for confronting her regarding the issue. 

“See, this is one of your problems, Edmund…” She shook her head, Reid raising a brow as he waited for her to expand, “You deny for others what you demand for yourself.”

“I’m sorry, I do not believe that I understand.” Reid scowled in confusing. 

“Why must the world feel sympathy and love for Inspector Edmund Reid when there is little of it that he shows for those around him?” She shrugged, raising her eyebrows. 

“I find that most offensive, Emily, please trust that is not the way I ever intend to come across.” Reid protested, “I cannot stress how untrue that comment is.”

“Then, tell me, Edmund, did you intend on shattering my heart thinking that every heart mends?” She asked, her uneasy stare still fixed on Reid sat at the table. 

“Emily, I swore to you on our wedding day – and before then – that my… Love for you was one of, if not, the only constant in my life,” Reid swallowed hard, looking back up at her, “Until Mathilda’s birth – then it was for the both of you. But if I have become just a fool that has let you down…” He shook his head slowly, helpless tears starting to well in his eyes. 

“Let down, Edmund?” Emily spoke through slight gritted teeth as a tear made its way down her cheek, “You let me down, you let Mathilda down… You let your whole family down.” 

“I…” Reid stuttered, placing his elbows now on the table before allowing his head to fall forward into his hands. He took several seconds to try and compose himself, inhaling and exhaling shakily as his emotions trembled within him. After a few long moments, he lifted his head to reveal his red, puffy cheeks and teary eyes, keeping his lips pressed together for a couple more moments before finally speaking, “Should love be this tough every single day?”

“It is only as tough as you make it, Edmund.” Emily shrugged, biting her bottom lip hard as it trembled. 

“Wh-… What now, Emily?” He asked in a shaky tone, hardly able to even keep his heavy eyes on her. 

“That sounds as if you are giving up.” She replied in a faint voice.

“No, Emily, it would appear that you are awaiting – and pushing – for me to do so!” Reid responded in evident frustration. 

“That is what you want, Edmund, admit it!” She raised her voice, inhaling shakily. 

“It is not, Emily!” Reid shook his head quickly. As he watched Emily turn back toward the exit of the kitchen, he knew now was the only time he felt brave enough to come clean about everything that had been happening since the obvious start of the deterioration of their marriage. “Emily, please!” He pleaded, watching as she placed her hand on the doorframe with her back turned, “Th-There is something I must tell you…” 

“What, Edmund?!” She exclaimed, suddenly turning around and looking down at him with tearful, distant eyes, “Thanks to the loss of our daughter and now the evident lack of confidence you have for our marriage, my heart is already breaking…” She paused for a moment to place hand over her mouth as she sniffled and whimpered into it before looking directly back at him again, “So, go on, Edmund, please… Why don’t you twist the knife?!” 

“E-Emily…” Reid stuttered out his words, feeling as if almost every word in existence had disappeared from his brain. Emily remained silent, her fingertips now trembling against the doorframe as she continued to hold onto it

“I do not have time for this, Edmund.” She rolled her eyes and turned to walk back out of the door. 

“No, please! Listen to what I have to say…” He stood up from the table, sighing shakily as he reached his hand out for her. She turned back around to face him but did not take his hand, instead standing there in silence. His heart thudded nervously – almost audibly – in his chest as he repeatedly battled with himself for how to word it, “I- I do not think that it will come to any surprise to you when I say that, despite living together, you and I appear to be spending less and less time together – avoiding each other almost.” He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to settle his shaking hands against the table as he stood behind it. 

“With your work being of the upmost importance, I do agree that the time we spend together has been less frequent, yes.” Emily squinted her eyes slightly. 

“N-Not my work, Emily. With you being as dedicated as you are to your church and myself working these ungodly hours while this brutally careless murderer walks our streets, I had believed that the time we did get to spend together would be even more special, since it is a little harder to come by.” Reid inhaled deeply, feeling the confidence within him now growing slightly, “However, it is as if you wish to have no part within this marriage anymore.”

“What is your point, Edmund?” She raised her eyebrows, remaining in the doorway. 

“That…” His words failed him once more, exhaling shakily and closing his eyes before speaking while his eyes remained closed, “I have to be honest, Emily.” He lifted his head, unable to even make eye contact with his wife once they were open, “There have been occasions where… I have taken it upon myself to visit another woman’s bed.” The confidence within his speech now vanished, leaving him with a bitter, nauseated taste from the confession he had just made, and the fear of what Emily’s reaction would be. 

“Y…You…” Her fingers continued to tremble against the door frame, keeping her eyes on him, “Wh-When…” Her voice was shaken and matched with the shocked expression on her face, the tears now beginning to run from her eyes and down her cheeks again. 

“Th-There have been several instances in which I found myself there.” He spoke as his uneasy expressions met Emily’s.

“Is this why you use your best efforts in order to keep Miss. Hart’s… Home open?” Emily squinted her eyes, sniffling. 

“No, Emily, that is not what I meant…” Reid shook his head, “I have not visited a…”

“A what, Edmund?” She raised her eyebrows, daggering her eyes back toward him, “It matters not where you committed the unfaithful acts, nor who you chose to act disloyal against me with, you just admitted that you have done it!” 

“I know… I-I know…” Reid bit his lip hard, gripping onto the table. He closed his eyes and dipped his head down for a brief moment, speaking weakly, “I am so sorry, Emily…”

“Oh, you are? How do you expect me to believe that when you cannot even look me in the eyes and say it?!” She snapped, inhaling sharply as she gripped onto the door frame. Reid remained completely silent and opened his eyes to look at her, unable to even hardly bring himself to speak. 

“I- I tried, Emily… I tried to comfort you, to love you… You are my wife, Emily. In good times and in bad, it is you.” He narrowed his eyebrows, letting out a jittery breath.

“Is that what you thought while you were… Wrapped in another woman’s bed sheets?!” Emily exclaimed, widening her eyes. “Entangled in another woman’s arms and desires? I cannot remember the last time you shared such an embrace with me!” 

“That is because you push me away, Emily! Like I’m some kind of poison!” Reid blurted out, taking a deep breath. 

“No, Edmund… It feels now more as if your love made me a little prisoner,” Emily gritted her teeth, clenching her fists by her sides, “And it is /my/ heart who has been doing time.” 

“You act is if I have never once even tried to show you the slightest bit of love or affection and now it is as if you are forcing me to continue my life without any at all!” Reid responded immediately, “Emily, I know this does not warrant a man to be adulterous toward his wife, but please understand, you and I share nothing of intimate moments anymore, every time I need you, you insist on your church being of higher importance!” 

“Well, I do apologise, Edmund, if me not being in our bed at your beck and call is not to your liking!” Emily scoffed, looking at him with disgust. 

“That is not what I am saying, Emily!” Reid groaned in frustration, “Must you continue to twist my words?!”

“Must you continue to break our family?” She asked in a flat tone, raising her eyebrows, “First you try to convince me that our daughter is still out there somewhere, and now this?!” 

“Emily…” Reid exhaled loudly, covering his face with one of his large hands. By the time he uncovered his face again, he noticed Emily’s grip slipping from the door frame as her small, fragile body began to grow faint. He instantly stepped forward and reached his arms out, catching her in them as she lost her balance slightly, “Emily? Emily!” He narrowed his eyebrows, desperately trying to bring her back to consciousness. 

“H-Hm?” She scowled as her eyes slowly opened. She immediately looked up into Reid’s eyes and shook her head, scrambling back to her feet as she shakily pushed him off her, “T-Take your hands from me, Edmund! God knows where they’ve been…” She looked up at him in repulse, placing her hands on the walls of the hallway as she walked down it, leaving Reid stood alone with his hands raised above his head. 

“Why will you not let me hold you, Emily?” Reid spoke from the doorway, studying her uneasy stance as she remained a couple of steps from the door with her back to him, “Will you not look at me?”

“How can I look at you, Edmund?” She spoke with her back still turned to him, “When all I see is her?” 

“Do you not think that I even share your grief in the slightest?” Reid squinted his eyes, daring himself to move closer to her, “Do you not think that I hate my entire being for what I caused? That every time I catch a glimpse of those scars in the mirror, I do not get a horrific reminder of that day?” He swallowed shakily, “B-But we must be there for one another, Emily. We are not two singular people; the day we vowed to share our lives together, we vowed to become one. Through everything.” There was a long pause after he had finished speaking. 

“Edmund, I want nothing to do with the things that you are going through.” She eventually spoke, turning to face him, “Go and bury your guilt inside another tart.” She placed her hand on the doorhandle, Edmund noticing the visibly shaking grip she had. 

“E-Emily, please… I am /so/ sorry. I take full blame for all of this.” Reid stepped further forward, his eyes now filling again as the door cracked open, “You and I… We cannot go through this alone.”

“You mean I should rather want to be within the company of a man who would prefer to spend his nights in another woman’s bed?” Emily mumbled, opening the door fully, “It is as if you made yourself believe that you tried so hard to make someone happy that you achieved quite simply the opposite.”

“Do not go, Emily, please…” Reid narrowed his eyebrows, feeling his lip quivering as she made her way onto the doorstep, “A-Are you saying that I have never-…”

“I am saying that I would rather be alone than unhappy, Edmund.” Emily butted in bluntly, opening the door fully and stepping out of it, walking away before Reid even had a chance to respond. His mouth opened and closed but words failed him. He felt everything within him pushing to call for Emily as she walked down the street but feared of the kerfuffle it would cause to passers-by. 

Once back inside and the door closed, he walked back to the kitchen table and sat down at it. The terrors within his mind would not stop racing back and forth, thinking about what he had done, thinking about how he had attempted to explain it and her following reaction. The regret of the unknowing danger he put their daughter in that day was something he would never forget, however, the times he had shared with Miss. Goren… Regret was still not a word he would deep down choose to describe. He wasn’t sure whether he was ashamed or not in the fact that he felt the urge to speak up for Miss. Goren when Emily referred to her as any derogatory term – even if she did not know whose bed her husband had gotten into the habit of sharing. All he knew for sure was that, as he looked around the room, the house he once shared happily with his wife and child was now empty, such as his heart for hope, and the tea he had poured for them both, intended to share together, had turned cold – such as the passion between them that now seemed so far in the past. 

-

The rest of the week was painfully long for Reid. Each day he would tell himself that he would go and see Miss. Goren, each day he would spend without his wife. He remained quiet at work and in anyone else’s company, even less likely to make small talk than usual. It had only been a few days since the confession to his wife and yet he still couldn’t bring himself to attempt conversation with either Miss. Goren or Emily – especially considering that Emily had not come back to their house since. 

Sargent Drake had noticed a change in Inspector Reid but also knew that he would be the last person to admit it. Making his way down to Leman Street, he was lost within his own thoughts – more often than not of Rose – until he was met with a distressed looking Miss. Goren. 

“Mr. Drake!” She practically panted out her words, making him turn to her with a slightly shocked expression. 

“Miss. Goren?” He arched a brow, furrowing his eyebrows, “Is everything alright?”

“Oh, Mr. Drake…” She sighed in despair, holding her hands in front of her as she narrowed her eyebrows, “I- I must see Mr. Reid. Do you know of his whereabouts?” She appeared frantic.

“I cannot speak for Mr. Reid, nor tell you of his whereabouts… As I do not know and would not like to give any false information in a situation of which you seem to be restless with already.” Drake pouted his lips, studying her anxious expression as she exhaled shakily, looking down at her feet, “Calm yourself, Miss, you’re going to get yourself into a state,” He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, gazing down at her with kind eyes, “Tell me, Miss. Goren, what is it that has troubled you so? That is if you do not deem it as me intruding.” 

“I…” She tried several times to begin before looking up at Drake, “He told me he would visit me before the week is out. I thought nothing of it, knowing that if he didn’t it would be because something had come up at the station… But now it is me that so desperately seeks him, Mr. Drake.” 

“From that statement I assume that Mr. Reid is yet to visit?” Drake tilted his head. 

“Correct,” She pouted, trying not to show her disappointment, “In and out of my door with a few exchanged words and then disappearing into Whitechapel until our paths cross once more. The only trouble is, I never know when that may be.”

“That is Mr. Reid…” Drake nodded, inhaling slowly, “A man of few words.”

“That he is.” Miss. Goren frowned, swallowing hard.

“I have never met a man who is lost… Yet does not wish to be found.” Drake scratched his forehead, shrugging as he looked back down at her. 

“I have yet to meet another like Mr. Reid.” Miss. Goren nodded, biting her lip as she glanced down at her feet for a brief moment, “My home will definitely be a little less fun, knowing that the chance of him visiting is now next to nothing.”

“Forgive me, Miss, but I had reason to believe that you and Mr. Reid were… Growing rather fond of each other, if you do not mind my saying.” Drake frowned. 

“Oh, there is no denying or shame in me to admit that that I was falling, Mr. Drake,” She inhaled deeply, looking back up at him with a small shrug, “But I guess it just fell through.”

“I do hope he visits you soon, Miss.” Drake smiled kindly, “I cannot speak for him or his actions, but I will make sure he gets the message that you wish to see him as a matter of urgency. That is a promise I intend to keep.”

“Mr. Drake, you are of the kindest men I have ever known.” She gazed up at him, smiling softly, “How you have not had a woman on your arm each day, I do not know. A woman would be proud to stand by your side, Sargent. I do not believe I have ever met a man so loyal – not to Mr. Reid, at least. He speaks very highly of you.” 

“Thank you, Miss.” Drake crinkled his nose slightly, “I believe it is only yourself capable of keeping the Inspector sane some days. Thank you for creating him some light in what someday seems as a never-ending, dark abyss.”

“It is my pleasure… W-What, I mean by that is…” She widened her eyes slightly from how the comment could be taken, given the recent intimate situation between herself and Reid, “T-To lend a helping hand…” She raised her eyebrows, quickly realising what she could be insinuating, “I- I mean -!” She covered her face with her hand, shaking her head as Drake chuckled softly while he watched in amusement. 

“Do not hide, Miss. Goren,” Drake raised his eyebrows, “There is no judgement on my part for however it is that you and Mr. Reid decide to spend your time. You make my friend happy – that is what is important.”

“A-And yourself, Mr. Drake?” She tilted her head, trying to brush over the blushing from his complements as Drake arched an inquisitive eyebrow, “Someone who fills your days with joy? I do not doubt that you have all the care in the world available to show someone else.”

“Oh, trust me, I do care, Miss. Goren,” Drake sighed quietly, “Perhaps too much,” He shrugged, “Perhaps that is my problem.”

“You and me both, Mr. Drake…” Miss. Goren replicated his despairing sigh. “However, I shall trouble you no longer and let you proceed about your day.”

“Not a trouble at all, Miss. Goren, but do trust in me to deliver your request of Mr. Reid directly with him.” Drake smiled. 

“Thank you, Mr. Drake.” She spoke with a smile back at him. 

“You’re welcome,” Drake nodded, turning in the direction of Leman Street, “Now, you take care of yourself, Miss. Goren.”

“And yourself, Mr. Drake.” She raised her hand, waving him goodbye with a polite smile. 

-

Inspector Reid has just about managed to drag himself to The Station, each day getting harder than the one before it to get himself out of bed and in a fit state to work. He had heard nothing from Emily since his confession and was growing more and more increasingly worried for her whereabouts. However, he dare not ask anyone if they had seen her in fear that they may ask why and he would slowly have to come clean to the entirety of Whitechapel – the place in which he was in charge to keep free of darkness – that he was unfaithful to his wife. And, with prying eyes from the likes of Fred Best of The Daily Star around any corner, he did not want to run the risk of ruining the reputation of himself or those who stood by him within H Division. 

“Captain, these are the files that were requested upon the relation to the victim.” Reid spoke as he walked through the door of The Dead Room, placing them down on the counter after hanging his hat and big coat up on the back of the door.

“Congratulations, only two days late, Reid,” Jackson spoke against his cigarette, “The body has almost started decomposing in the time it took you to fetch those.” He taunted Reid, remaining hovered over the body with his scalpel. 

“Do you want the documents, Jackson, or shall I make fire out of them?” Reid snapped, turning to face him. 

“Judging from your tone these last few days, I can only assume that Mrs. Reid did not take your confession lightly.” Jackson didn’t flinch, watching out of the corner of his eye as Reid snatched the papers back off the worktop, heading toward the door, “But I do know for certain that destroying those files is not going to help me or you.” He continued to watch as Reid exhaled deeply, keeping a tight grip on the papers in his hand but remaining within the room, “So, why don’t you quit avoiding the obvious guilt your face shows, give me my work, and do something about it?” 

“You do not know how incredibly lucky you are that I am not able to find a surgeon with skills such as yours, Jackson,” Reid marched over to him, tossing the pieces of paper toward Jackson, “Believe me, you would’ve been out of this door.”

“Is that so, Reid?” Jackson raised his eyebrows, laying his scalpel down and reaching for the papers, “Tell me, would that be before or after you wipe that remorse from your face?”

“You have some nerve, American.” Reid glared at him. 

“Me?” Jackson widened his eyes playfully and reached for two glasses before pouring whisky into each, “Says the man who would rather write a goddamn letter to let down the woman who he clearly has feelings for rather than seeing her face to face.” He looked back at Reid, offering him one of the glasses, “Come on, Reid, what did Emily say?”

“I do not believe that to be any of your concern, Captain.” Reid responded bluntly, hesitating before accepting the glass of whisky from him. 

“Suit yourself,” Jackson shrugged, bringing his own glass to his lips, “I feel one thing is pretty evident, though… Deep down, you do not wish for your encounters to be over.” 

“Hm.” Reid remained quiet, sipping at his whisky, nursing it almost, as Jackson continued to speak. 

“You do not wish to verbally speak the truth to her – that you cannot continue to keep her satisfied if you are to also want a life with your wife.” He watched him from over his glass. Reid didn’t say a word, he just sipped at his whisky again, “Reid, honestly… Why is it that you thought it would be a better idea to send Miss. Goren a letter rather than speak to her in person?”

“Because… I do not think that I could stand there and watch her heart shatter in front of me. I am ashamed to say so.” Reid spoke quietly, avoiding eye contact with Jackson. 

“So, you believe that she does have feelings for you?” Jackson asked, refilling both of their now empty glasses. 

“I do not think she would allow me in her home as frequently otherwise.” Reid shrugged shyly, lifting the glass back to his mouth before speaking again, “A woman like her, so kind and gentle… She wants nothing of a man like me. She is a beautiful flower, and I cannot stand in the way of her growth.” He narrowed his eyebrows, feeling his hand shaking against the glass slightly. 

“So, tell me, Reid…” Jackson squinted his eyes, looking up at him and speaking lowly, “When exactly did you fall in love with her?” 

“I…” Reid’s grip tightened on his glass and his mouth became dry, swallowing hard as Jackson’s question rang within his ears. 

“Mr. Reid!” Drake’s pleasant voice spoke as he walked through the door, “I have a message which requires your attention.” He raised his eyebrows as he stepped into The Dead Room.

“Wh-What is it, Bennet?” Reid tilted his head. 

“I just ran into Miss. Goren,” Drake replied, her name immediately making Reid’s breath hitch within his throat, “She requests that you see her as soon as possible.”

“Did she say why?” Reid scowled. 

“I told her I wish not to pry on personal matters between the two of you and that I would inform you that she strongly wishes to see you.” Drake smiled politely. 

“I see,” Reid nodded, “Thank you, Bennet.” He attempted at a smile. 

“Well, now is your chance, Reid.” Jackson raised his eyebrows, patting his shoulder. 

“In that case, I must pay Miss. Goren a visit.” Reid nodded, letting out a shaky breath. 

“Mr. Reid, Sir!” Hobbs’ voice called as he walked into The Dead Room, looking at the Inspector with a weary expression, “Inspector Reid, you must come.”

“What is it, boy?” Reid frowned in confusion. 

“It is Mrs. Reid, Sir, she was found delirious in the street,” Hobbs spoke out of breath as if he had rushed to give Reid the news, “She has been taken to the hospital, there are talks of perhaps her going to a mad house!” He widened his eyes, visibly shaking as he did not wish to upset the Inspector but knew he must tell him. 

“What?!” Reid exclaimed, blinking hard and rushing toward his hat and coat, putting them both on quickly, “Wh-Where?! Show me, boy!” He followed behind him out of the room, though Jackson’s question remained loud in his ears.


	11. I Will Break Your Heart In The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter... 
> 
> Happy ending or a collection of guilty consciences?

Days went by, each of them filled with the same emptiness. Inspector Reid had spoken little about his wife and her current state – only sharing the rare conversation with Sergeant Drake. He was upset, embarrassed – not of where his wife now resided, but for the fact that it was himself that had earned his, Emily’s, and Miss Goren’s current position. 

“You will visit her tonight, then?” Sergeant Drake dared to approach the fragile subject. 

Reid nodded but remained silent. 

“I hope you find her well, sir.” Drake attempted at conversation once more. 

“Thank you, Bennet.” Reid looked up from his desk and across at Drake with a defeated expression he was failing to keep from his face. 

“You and I may be alone separately, Edmund, but we cannot be alone when we are together – in each other’s company.” Drake raised his eyebrows, licking his dry lips, “You are always welcome to share a glass or two with me – I would just like to remind you,” Drake spoke in a soft tone, raising his eyebrows with a gentle smile, “If you should not like to spend another night on your own.”

“Do not think I do not appreciate your kind gesture, Bennet, but I wish not to bring my mess upon you.” Reid shook his head. 

“Mess, Mr. Reid?” Drake narrowed his eyebrows, “I think tha-…”

“That we should get about our work, Sergeant?” Reid cleared his throat, standing up from his desk and exhaling slowly as he straightened the hat on his head – hoping that Drake hadn’t noticed his sudden attempt at changing subject. 

“Y-Yes…” Drake pouted his lips and watched the Inspector closely before following him out of the room, remaining silent from then-on. 

Reid couldn’t bear to even think about his current situation, let alone speak to someone about it. He tried to block it out of his mind the best he could but it was difficult considering no matter which way he turned it was himself at fault; the subconscious misleading of Miss Goren, the heartache of his wife, the loss of their daughter – everything came down to decisions he had made. 

“Afternoon, Inspector, Sergeant Drake,” Jackson spoke against his cigarette, standing up straight as he turned to greet them, “Is that whisky on your breath that I can already smell at this hour, Inspector?”

“Captain, I do not believe you have the right to make such criticisms since the majority of the whisky is found within your Dead Room – if it is not already inside your body.” Reid glared in Jackson’s direction. 

“I suppose it is the afternoon,” Jackson shrugged, “Now my only concern is that you did not share.”

“I shared with Sergeant Drake.” Reid squinted his eyes. 

“What, and not me?” Jackson frowned playfully and took another drag from his cigarette, “Your surgeon gets thirsty too, Reid.”

“My heart bleeds, Captain.” Reid spoke with little emotion in his voice – so much so it almost earned a slight chuckle from Drake. 

Jackson fell silent and turned back to the body laid upon the table, biting his lip as he tried to refrain from making a sarcastic comment – for once. 

“The deposits found underneath her fingernails, Captain, have you discovered what relevance they have to the case?” Drake asked, grimacing slightly as he peered over the dead body. 

“I have, Sergeant,” Jackson cleared his throat and set his scalpel down, “The material we have found underneath this poor lady’s fingernails gives us a good indication that she was clinging onto something before she met her unfortunate death.”

“Impressive.” Drake squinted his eyes. Jackson smiled sarcastically and reached for one of her hands, holding it up toward Drake. 

“See here?” He arched a brow, “It appears the bloody fingertips also stress how desperately she was trying to prevent herself from being moved.”

“Good work, Captain.” Reid nodded, watching from behind them. 

“Thank you, Inspector.” Jackson set the arm down and placed his cigarette back between his lips, “Is your hardworking surgeon allowed a tipple of whisky now, Reid?” He asked in a slightly cocky tone, looking up at him. 

“If you can tell me what it is that brought this woman’s fingertips to such distress, then perhaps I can justify you having one small glass.” Reid narrowed his eyes – his face remaining expressionless. 

“Oh, you’re making me work today, Reid.” Jackson rolled his eyes and walked back to one of his work benches where his various samples were placed. 

“Someone has to.” Drake muttered under his breath, crossing his arms across his chest. 

“Bennet, am I correct in assuming that you have no plans for this evening?” Reid gazed over at him. 

“Not that I am aware of, sir, no,” Drake shook his head, “Why do you ask?”

“I would be grateful if you were to stay at the station during this evening’s shift – I have some matters that need taking care of.” Reid swallowed hard. 

“Is that code for ‘confessing more to my wife’ or ‘running back to the only person that puts a goddamn smile on my face’, huh?” Jackson mumbled against his cigarette. Reid chose not to rise to his comment.

“Of course, Mr. Reid,” Drake nodded, “I hope that things are resolved between yourself and Mrs. Reid and that she is improving.”

“Thank you, Bennet.” Reid attempted to smile. 

“I do also hope that you and Mrs. Goren may remain friends.” Drake pouted his lips. 

“I have little confidence that will be possible.” Reid glanced down at his feet for a moment. 

“You have been to see her since the unfortunate decline of Mrs. Reid, have you not?” Drake frowned in confusion slightly, “Forgive me if I am intruding, but did you not say you believed she deserved to have you speak to her face to face rather than her receive your letter?”

“I sent Hobbs with the letter this morning.” Reid finally admitted after a few moments of silence, his eyes falling to the floor once more. 

“What a man.” Jackson spoke in a sarcastic tone, shaking his head dramatically with his back still turned to Drake and Reid. 

Reid couldn’t ignore his comment this time and instead stepped closer to him, gripping him by the back of his collar, yanking him by it. Jackson stumbled slightly and tried his best to keep a secure grip on the glass container and remain upright at the same time. 

“Captain Jackson, I do not know what it is that gives you the arrogance to speak in the tone that you do, but I would strongly suggest that you rethink your attitude toward the person who pays your wages.” Reid spoke through gritted teeth. 

“And I would strongly suggest that you confront your own problems face to face,” Jackson turned his head to face Reid, “Or should I say… affairs.” He dared himself to say – only resulting in Reid’s grip tightening. 

“I do not know how you have the nerve to comment on such things when it does not appear that you have much control over the movements of your own groin, Captain.” 

“At least I can face up to it,” Jackson shrugged, “When our mouths aren’t otherwise occupied.” 

“I cannot think of one good reason why I shouldn’t just throw you to the ground.” Reid glared as his eyes met Jackson’s.

“Do not let the American get the better of you, sir.” Drake spoke calmly from behind them both. 

“You heard your Sergeant.” Jackson raised his eyebrows, a smirk threatening to play on his lips. 

“Had this evening not be one of which I am visiting my wife and we did not require your irritatingly accurate knife here, do not think I wouldn’t rise at the opportunity to show you what you deserve.” Reid’s voice lowered, giving Jackson a final shove before letting him go. 

“Until then I shall have to continue to pursue the full experience of being under the wrath of the Inspector,” Jackson widened his eyes playfully, “However, I do thank you for not making me throw our evidence all over the floor.” He spoke in a sarcastic tone and carefully placed the glass container on the counter again, picking up the one next to it. 

“Sergeant Drake, my sincerest apologises, but please refrain from allowing the Captain to raise you to such anger also,” Reid looked over at him, “I must go.” 

“Of course, Mr. Reid,” Drake nodded, “Don’t you worry about us – go and see your wife.”

“Thank you, Bennet.” Reid half smiled, inhaling uneasily as he turned to walk out of the Dead Room. 

-

An open crotch, a bobbing head, a hand tangled in the hair that moved along with it – there was little space left in the room as Jackson filled it up with his grunts and groans. 

“I needed this, Rose…” Jackson spoke following a heavy breath as he brought his head back up from its swung back position, “The Inspector has been at me all day.”

“It would appear you do not perform as well for Mr. Reid or Mr. Drake as you do for me, Captain.” Rose smirked, also lifting her head and gazing up at him from being crouched between his legs. 

“That is because they don’t quite have the same effect nor reward at the end of it as you give me, darlin’.” Jackson smirked, their heavy eyes meeting as he took a drag from the cigarette between his fingers. 

“Full of compliments despite the day you claim to have had.” She rolled her eyes playfully. 

“You have yet to upset me.” Jackson laughed, exhaling the smoke. 

“Oh, really, Captain?” Rose arched a brow, a playful expression now on her face, “So, say I bind your hands behind you and leave you alone in this state, it wouldn’t bother you in the slightest?”

“You wouldn’t do that to me and you know it,” Jackson narrowed his eyes playfully, reaching one of his hands down to gently brush his fingertips against her cheek, “But tell me more about binding my hands behind my back.” 

“You are the very meaning of filth, Captain Jackson.” Rose shook her head, leaning into him again. 

“Says the lady who suggested such a thing.” Jackson raised his eyebrows, trying not to laugh but pressing his lips together when he noticed her close enough to him to feel her breath teasing against the tip of his cock.

“You didn’t seem so opposed to it yourself.” She placed a singular kiss upon him. 

“You didn’t seem to make such comments when you had your mouth full.” Jackson bit the inside of his cheek, trying not to grin. 

“You are unstoppable, Captain.” Rose shook her head once more before wrapping her hand back around him again and sliding her fist down to the base as her lips secured themselves around the head as before. 

“Mmm… I like to think so.” He whispered, allowing his eyes to fall shut again as his lips parted in pleasure. Rose’s eyes also fluttered shut as her bobbing head began to meet with the pace of her twisting wrist – Jackson groaning in pleasure as a result. He slouched further into the chair and pushed his shaky hand into her hair, tangling it between his fingers as his breathing became heavier through his nose. 

She had teased him to best of her abilities ever since he had stepped foot into her room and her previous edging of him was beginning to show; his thighs tensing and trembling against the chair as he squeezed his eyes tighter shut. His fingertips pressed gently against her head as he felt himself getting closer and closer – gasping in pleasure as it only encouraged Rose to move faster. 

“R-Rose…” Jackson whimpered, his hips involuntarily lifting toward her, “Rose, please don’t stop this time…” His speech was becoming more and more uneasy, his fingers now shaking in her hair as his other hand desperately tried not to drop his cigarette. Rose tightened her lips and fist around him, showing that she had no interest in stopping at this point. Within a matter of moments and a loud cry of pleasure, he felt what he could only describe as the built up frustration from the day suddenly leave him and flood into Rose’s mouth, “G-Goddamn it, Rose, d-don’t stop your hand… Please!” He moaned out his words breathlessly, arching his back against the chair as his entire body wriggled in pleasure. Although Rose’s mouth now remained held still in the same position, her fist worked frantically up and down his entire length – earning little grunts from him. 

“Captain Jackson…” Rose shook her head playfully as she pulled back after a few moments, unable to hide the smug grin from her face. 

“M’hmm…” He slowly opened his eyes, looking down at her as his chest continued to rise and fall at a fast pace. 

“As vocal as ever.” She raised her eyebrows, licking her lips before wiping her index finger against her chin and placing the tip of it in her mouth, her eyes not leaving his as she suckled on it. 

“It’ll be happening all over again if you keep looking at me like that, darlin’.” He brought his cigarette back to his lips again, inhaling unsteadily as he blinked hard. 

“Such threats, Captain.” Rose teased, widening her eyes playfully and standing up as she brushed the front of her dress down. Jackson’s eyes trailed up her body an then down to her hands as she leaned forward to tuck him back into his pants. 

“Are you that eager to have it in your hands again, huh?” He joked, watching her fasten his pants back up. 

“Do you not have a wife to go back to?” Rose asked in a slightly more timid tone. 

“I… Uh…” Her question caught him a little off guard. 

“I’ve been thinking, Jackson, about this little situation between you and I…” Rose spoke as she stood up straight again, walking to her dresser and picking up her hairbrush, “I know this is my life and I know this is your home, but… Despite the fun we do have together, I cannot deny that Miss. Hart is my friend and therefore cannot help but feel as if I am hurting her – betraying her – in going ahead with… This.” 

“I hear you, Rose.” Jackson ran his index finger and thumb along his moustache, glancing down at his feet. 

“You must know, Captain, you have never once made me feel uncomfortable or do anything I would not like to do – please do not fear that thought,” Rose narrowed her eyebrows, walking back over to Jackson and placing one of her hands on his shoulder, “I just think – for Miss. Hart’s sake.”

“No, Rose, I understand,” Jackson looked up at her, an obvious guilty expression on his face, “I spend a lot of my time telling others to face up to their problems and speak to people head on – I suppose its time I took my own advice. I just needed the push to do it.”

“What, and the thought of having to find your blowjobs elsewhere was enough to give you that push, hm?” Rose teased, shoving his shoulder slightly. 

“You know what I mean.” Jackson looked up at her with a playful glare before both of them shared a small laugh. 

“We had fun, Jackson,” Rose smiled softly, looking down at him, “We can leave it at that, can’t we?”

“There’s no denying that.” Jackson rested his index finger horisontal over his lips as his elbow leaned on the chair arm. 

“Miss. Susan loves you, Jackson.” Rose spoke in a serious tone, her eyes still on him. 

“What, and you don’t?” Jackson pouted his lips playfully.

“Jackson.” Rose gave him a stern expression. 

“Alright, alright,” Jackson sat up properly, stubbing what little was left of his cigarette into the ashtray, “I know she does.”

“And you love her?” Rose asked. 

“What?” Jackson scowled, “Of course I do,” He cleared his throat, exhaling deeply, “Coming here, coming to you… It’s just… Easier.”

“Oh, ‘easier’, Captain?” Rose scoffed, crossing her arms across her chest. 

“No! Not – …Perhaps that was the wrong word to use.” Jackson covered his face with his hands. 

“It is thanks to Miss. Hart – your wife – that I have a roof over my head, Jackson,” Rose shook her head, “And I do not think that…” Her lips twitched slightly as she tried to think of what to say, “I do not think, Captain Jackson, that servicing her husband is the right way to go about thanking her.” 

“Loud and clear, darlin’.” Jackson pushed his hands through his hair, avoiding eye contact. 

“If you really love Miss Susan the way you say you do, go speak to her,” Rose sighed, sensing Jackson’s unease at the suggestion, “What is it that is preventing you in doing so?”

“Nothing.” Jackson responded bluntly, his eyes diverting back to the floor. 

“Jackson, tell me,” Rose spoke in a serious tone, raising her eyebrows, “I have seen you in more states of mind than I thought were even humanly possible and therefore know possibly better than anyone – aside from Miss Susan – that this is not your usual disposition.” 

Jackson pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes for a few long moments, staying silent. Rose watched him closely with her eyebrows narrowed, unfolding her arms and reaching for a chair – placing it in front of Jackson and sitting across from him. 

“Truth is…” He spoke with his eyes still closed before eventually opening them, “I’m scared, Rose.” 

“Scared? Of what, Captain?” Rose tilted her head, resting her hands in her lap. 

“Being hurt – thrown out, tossed to one side.” Jackson shrugged. 

“Of?” Rose squinted her eyes. 

“Our home…” He swallowed hard, his following words barely audible, “Susan’s heart.”

“Jackson…” Rose frowned, keeping her kind eyes on his uneasy expression. 

“Honestly, Rose,” Jackson bit his lip for a brief moment, “I am not saying that I am a good man – I think it is pretty evident that I am quite literally the opposite. I have hurt Susan, I have been scared of even approaching an apology – so she has been put to one side. Everything, Rose… Every goddamn thing that I am scared of – I have, in turn, put Susan through instead,” He shook his head in shame, “Do you not think that I am aware of how much this hurts her? Do you not think that she knows about this, about us?” 

“Well, you’re not exactly the most discreet client, Captain.” Rose attempted to joke. 

“She knows, Rose – I know she does,” Jackson’s tone lowered, “We don’t speak about it. We share the same goddamn bed and not once have either of us even dare to bring it up in conversation.”

“Why, Captain? I am not one to say how another should behave in their relationship, but I do believe that being honest and open about your… Problems would be a start.” Rose knitted her eyebrows together, sighing sadly. 

“Didn’t you hear? I’m scared,” Jackson snapped, “I never usually admit that at the best of times, and here you are making me say it twice in the same conversation.”

“Forgive me, Jackson, I do not mean to pry.” Rose blinked hard. 

“No, Rose… I’m sorry,” Jackson exhaled, looking down at his hands, “I always knew that I’d mess up eventually, I told her this at the very beginning – before we even had any plans to run. I don’t know what else she expected from me – a penniless American runaway when she could’ve been living the life she deserves with someone who can buy her anything she desires.”

“Jackson, excuse my abruptness, but please stop this,” She shook her head, making their eyes meet again, “Miss Susan chose you for a reason – for what you bring to her is something of which money could not replace. You two most certainly have your differences, but what you share is like no other; it is unexplainable love, Captain.” 

“Rose, I…” Jackson groaned. 

“Speak to her – please,” Rose pouted her lips, “Do not let this be the end of you two.”

“Rose, if I speak to her about this, it will open a can of worms that I genuinely cannot see an end to. It would be never ending, of that I am sure – things would be said, confessions would be made and I would be thrown out of this goddamn cursed place that is Whitechapel and forced to run again,” He took a deep breath, “Though I would have one thing that is missing, of who I could not run without; Susan. I can’t do that, Rose. I cannot do that,” His words were growing more choked up as he struggled to stop his trembling lip, eventually hanging his head in his hands and speaking through his fingers, “I cannot run without Susan, Rose. My life is nothing but dust if I am to be without her.”

“And, so, you keep both of your feelings bottled up?” Rose scowled, “Go to bed each night and try and bury all of your problems beneath the sheets? They will all still be there when you wake up in the morning.”

“Do you not think I know that by now?” Jackson sighed weakly, trying to turn away so Rose couldn’t see his welling eyes. 

“Go and see her, Jackson,” Rose frowned, reaching one of her hands forward and tilting his chin up so there eyes met yet again, “It is the only way you can have this whole thing resolved, Captain.” 

“Y-Yes…” Jackson nodded and smiled uneasily, “There is no denying that you are right, Rose.” He shrugged, standing up and putting his hat on. 

“Good luck, Jackson.” Rose smiled nervously, following him with her eyes as he made his way to the door. 

“Thank you, Rose,” Jackson raised his eyebrows, placing his hand on the door handle before turning back to her, “I know it is a long time coming, but I cannot rememebr a time I was this nervous.”

“Just go and see your wife, Captain.” Rose crinkled her nose, smiling proudly as he walked out of the room and toward the one he shared with Susan. 

Throughout all the situations Jackson had ever gotten himself involved in, none of them compared with the churning sickness in his stomach he now felt about this one. He took a deep breath and hesitantly pushed the door open – his eyes immediately going to Susan sat at her dresser. He closed the door behind him and swallowed hard, taking his hat off and placing it on the bedside table. 

“Hello, darlin’.” He spoke in a slightly timid tone, walking over to her. 

“Good evening, Captain.” Susan spoke in a flat tone, her eyes still focusing on taking out the clips from her hair as she looked into the mirror. 

“You know you don’t have to address me as ‘Captain’ when we are in our own space, Caitlin.” Jackson raised his eyebrows, stepping closer to her. Susan remained silent and felt her breath catch in her throat slightly as Jackson placed his hands on her shoulders, pressing his fingertips into them gently from over her night dress, “Seeing you take your hair out like that never gets old.” He attempted to smile as their eyes caught in the reflection of the mirror. 

“I can sense from your tone that you are somewhat troubled,” Susan raised her eyebrows, trying to stop herself from dissolving into the soothing motions of Jackson’s thumbs moving in circular motions against her shoulders, “Matthew?” She spoke louder, keeping her eyes on him through the mirror. 

“You know that I love you, right?” He spoke in a slightly fearful voice. 

“I do.” She nodded, brushing her hair over her shoulder. Jackson watched in awe as her hairbrush moved its way through her long blonde hair, his lips absentmindedly parting – he often found himself in a trance when she did such things. 

“I don’t deserve you, Caitlin.” Jackson caught her gaze in the mirror once more before stepping backward and sitting on the end of the bed. 

“You do not.” Susan shook her head, setting her hairbrush down. Her abrupt response shocked Jackson a little, placing his sweaty hands in his lap. 

“I am… Well aware that I have done little of showing my love to you of late.” He sighed as if annoyed at himself.

“You mean since you took a liking to one of my girls?” Susan arched a brow, turning to face him. 

“You kno-…” Jackson swallowed hard before Susan cut him off. 

“Of course I know, Matthew. Do you think me oblivious to what goes on under my own roof?” She rolled her eyes. 

“I want to focus every bit of me on you, Caitlin. My heart is already there – it is my-…”

“Cock, Captain?” Susan folded her arms across his chest, looking him up and down. 

“I- Uh, well…” Jackson scratched the back of his head, fidgeting against the bed slightly. 

“That fact does not go unnoticed.” She rolled her eyes. 

“Why, Caitlin, why do you not throw me onto the street and put an end to this marriage if it is evident I have been stupidly unfaithful to you?” He asked, immediately cursing himself for asking such a question – frankly afraid of what her response would be. 

“Isn’t that a good question, hm?” She raised her eyebrows, Jackson looking at her intently yet silently – scared of saying anything else, “I have been aware of you fondness of my Rose and quickly learned of your intimate encounters – I have had the reminder of that several times. But what to do? Get rid of Rose? No – she is one of, if not the most, popular girls we have under this roof, and I feel as if I also have a duty to keep her safe. She is safe here – Tenter Street itself under the protection of Inspector Reid and Rose under the watchful eye of myself. However, that was also the way I learned of your meetings. Regardless, I could not let her go.”

“M’hm…” Jackson nodded, his voice now even more weary than ever as he asked his next question, “And why do you not… L-Let me go, Susan?”

“Do not doubt how easily I could throw you out onto the street or shout and scream at the top of my lungs about how much it kills me each time I know you have been to Rose’s – or any other girl’s – chamber,” Susan spoke in a stern tone, Jackson’s eyes widening as he felt his palms growing even more sweaty, “But the strange truth is, Matthew, despite the fact that you go to god knows how many women in order to relieve yourself of your – what some people may see as obscenely intense – sexual desires, I find a strange comfort in knowing that it is me and our bed that you choose to come back to at the end of every day,” She spoke calmly – able to cover when she was upset a lot more than her husband could, “I suppose one of the things I have learned working within this business is that people will come and go to get their erotic fix, but it is the person whom you choose to go home to and wake up next to that is the one you truly wish to be with.”

“Oh, Caitlin…” Jackson placed his head in his hands, shaking it slowly for a few moments. He felt the bed dip at the side of him and slowly brought his hands away from his face, turning to face Susan with a guilt covered face, “I have been so ridiculously stupid.”

“You have.” Susan sighed, looking up at him. 

“I am so sorry – so sorry,” Jackson sighed in unison, “I want to devote every part of me to you, Caitlin. Please forgive me.”

“Every time you climbed into our bed and by my side I forgave you, Matthew.” Susan replied.

“It shouldn’t have been that way, Caitlin,” Jackson shook his head, “It will not continue to be that way,” He lifted one of his hands, cupping her cheek and whispering, “I love you, darlin’.”

“I love you, Captain Jackson, Matthew Judge – of what I should call you around here I am not sure – but I am sure of my love and it is for you who it burns the brightest.” She whispered, half smiling. 

“Till the stars burn out, darlin’.” He spoke softly, closing his eyes as their heads tilted and their lips met – Susan responding in the same tone;

“Until the stars burn out, Matthew.”

-

The visits to Emily never got any easier for Inspector Reid – they were harder, if anything. She was evidently growing weaker by the day – almost as if she was giving up. Her speech – on the rare occasion she did speak – was becoming increasingly more faint. He would spend long periods of time holding her hand, trying to bring back even the smallest of memories to her as he gazed down at the gradually fading image of what once was his happy wife. 

His walk back home took him down a slightly different path – he was emotionally needing a little more after this evening’s visit. It wasn’t very often that he would openly admit he was in need of company, not since he had put a stop to the visits of Miss Goren. However, despite how many times he had turned this certain offer down before, he thought he would try his luck upon another familiar doorstep. He knocked firmly on the door before resting his arms by his sides and inhaling deeply as he waited for a response. 

“Mr. Reid?” The dark haired man raised his eyebrows in shock, opening the door fully. 

“Good evening, Bennet,” Reid smiled uneasily, “I was wondering if, perhaps, I may take you up on the offer of sharing a glass or two with you?”

“Of course, Mr. Reid, come in.” Drake smiled softly and stepped back slightly, allowing Reid to step into his home. 

“Thank you,” Reid nodded, “Please – call me ‘Edmund’.” 

“Sorry, Edmund.” Drake narrowed his eyebrows and shut the door before leading them both to his table. 

“Not at all, Bennet, I appreciate you allowing me to call on you at this hour.” Reid smiled appreciatively. 

“Any time, Mr. Rei– Edmund,” Drake cleared his throat to try and cover his almost slip up, “May I ask how Mrs. Reid is doing?” He asked, placing two glasses on the table before pouring an equal amount of whisky in each. 

“She is deteriorating by the day, but it is to only be expected.” Reid blinked hard, pulling out one of the chairs at Drake’s table and sitting down at it. 

“I am sorry to hear that.” Drake frowned. Reid simply raised his hand and shook his head, remaining silent, “Excuse the mess, Edmund, I was not expecting your visit.” Drake half laughed in attempt to lighten the mood, collecting some of the pieces of paper that were placed upon the table and carrying them into a different part of his home. 

“There is no need for apologies, Bennet – I am more than grateful to know I am able to call on you.” Reid smiled, watching a piece of paper fall out of the pile that Drake had taken off the table and land back on its surface. His curiosity took over him as he glanced over at it discreetly, reading the penned words:

“Dear Rose, 

I wonder what it is like to be loved by you,”

That was as far as he got before Drake returned, quickly averting his eyes and turning the paper over to save any embarrassment or self-conscious discomfort if he knew what he had just seen. 

“I don’t like to admit it, but the American knows a good whisky when he tastes one.” Drake raised his eyebrows as he joined Reid across the table, bringing his glass to his lips and taking a sip. 

“He does have his uses,” Reid let out a singular laugh, also sipping at his glass, “I trust things were wrapped up with him and everyone else as you saw sufficient this evening?”

“Indeed – I was happy with how things were left,” Drake nodded, “Ready for another day in the morning.”

“As ever,” Reid spoke against the rim of the glass, “I often wonder where our lives would be without our work.” 

“Well, we wouldn’t have each other, for a start.” Drake raised his eyebrows. 

“You are quite right, Bennet,” Reid’s smile grew, “I will drink to that.”

“As will I.” Drake sighed softly, raising his glass in unison with Reid and mirroring his smile as their glasses touched. 

The evening consisted of nothing but comfortable conversation back and forth between the two of them. Both of them men of few words – they rarely delved into one another’s personal lives in moments like this. Drake didn’t bring up the situation between the Inspector and Miss. Goren just in the same way that Reid didn’t raise a conversation regarding Drake’s letter to Rose. 

Maybe Drake was right; it was true that separately they were isolated within their own issues, but once united – Inspector and Sergeant, colleagues to friends – they were no longer alone, as they were together, despite hardly ever verbally showing very often that their doors were always open and willing to listen. Having said that, the atmosphere and presence of being in each others company made it very obvious how much – deep down – they truly cared for one another without really saying too much at all – and perhaps that was enough. 

-

“Dear Miss Goren,

One can only hope that both you and your orphanage are both doing well and that yourself and the children you so selflessly care for are in good health. 

I must firstly apologise for my absence since our last meeting – though I know this is not the longest period of time we have spent without being in each other’s company, I feel as if this time it has been much more unfair on yourself given that I told you that I would visit again soon. For that I sincerely apologise. One can only imagine how you must feel awaiting my visit when I did not go with such promises – even though it is foolish and vain of myself to think you regard me so highly. That, however, brings me to something that has been weighing heavily on my conscience – I do think that the vision that you paint of me looks far better in your mind. I cannot be the man you deserve, nor the man your feelings have lead you to believe you desire. You have such beautiful words and wonderful gestures that only the greatest man deserves – for in my eyes I have learned that your heart was made to last more than a handful of encounters. 

Despite the negative tone of this letter, I would like you to know that you must not feel a single bout of guilt regarding the situation we were both involved in. I cannot deny that your embrace did allow me to recall things my heart once used to know and things it so desperately yearns to remember. As a matter of fact, as you stated during our last meeting, I fear, too, that I am getting much too comfortable and used to being within your embrace. Therefore, I understand that I have made you believe that the current situation between ourselves may develop further, and that was wrong and selfish for me to do so. 

It is no question that love and consideration pours from you in everything you do – and I do not want you thinking any different of yourself because of this. I am ashamed of myself not only for allowing things to continue as far as they did, but also for reaching you this way. I, then, consequently, think that it would be foolish of us to continue meeting – regardless of where that encounter may end. I can assure you that it hurts me to think I will never be within your company again – but I fear that, should we continue – it would become a disarray that we could never mend. 

There are times where I feel as if I should just give up everything and run away from this dreadful pit of land, but I can’t – for this now seems like it is my entire life’s work and I feel as if this terrible darkness will follow and haunt me wherever I go. I will not see you suffer from that also. 

There is no doubt that I showed you my heart – for your eyes only, it was open and bare. I let my guard down, you are the only person whom I have allowed myself to do so with since the meeting of my wife – the only person I believed I could genuinely trust. I would like to apologise deeply for everything and anything I have put you through and pray to god that the person you do share the rest of your life with does not cause you any pain at all. 

I hope it is warm where you are. I hope yourself and all of the children are healthy. I hope you never question your worth or your ability to show natural, honest care toward another – ‘one of a kind’ does not even come close to describing the woman that you are. I now realise that you may be asking yourself why I may be putting an end to the encounters of you and I if I am also able to easily reel off the reasons why I enjoyed our times spent together. I am trying to save us both, mainly yourself, as you are not deserving of this torment that I have caused. The truth is, I do not know if friendship alone could continue without the feelings between us both, or if it would be wise. The only thing I am sure of is that – should we pursue with our current encounters – I will break your heart in the end. 

Sincerely yours, 

Edmund Reid.”

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to anyone who has read any of this story - it is the first chaptered fanfition I have ever finished and the first Ripper Street fanfiction I ever wrote!
> 
> For the time being, I am going to concentrate on a handful of one shots before possibly returning to this story a little further down the line... 🤫 Drop me a comment if you have any requests for one shots and thank you once again for reading!


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